Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

My ex boss told me that when someone had told his daughter that Santa didn't exist, he just said to her that sometimes when DC have been naughty then their mum and dad pretend that santa doesn't exist so they don't get upset that they've been left out.

The other thing is that do they really think that mums and dads can afford all those gifts?

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

OP: your son is 9 years old - what do you think is an appropriate age for him to no longer to accept that "Father Christmas" actually exists and brings all the goodies? Will it be when he goes to high school ? 17 (comes with the first driving lesson), when he flies the roost ? Is he your only child / the youngest and it is you who are trying to keep this myth going for you?

You sound awful

One does someone always have to spoil the magic? It’s a horrible thing to say to a child who still believes. Let them be children for as long as possible, they grow up too quick as it is.

@myneighboursarebellends

I'm quite surprised by how much flak I am getting because my 9 year old still believes in Father Christmas. Firstly, it wasn't the point of the thread, secondly I am well aware that this would have been his last year of believing, even tentatively. Christmas is just a few weeks away, why spoil it just weeks before the day after a crap year?

I'm totally with you, OP. The neighbour sounds awful. I wouldn't want to be sharing lifts any more. Can you use the excuse you want to use the time in the car to spend some more alone time with him?

Why not one!

He doesn't sound like a good neighbour (why say anything at all on his part as an adult - smile and nod!) but I can't get too overwrought over the ' they said Santa isn't real' thing. In Reception DC came home saying 'x has said Santa isn't real' me: shrug 'different people say/believe different things'. No drama, this didn't seem to be as much as issues when we were kids. I just seemed to gradually realise that he wasn't real - noone ever banged on about how he definitely was or wasn't! But that aside your neighbour sounds childish.

Well mine are now 19 and 20 and i've never told them yet. I assume that they figured it out at some point but still get their stocking and gifts. I stopped hiding santa's special wrapping paper at some point. They were still fully on board through primary though (maybe they were just humouring me :o)

[quote myneighboursarebellends]@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 oh give over. [/quote]
I take it that your child/children believe in the "dummy fairy", the "tooth fairy", all the fairies at the bottom of the garden, the Easter bunny well into the age when you believe you are the only one who can de-mystify this. Of course there should be childhood myths but there comes a time when the child starts to mix with others and will hear other opinions. What is wrong with that?

It's always a difficult line to walk when it comes to things like this. I think you being non- confrontational over a few things, and continuing to be the good neighbour means they don't consider anything they do/say will be rebuked. They're obviously not non-confrontational as they complain about fences, trees etc.
The dad has done the damage now, and it probably won't end there if their child hears discussions and informs everyone your Son believes in FC. Kids can be unkind.

It's a shame when the magic has to end, and it should have been you ending it about FC.
Going and having a go at them will achieve nothing. They are just not bothered by the sound of it, it seems to be you keeping the peace.

I'd probably knock the school runs on the head. It prevents situations such as this, there's only so many times you can bite your tongue.

Fair play to your young lad holding his own though. 😁

Of course there should be childhood myths but there comes a time when the child starts to mix with others and will hear other opinions. What is wrong with that?

The wrong is that another adult took it upon themselves to be a cunt.

Why do people seem to get hung up on the 'last year of believing'? Don't get it. We loved Christmas at home, the home traditions, way past the Santa years - still insisted on putting out stockings out when back from uni!!

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

Both mine believed until they started high school. Now intelligent adjusted young adults in professional jobs, lots of friends, no bullying, please explain?

@papaelf

Of course there should be childhood myths but there comes a time when the child starts to mix with others and will hear other opinions. What is wrong with that?

The wrong is that another adult took it upon themselves to be a cunt.

Exactly that!

That's an awful thing to do. But I'd e more pissed off at the spouting of religious bollocks than the Father Christmas thing. He doesn't get to indoctrinate your child.

What is wrong with that?

What's wrong with it is that this isn't kids speculating in the playground, this was a grown adult telling a child that Santa doesn't exist a few weeks before Christmas. That wasn't his decision to make.

As I lay down in my bed
and cry
I realise
It was all a web of lies

I was deceived
as I misconceived
the one identity
that I even had to question
my own sanity

-from Lovina Chidi.

How sad that 9 years old is deemed to old to believe. Why do people want children to grow up so quickly. I think it’s wonderful if you can keep the magic going as long as you can (within reason obviously, by the time secondary school comes around) but 9 is still so young. Like you say, it was likely that it was the last year he would have believed and it’s not fair that the neighbour has taken that away from you. Regardless of his thoughts on the matter, it’s not his place to decide if someone else’s child knows the truth or not.

I think 9 is too old too. I remember going to junior school at 7 abs being surprised children still believed. I was the annoying one saying it wasnt real! But tbf my mum be never did Santa with me so I always knew.

If the neighbour's son or daughter had said this, fair enough, and yes a surprise that a 9 year old still believes in Father Christmas. Not a place for the dad to say this, and certainly not to repeat to others that your DS believed in Father Christmas.

Mind you the neighbour might have strange beliefs himself- he could think Brexit is a good idea, for example.

1 - it's NOT the nextdoor neighbour's place to tell someone else's child that Santa doesn't exist - totally interfering and overstepping the mark.

2 - you don't reveal this particular piece of information one month before Christmas - worst possible timing. A secret better revealed in July.

3 - your neighbour is an insensitive prick and I would be so fucked off if someone had said that to my child. It's something a parent tells a child, not some random dickhead neighbour.

What an absolute arse! And I really don't get the snarky comments on here, I guess that's what you get in AIBU. It doesn't matter how old your son is, the fact is, he believed in Father Christmas, and an adult, who isn't his parent, decided to be horrible and tell him he isn't real. It's means an unnecessary and no, it isn't okay. I'd be mentioning it to them, at least wanting to find out what was said. It's a month until Christmas, it's been a shit year, how can anyone think you're unreasonable for not being happy about this?! Your neighbour is a thoughtless twat at best

Your neighbour was out of order , i wouldn't want my child around someone so mean !

He's 9, of course he can still believe.

Pop out Christmas and catapult reindeer shit onto the nasty neighbours roof as "proof"

I also find it surprising that folk think that 9 year olds are too old to believe. What's wrong with a bit of magic?

What does he mean Santa isn't real? He bloody well is, he sends me a message on facebook every year.

I would just say to the neighbour, I don't appreciate you telling my son that Santa isn't real. DS got told at age 6, he seems to still believe, although he could just be humouring me, I wouldn't put it past him.

I think especially this year the kids need a bit of hope in something, regardless of age