To be annoyed at other women’s responses on changing my name when I got married

[Footywidow]

I took my husband’s name when I married. My DH couldn’t of given a shit what my name was but I’ve always liked the idea of my family all having the same name and I have no heritage with my name (DM changed it by deed poll so I’m not actually blood related to anybody with that name). I just preferred DH’s name and it went better with what we wanted to call our children.

Whenever it’s brought up at social occasions/work etc it’s like I’ve done a massive disservice to all women and I’m now a possession of my husband.

I wouldn’t call myself a feminist but I do strongly believe in equality and women’s rights but surely the whole point is that we have the freedom to choose what name we want and not just having to change our name because it’s expected.

I just find it so strange that other women get so worked up about someone’s decision about their own name which is so personal when they themselves have chosen it.

Ah don't bother about it. It's your choice to adopt it as much as its theirs not to. Never apologise. Never explain!

I also changed mine. Most people I know have done so

'Pardon? How rude' ... And walk off

YANBU - your name your decision.

I kept mine but equally respect the choice of those who change theirs.

Every single relative sends me post to my partner’s surname, including one to Mrs Husband’s full name, and it really pisses me off.

Really? Where do you live that you don’t know anyone who has taken their husbands name? Are you sure it’s not because you proclaim yourself ‘not a feminist’ with seemingly no idea what feminism is?

People really challenge you about changing your name? How rude.

that we have the freedom to choose what name we want and not just having to change our name because it’s expected.

Choices are not made in a vacuum though. That is why people get frustrated with the same contrived reasons being trotted out for a woman oh-so-coincidentally "choosing" to do what she has been socially conditioned to do with a man who never even contemplated making that "choice" himself.

Are you sure it’s not because you proclaim yourself ‘not a feminist’ with seemingly no idea what feminism is?

Well.

@MustardMitt I’ve never said I don’t know anyone who has taken their husbands name, however where I work a lot of girls there are younger than me and unmarried and most of my friends are also unmarried l.

I also don’t go around everyone I know proclaiming I’m not a feminist. That would just be very bizarre.

Equality and women’s rights are feminism.

No one really gives a fuck about your last name.

You do know that the definition of feminism is equality between women and men?

@user17425642134531 this is my point exactly. Why is someone getting frustrated about the choice that somebody else makes about their own name. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

Also these “contrived” reasons for changing a name, how many different reasons can somebody have for changing a name?

I didn’t change my name on marriage and have a real mix of friends and colleagues who went either way, so changed it or kept it.

I have never had someone comment on any of those women’s choices in front of me, positive or negative. It just is what it is.

I’m surprised people comment. It’s quite rude to do so!

I took my husband’s name when we married. I wasn’t going to but then it dawned on my that my now maiden name name given by a man to my mother. I took my husbands name in the end because it was much shorter than my maiden name and I was sick of spelling my maiden name each time I gave it.

Your pre marital name is in all likelihood your father's name anyway.

I think people should do what they want. It's nice to have the same shared surname as a couple/family however you choose it.

What annoys me is people who aren't clear about how they like to be addressed but still get upset if it's not to their preferred format. Like pronouns if you are departing from the usual/traditional/obvious please at least help people out.

Yes I know what feminism is, I said I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, I’ve seen lots of women call themselves feminists on tv interviews, journals and magazines who views are basically men get away with bad behaviour so we want a world where woman do the same and I don’t want to be associated with that.

You don’t have to agree with that, that’s just personally what I choose.

I kept my name and got patronising comments from women I expected to know better about how I could always change it later.
I think this is like so many areas of a woman's life something people feel entitled to comment on with impunity.
You need to get your shut down comment ready and use it freely.

What do you think feminism is?

There’s some cognitive dissonance going on there when you say you believe in equality but assume children take their fathers name.

That’s not equality.

Couldn't be arsed with anyone commenting.

I'm a feminist.
I changed my name as I like that tradition. Doesn't make me less of a feminist.

I'd of just said "and" if anyone had said anything. Let them dog themselves into a hole.

People getting worked up about nothing.

Your marriage, your name, call yourself whatever you like.

'I wouldn’t call myself a feminist but I do strongly believe in equality and women’s rights' this sentence doesn't make sense... if you believe the latter then you are the former.

Ohhhh some people have an opinion on how everyone should do as they did, their choices are best and all you need to do is ..,ignore them and try to avoid such people at the next social gathering. They don't need to be in your social circle,.

I have a mix of friends from all different backgrounds, one didn't change her name, I don't even think it was a conversation starter, we were all intelligent enough to know people make their own choices based in their own lives.....shocker.. I know.

@Sarahandduck18 I’ve never assumed children take their fathers name. I’m not sure where you’ve got that from my post. My children have my name.

@lifesgoodwithlg

What do you think feminism is?

This

Choices are not made in a vacuum though. That is why people get frustrated with the same contrived reasons being trotted out for a woman oh-so-coincidentally "choosing" to do what she has been socially conditioned to do with a man who never even contemplated making that "choice" himself.

I get what you’re saying but this argument basically implies there is only one “correct” choice to make. If you choose to keep your name then you’ve made a conscious choice, as you’re perfectly allowed to do. If you choose to change your name, you’ve blindly and unthinkingly followed what society has made you do, and any reason you give is contrived and not something you’ve come up with yourself after careful thought.