To be annoyed at other women’s responses on changing my name when I got married

[Footywidow]

I took my husband’s name when I married. My DH couldn’t of given a shit what my name was but I’ve always liked the idea of my family all having the same name and I have no heritage with my name (DM changed it by deed poll so I’m not actually blood related to anybody with that name). I just preferred DH’s name and it went better with what we wanted to call our children.

Whenever it’s brought up at social occasions/work etc it’s like I’ve done a massive disservice to all women and I’m now a possession of my husband.

I wouldn’t call myself a feminist but I do strongly believe in equality and women’s rights but surely the whole point is that we have the freedom to choose what name we want and not just having to change our name because it’s expected.

I just find it so strange that other women get so worked up about someone’s decision about their own name which is so personal when they themselves have chosen it.

It’s entirely up to you if you choose to change your name, OP, and it’s rude and presumptuous for others to comment on your decision.

I wouldn’t change my name so I must admit that whenever a woman I know gets married and changes her name just because ‘it’s the done thing’, I inwardly feel a bit disappointed. I would never, ever say anything, of course, unless specifically asked for my view. It’s none of my business.

I do strongly believe in equality and women’s rights

Then you're a feminist.

People are rude to have a go at you about your name. Tell them to mind their own business.

Yabu- not on the changing the name thing, but simply because you clearly don’t know what a feminist is- how can you say you believe strongly in equality and equal rights for women and not be a feminist? That’s what feminism is!

I agree, in most cases you are swapping one man’s name (your father’s) for another man’s name (your husband’s). At least you choose your husband (in most cases anyway!).

OP have any men made comments?

Before anybody else comments about the bloody feminism point that really is not integral to this thread, read my update, I don’t want to call myself a feminist, get the fuck over it.

When I changed my name two friends separately had a major row with me. One of which was in public. Full on raised voice, gesticulating in my face. She would not accept that I preferred my husband's surname instead of my father's.
We aren't friends anymore.

It's odd that you don't know ANYONE that didn't take their Husbands name. I can't think of a single married woman I know that didn't

I don't believe you. Not for a second.

Every married woman I know have taken their husbands name. Maybe that's the circles I live in but I find it weird that they are saying that. It's lovely to share your name with the whole family.

Ignore them. When I got married every woman I worked with couldn’t believe I changed my name as none of them did. No one elses business.

@Toilenstripes

You do know that the definition of feminism is equality between women and men?

Surely freedom of choice is part of equality? And that should encompass freedom to make choices others may not understand or support.

It’s just as annoying the other way believe me. E.g. l got a new job and friend was like FINALLY are you changing your name to his. I’m like errrr no. Never changing my name, a new job has nothing to do with it

Hmmm. Could it be that you are projecting? Does part of you deep down feel like you have done women a disservice... I would consider myself a feminist but I took my husbands name as have most of my friends. In fact it is those who don’t that get commented on (very rarely though). I really don’t think people care these days.

@DuzzyFuck again i’ve never said I don’t know anyone who hasn’t taken their husbands name, obviously they aren’t the ones making the comments.

Ok. Slightly rude post op. This is Aibu. It's not universal praise and agreement.

I wouldn't comment, but I would silently judge. I am a feminist, proudly. For me, marriage and name choice is pretty fundamental. Yes, it's about ownership and property.

Make your choices. Be proud of your choices. But don't expect everyone to agree.

@Littlemissnutcracker l think it does depend on the circles you move in. Where l live now -lots of people don’t change their name. Where l grew up
-every body does. I think job plays a part as well

I wouldn’t call myself a feminist but I do strongly believe in equality and women’s rights

What the what, now?

Call yourself what you like, of course, btw.

I think YABU to get so annoyed by it.

Your friends are rude. It’s not for me, but whatever floats your boat.

I don’t know anyone who cares one way or another and most of my friends are feminists (not the type who want women to behave as badly as men though )

[quote Footywidow]@Sarahandduck18 I’ve never assumed children take their fathers name. I’m not sure where you’ve got that from my post. My children have my name.[/quote]
What? I don't understand i thought you took your husbands name and one of the reasons was it went better with the names you wanted to call your children, now you say your children have your name?

Sorry I meant all my friends are feminists.

I actually don't know anyone who hasn't taken their husbands name. I've a friend who double barrelled her and her husbands name but the husband just kept his. I think the best comeback is just to smile and say isn't it fantastic we all get a choice now.

I've never come across anyone who hasn't taken their husbands name

So find this strange