Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

I would be livid.

But you have already crossed a line with them by having her take your son to school, especially since she has only lived next door for a year. I mean, how long has this relative stranger been taking your child to school?

What I am trying to say is you don't really know them, yet your son is mixing with the dad on his own, being taken to school by the mum etc. You should not have put your kid in a position where this dad could say those things to him.

Yes, your neighbour is indeed a bellend. The posters barely containing their delight at how they never lied to their kids/how young their children were when they found out are unhelpful and snide. Sneering at a 9 year old still believing in Father Christmas is a very low blow.
It certainly was not up to your neighbour to tell your son this or to keep banging on about it whilst spouting the guff about Jesus. I would be just as furious about that to be honest. I think I'd have to say something along the lines of wanting to keep personal beliefs and family traditions private and not taking it upon himself to tell your son that Father Christmas isn't real nor that Jesus created the world. I wouldn't let it go unmentioned but I wouldn't grab him by the ears and drop the nut on him either. I think that would be the end of the lift sharing though. He sounds like an unbearable turd.

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

That's nasty.

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 - but it's not the child's classmate who told him Father Christmas didn't exist. It was the father who said it. Which he had no reason to do other than being a dick. Who doesn't even know what Jesus is supposed to have fucking done.

It's not someone else's place to say that Father Christmas doesn't exist, but all children sadly realise the truth eventually.
But, I wouldn't get into a confrontation with your neighbour about it.
You can resolve it with this:
I thought long and hard about what to say when my dcs started to think that maybe he wasn't real, so when they started to ask, I simply told them that Father Christmas doesn't visit people who don't believe in him. It allowed them to let go of the notion in their own time.
FWIW, I don't think 9 is too old to still believe.
I hope you all have a lovely Christmas! 🎄

No, it's not up to the bellend to have spilled the beans but it's happened. The key thing, OP is how important preserving neighbourly relations are to you. From what you've said bellend has form for bellendery they're strained already and if this doesn't break them something else will. Fuck-off flashing lights for weeks on end maybe.

This could be the perfect moment to duck out gracefully and distance. Something suitably vague along the lines of timings or commitments changing maybe.

Be careful that your son isn't using this as a way for you to confirm his suspicions that Santa isn't real. I still remember getting blamed for telling my cousin (1 year younger) that he wasn't real. Her mother gave out to my mother about it, I hadn't told her, I lived rurally, no neighbours and less than 60 in the school, she lived in a large housing estate and the school had at least 400 kids, safe to say she probably knew before me.

Other's opinions aren't always welcome. I'd expect adults to know that. Clearly it's not as universal as I'd imagined.

*@ClaireP20
But you have already crossed a line with them by having her take your son to school, especially since she has only lived next door for a year. I mean, how long has this relative stranger been taking your child to school?

What I am trying to say is you don't really know them, yet your son is mixing with the dad on his own, being taken to school by the mum etc. You should not have put your kid in a position where this dad could say those things to him.*

I really don't think lift sharing with another parent of a child from the same class crosses a line. What is the difference between that and children going to their friend's houses for tea after school? The neighbours aren't a safeguarding risk, they are just annoying that said, I'll be saying I don't want to do lift sharing any more, in light of his wanker comments.

YANBU
Neighbour is well out of line.

Honestly it doesn't matter if how old the child is, as an adult you just don't act like a massive dick and tell someone elses child this. If you can't help yourself then perhaps some growing up is in order in your part.

My almost 9 year old still believes. He’s in year 4. I’m so worried that he’s going to work it all out in the next 4 weeks or have someone at school tell him!! He’s a bright boy, he has asked questions, I’ve just give excellent believable answers to them all!

I think it’s lovely to keep them young and keep the magic alive for as long as possible.

And I’m answer to your question, your neighbour is a dick!

I see nothing wrong with a 9 yo believing in Santa. Since when do we have to suck the life out of good mystery and magic for children?

@Fuckitsstillraining

Be careful that your son isn't using this as a way for you to confirm his suspicions that Santa isn't real. I still remember getting blamed for telling my cousin (1 year younger) that he wasn't real. Her mother gave out to my mother about it, I hadn't told her, I lived rurally, no neighbours and less than 60 in the school, she lived in a large housing estate and the school had at least 400 kids, safe to say she probably knew before me.

I know, that's why I included his level of detail about the Jesus debacle, because it was so specific and my DS thought he had roundly defeated the neighbour by crowing that god created the earth rather than Jesus. I don't think he would have the capacity to come up with that amount of detail if the conversation hadn't happened

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

FFS. Was that in any way helpful or constructive?

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

Quite. Who expects a 9 year old to believe in the myth? Whether you believe in Jesus or not is something you could discuss with your son, telling him some people believe in God, etc, which I expect he already knows; however, the neighbour did not lie about Santa Claus. I doubt any of his classmates and friends do.

Tell him the truth!

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

WTF is your problem, lots of kids believe in Father Christmas at 9 and older!

Oh ffs. Mumsnet is unbelievable at times. 9 is young enough to still believe in FC and I’d be annoyed if some idiot neighbour had blurted it out. My kids were 11 before they twigged and does that mean I had a problem? . Some of you posters on here are really bonkers. Children grow up so quickly now it’s nice to keep the magic alive as long as possible.

I’d tell him that your neighbour is related to the grinch and to ignore him, unless you want him to know the truth.

For people saying 9 is too old to believe and that he should have worked it out by now.....

Many people believe in God and that’s less believable than Father Christmas, your DS was right about comparing it to Jesus 🤣

Tell DS I am 38 and still believe. All you non believers can get lost.

Only on mumsnet would you see a 9 year old child ridiculed for believing in santa

There seems to be a competitive element of how young people’s kids are when they stop believing in FC at the moment. What happened to letting them be children - 9 is a child FFS!
My DD was 9 when she realised but that was young! We also made sure she didn’t blab to her classmates.
The neighbour was a miserable toad and it’s out of order to spoil it for your DS.

[quote iklboogeymum]**@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0* - but it's not the child's classmate* who told him Father Christmas didn't exist. It was the father who said it. Which he had no reason to do other than being a dick. Who doesn't even know what Jesus is supposed to have fucking done. [/quote]
I wrote "mix with others" - that means not just classmates but - you know - other members of the wider community that the child comes in contact with.

NOOOoooooooooooooooooo! hes a twat. your 9yr old might well know-it doesnt means hes ready to stop believing.and no-thats not the same. I think his jesus argument was pretty ballsy and fair. ledgend suggest twas god not jesus. ...thing is...is there any much point getting into it with a f++kwit?..put half a tub of glitter in his xmas card....// also-i nipt aldis last night and at till was xmas cards-half box octypus/other half shark..no punchline...fitting as f++k

Some of the responses here 🙄 If someone else's kid believes in FC then that's that. You do not have the right to go taking that belief away from a kid. If another kid at school tells them then so be it, that's what kids do. But as for an adult arguing with a child who believes in Santa, over his existence? Not right at all.