Is SiL a CF with her carer

[DilemmaADay]

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here.

DPs brother is disabled, and needs help for mobility issues. His wife (DSiL) has arranged for them to go on a cruise holiday for 2022, however due to DBiLs disability, they will need to bring a carer on the holiday with them.

SiL wants the carer to pay for her own spot on the holiday (thousands) and not accompany them on any trips/meals, just essentially do the care in the morning and night, and then leave them alone for the rest of the holiday. She will pay the carer for the hours shes working.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care.

@DilemmaADay

Okay DP has just got off the phone to SiL telling her what a batshit suggestion this is...SiL doesnt hey why shes being a CF as the carer can "bring a friend" to keep her company and it will be "like being on holiday but still getting money paid" ...it gets better!

Dp is trying to convince her not to ask this of carer. She is a private carer if that makes a difference and has worked with them both for several years so no doubt this will be dressed up as a 'treat'for her

Oh dear they really don’t get it. They think the carer and her friend should spent all their savings going on your SIL holiday. That they need to pay for be dictated too where to go and work everyday. Not even that but the carer would be losing all her other clients so would be double out of pocket.

SiL doesnt get why shes being a CF

CFers hardly ever do, but as PPs said, it'll resolve itself soon enough if she leaves
And somehow I doubt this will have been the first incident, even if it's worse than others

really? SIL wants the carer to go on a holiday of the SILs choosing and pay for it herself -

@DilemmaADay

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here

You don't? Really?

You ANBU. DSIL is being a CF and very unreasonable
Good luck to her finding a carer who will agree to those rubbish terms...

This is an INSANE suggestion. She's asking somebody to spend all their holiday budget on a holiday they didn't choose and THEN to work twice a day while they're there.

What does your SIL do for a living? if she works then ask her how she'd feel if her employer dictated where she spend her vacation this year and that she do an hour of work twice a day while there!

@audweb

She should be paying for the carer to go. That’s the general way that it works when carers need to support someone. I doubt the carer will agree or be able to afford it.

THIS ^

Why should the carer pay £0000s for the privilege of going on a "holiday" she hasn't chosen, isn't welcome on, and has to work during?

If the carer agues to that (she won't) she's not only an idiot but a wealthy one.

Your SIL is off her head. End of 🙄

I can completely see the SIL's thought process. She's thinking 'carer gets to go on a nice holiday for less than she'd otherwise pay, because I'll be paying her for the time she cares for DH'.

I had similar when I was an agency carer, as a student nurse. I was offered a week long contract at a hospital far from home. But I had to pay for my own accommodation. In the end, I took it because it was good experience and I broke even, but had DH with me for a nice 'holiday' between shifts.

But your SIL is wrong. She needs to work out if she can afford to take a carer with her or not.

If I was this carer who has worked for them for years, I would be insulted by them thinking I’m dumb enough to go for their idea however nicely they dress it up.
I hate it when people put others in an awkward position with their CFiness.

I can’t imagine any carer agreeing to go under those conditions!

Is your SiL generally a not-very-nice Lady Bountiful type?

What does her husband think?

And if a carer could afford a cruise, he/she wouldn't want to be working during it.

I voted YANBU but really you are being unreasonable by offering to pay the cost of the carer's holiday. Don't.

When is she going to ask them OP?
I'm just asking because I want to be ready with the popcorn and drinks when you post the reactions...
As someone said, your SIL is insane.

haha - excellent CFery! absolutely unreasonable!

Poor carer. Surely the carer will say this is not acceptable, after all it's not for the client to dictate how she spends her wags - ie on a holiday where she is working.

Standard practice is the client pays for the carer to attend and also hours worked. Are you the carer @DilemmaADay and just perhaps checking what the usual form is?

I wish I was the carer so I could laugh in her face at that suggestion. Na you are alright pal il stay at home and take a holiday and save myself thousands.

Agree, dh cares for ld adults and has been on holidays with them. Everything is paid for by the client. Not a hope she will get anyone to go.

... just here because I really like a good fireworks display ...

LOL! We brought a carer out with my daughter on holiday. She worked 8 hour shifts. All transport and accommodation was paid and she was actually paid a 24 hour rate for the duration because being away from home was not her choice. It wasn’t her normal hourly rate, but it was far in excess of 8hrs per day at her normal hourly pay rate pro rata, iyswim.
SIL is hard of thinking.

I don’t know why but the sheer audacity of some people still surprises me. She is a CF alright

Well, good luck with finding anyone who fancies a cruise right now, even if it's all expenses paid. Between covid and norovirus - thanks, but no thanks.

She's got her head up her backside. She'll never find anyone to do that. Why doesn't she care for him whilst on the cruise?