Is SiL a CF with her carer

[DilemmaADay]

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here.

DPs brother is disabled, and needs help for mobility issues. His wife (DSiL) has arranged for them to go on a cruise holiday for 2022, however due to DBiLs disability, they will need to bring a carer on the holiday with them.

SiL wants the carer to pay for her own spot on the holiday (thousands) and not accompany them on any trips/meals, just essentially do the care in the morning and night, and then leave them alone for the rest of the holiday. She will pay the carer for the hours shes working.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care.

Another vote for SIL needs to pay.

Oh I've missed a good CF story keep us posted OP your SIL is unbelievable

I wouldn't worry too much about it ... no one will take her up on her miserable' offer'.

I don't know that she is a CF as basically she just wants what everybody who is not disabled gets- a holiday where you just pay for yourself and don't have to pay for a carer. Obviously she is deluded and far from reality but she will find that out.

There is no chance the carer will agree to essentially pay to go on holiday on their own on a cruise ship whilst working to take care of your bil for peanuts. Is your SIL bonkers??

This is batshit. Of course SiL should be paying for the carer. That’s how it ALWAYS works because the carer hasn’t chosen to go on the holiday, even if they’re only needed for one hour a day, they haven’t chosen to be there so the employer needs to fund it. Can’t believe your SiL. And the cost of the holiday is irrelevant, even if the trip was a budget camping one your BiL/SiL should pay. I could maybe understand not paying for meals during the hours she wasn’t working if the accommodation had self catering facilities so she didn’t have to pay for expensive (or any) restaurants but even that is somewhat cheeky.

If I was carer I would be looking for another job
& there are many people who would be more considerate.
I would love to know how well off SIL/B are - probably fairly OK I imagine.
premise being the richer you are the more self centred you are. There is some interesting research on precisely that with that result.

I hardly think any carer is going to fall for that. They'd expect to get all cruise costs paid by the employer (including insurance) PLUS an agreed fee for the time spent on personal care.

You've got to tell us what the carer says.

She's being so stupid, she's risking losing this career altogether as good ones can pick and choose their clients, and this is such an outrageous piss-take.

Please keep us updated OP

if the carer even considers this out of loyalty i wold stop her-never heard such cfery in my life

bring a friend indeed

DD had a PA and it was our responsibility to pay for anything she attended with her. Your SIL is being a CF.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care
Have you said you would pay?

What's more, with it being a cruise - the carer (who sound like they're single given the even more ludicrous mention of bringing a friend along) would be paying double the price per person that SIL would.

When my dgm died my daunt asked would I accompany her as a carer to a specific retreat... No free time. On hand to wait on her etc...
Got home and she told me she had used the money dgm had left me to pay for my space!!.

@katy1213 is spot on... but please update us op when the carer laughs in her face

Also does she seriously think a carer can afford a cruise - bloody unlikely.

@Ellmau very good point I hadn’t considered single room occupancy on a cruise . Basically the carer would be paying the price of two people to stay in her room herself .

Did I used to work for your SIL?! I have one crazy family that would do this. Paediatric airway and feeding support carer, often profoundly disabled children. I had one family ask me to pay to park on their drive (£6 a day) as they live in a "sought after area you know", they then asked me to park my 4 year old car around the back incase the neighbours saw, and totted up how many cups of tea I had in a night shift and deducted the cost of the tea bag, water and milk from my wages. When I told them I had been bringing my own Yorkshire Tea bags every night because their posh ones were awful you'd have thought I'd have committed a cardinal sin. The best part was they were shocked people kept quitting on them...

In the DM the other day they had a piece on CF job adverts in he US. There was one where the employee was expected to work a 100 hour week as a nanny/cleaner/laundress/dogsbody, but had to provide their own food.

SIL is an arsehole. I feel so bad for that carer who will have to pretend to even entertain this suggestion.

Just when you think you have heard it all on MN....

Your SIL is a Cruizilla!

Obviously aside from the obvious issue of no carer accepting this, it could also be a NMW issue if she was able to insist on this from the carer. But it's a non issue as no carer in their right mind will agree.

Hard to find the word to describe your SIL's behaviour!

if your BIL values the services of his private long-term carer, he will tell his wife not to even mention this.
it may well result in the carer leaving his employ entirely.
the attitude underlying it, the sense of entitlement, the sheer stupidity and arrogance would make most people run a mile.
good, reliable carers are hard to come by.
it sounds a silly idea anyway, a cruise.
how much input in this idea has the actual client had, BIL.