Is SiL a CF with her carer

[DilemmaADay]

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here.

DPs brother is disabled, and needs help for mobility issues. His wife (DSiL) has arranged for them to go on a cruise holiday for 2022, however due to DBiLs disability, they will need to bring a carer on the holiday with them.

SiL wants the carer to pay for her own spot on the holiday (thousands) and not accompany them on any trips/meals, just essentially do the care in the morning and night, and then leave them alone for the rest of the holiday. She will pay the carer for the hours shes working.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care.

This is not an issue as no carer in their right mind will agree to go with them

The carer would be paying the price of two people to stay in her room herself

It depends on the cruise line; some have single rooms, but admittedly not many
That said, they'll be so desperate to get people back on board she may get a bargain - but it doesn't change SIL's CF'edness

Who is the employer? Is it SIL, or SIL acting on POA for her mother? Or does Dp share the responsibility?

I would be inclined to let the Carer know she is not obliged to do this. Far from it.

Sorry, not mother.

@DilemmaADay

Okay DP has just got off the phone to SiL telling her what a batshit suggestion this is...SiL doesnt hey why shes being a CF as the carer can "bring a friend" to keep her company and it will be "like being on holiday but still getting money paid" ...it gets better!

Dp is trying to convince her not to ask this of carer. She is a private carer if that makes a difference and has worked with them both for several years so no doubt this will be dressed up as a 'treat'for her

Please let us know what happens when she asks the carer.

Sorry for the confusion, I haven't offered to pay for the carer. I just said if it were me in the situation, I would pay for the carers expenses.

DBiL is her employee.

Sorry to disappoint everyone, but DSiL has been talked out of the idea by DP so we wont see any fireworks today. Fortunately the carer is on annual leave today which was the only thing stopping SiL jumping the gun and asking her on this oh-so amazing holiday. I think DBiL also spoke up and said it's not worth insulting her by proposing the idea so SIL is rethinking things, and hopefully giving her head a huge wobble

SiL is notoriously tight, counts every penny. Shes financially not too bad and earns a fairly stable, slightly less than average wage.

iL doesnt hey why shes being a CF as the carer can "bring a friend" to keep her company

No doubt she can magic up another carer with thousands to spend on a cruise holiday that she hasn't chosen either. Because carers notoriously make an absolute fortune, don't they?

So your DP has deprived us all of a chance for a good laugh ... LTB!

I'm a carer, she'd be told in no uncertain terms that she'd be caring for him herself as I wouldn't be going

Not your problem. It's just vaguely possible this arrangement might suit the carer. Ok, unlikely! So she'll say 'no'.

She'll never get a carer to agree to that! She has to pay for herself and not have company, just wander around on her own?

Lolz as if anyone would take that job

Pay ££££ for a holiday that is not holiday! Stupid and selfish of her.

Yep they need to pay for the holiday, all expenses and pay full time hours regardless of the hours worked.

I feel for them both though, having to add the cost and expenses of another person on holiday, plus paying them for their service, must be frustrating and prohibitive.

YANBU.

The rule is: if you have carers you pay for them to attend any event they are necessary at. Hopefully the carer will just say no and it will teach her lesson.

I work as a Support Worker and regularly go on holiday with the people I support, all expenses during holiday and holiday is paid for by the people I support. I also get paid for the whole time I'm away, including being paid for sleeping away from home. So she is being completely unreasonable

Anybody brought along on holiday to perform a service need to be paid for.

"like being on holiday but still working so not actually like being on holiday at all"

Fixed it for your DSiL !

I'm a carer, I've never heard of an arrangement like that, the client usually pays for the carer to accompany them. Yes, that's definitely Crap for the Carers.

Good Lordy! She’s cray-cray! So dying to add a GIF here 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

She should be paying! This isnt victorian times!

She is cheeky to expect that she should pay as maybe the carer would like to spend her hard earned money on a trip with her own friends and family.

YANBU. If she wants the carer to go she pays for the carer to go.
Might be worth asking if the holiday co. has a discount for carers; at least within the UK they often do, we've found.

SIL is a fool to think anyone in their right mind would agree to that. Glad she got talked down