Is SiL a CF with her carer

[DilemmaADay]

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here.

DPs brother is disabled, and needs help for mobility issues. His wife (DSiL) has arranged for them to go on a cruise holiday for 2022, however due to DBiLs disability, they will need to bring a carer on the holiday with them.

SiL wants the carer to pay for her own spot on the holiday (thousands) and not accompany them on any trips/meals, just essentially do the care in the morning and night, and then leave them alone for the rest of the holiday. She will pay the carer for the hours shes working.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care.

She should be paying for the carer to go. That’s the general way that it works when carers need to support someone. I doubt the carer will agree or be able to afford it.

I thought the stipulation was that carers holidays are paid for by the family? Sil should be paying.

Sil needs, in MN parlance, to give her head a wobble. The carer will presumably be missing out on other income by going on the cruise, so it is not a holiday for her, and she should not pay to go. All her costs should be met if sil wants her to go.

SIL needs to meet all costs, including food etc. She may rather struggle to find a career who is willing to take on this work with the current terms... Why on earth would the career spend thousands of their own money to offer care? It's not a holiday, as they will be caring.

You know she is! That's really not how it works and will probably lose them all good will from any carer!

Has she asked the carer about this yet? I can only imagine the fall out from such a stupid request!

She can want all she likes, but nobody in their right mind will do it.

Of course she is! I can’t imagine any carer (Or anyone at all) would agree to it once they knew the terms. If she says she’s found someone I’d bet she will lose them the second she asks for payment.

I have worked as a carer in similar circumstances. We would never have been asked to pay for our own spot. In fact we got paid a 'sleeping night' rate for the time we were there but not actually working.

She is never going to find someone to spend thousands of pounds of their own money to do a few hours care a day, and I think she'll quickly discover this. She probably feels upset that they have to find so much more money to go on holiday than they would if he weren't disabled, but passing the cost onto the carer is not a viable solution!

When traveling for work, all expenses Including food must be covered.

Pay is less obvious. Many people who travel for work are salaried so don’t get additional pay for the inconvenience. An hourly employee should probably get at least some sort of premium pay.

Sil needs to pay. My brother works this kind of job as a private live in and even down to going to a restaurant on his work time his travel and food expenses are paid for. Same for the cinema etc anything on his time is provided for. Dinner, Christmas presents you name it and the boss supplies it during work hours.

Has the put this to the career yet?

Spend thousands on a holiday but it won't actually be a holiday for you?!

She should be paying for the carer to go and for their expenses. She wont find anyone to agree.

Lol, I'd love to hear the carers response when she suggests that gem.

Hahahahaha. What does the carer think of this?

I’m sure the carer will soon put her right.

No carer will go with them if they have to pay thousands of pounds so it won’t be an issue!

What carer in the world would agree to that?! So funny.

Goodness, if I was the carer I would simply say that I couldn't pay and wouldn't be going unless I was fully paid. And start looking for another job, it's not exactly as if it's difficult to find carer jobs.

Is she deluded? Carers are generally on a low wage (very unfairly in my opinion) apart from anything I don’t think they’d be able to afford it. Yet alone waste their wages on going away with someone they work for/with. What a muppet your SIL is!

Hilarious!! She will not find anyone willing to do that! The normal situation is the place is paid for and the carers are also paid whilst on the holiday, possibly negotiated for reduced amounts when not actively caring but that depends on the individual carer.

She either needs to pay for a carer to accompany them and negotiate payment for hours needed/pay for 24hr care, do it all herself or cancel cruise and book a disabled holiday where you can buy in care on-site.

Well, if the carer has enough sense they will tell SIL to fuck off essentially cancelling her holiday unless she pays out

Wow she is being ridiculous and completely unrealistic! Has anyone told her this?

Carers... those well paid members of our society. Wtaf is she thinking

I'm fascinated by your SIL's thought processes. Why on earth would any carer pay thousands for the privilege going on a holiday she hasn't chosen and where she will have to work? I guess your SIL thinks it will be a treat for them, but if the carer wanted to go on a cruise (which is certainly not everyone's cup of tea) I'm sure she would prefer to do it on her own or with friends, not with employers. And for all that your SIL says her duties would be limited to morning and night care, I bet she'd be the first to call on the carer for help if she was needed at other times.

I too want to be a fly on the wall when she suggests this to the carer.