Is SiL a CF with her carer

[DilemmaADay]

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here.

DPs brother is disabled, and needs help for mobility issues. His wife (DSiL) has arranged for them to go on a cruise holiday for 2022, however due to DBiLs disability, they will need to bring a carer on the holiday with them.

SiL wants the carer to pay for her own spot on the holiday (thousands) and not accompany them on any trips/meals, just essentially do the care in the morning and night, and then leave them alone for the rest of the holiday. She will pay the carer for the hours shes working.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care.

Surely the carer will just say no, can't afford to. So the problem will sort itself out.

Actually can't afford to / don't want to spend my spare cash on that.

Ok, so she’s basically wanting someone to pay a huge amount of money for an extravagant holiday that they have not chosen and most likely can not afford, and for them to work during that holiday, with the employer paying none of their (expensive) expenses.
Who would agree to that unless they were being blackmailed or held at gunpoint.?
The only way they can think the carer would agree is if the carer is in some delicate position - eg illegal immigrant. And that makes it even worse....

This is extreme CF behaviour!! Can't wait to see how career reacts...

@Meraas

I am irrationally worried that the carer will agree, but no one in their right mind would agree to this, unless her carer is a family member that SIL/BIL will bully into agreeing?

I think your BIL is also a CF for allowing SIL to put the carer in the position for saying no (unless he is not able to intervene due to his disability?)

I think the odds are that the carer will not be able to afford to say yes - the SIL seems to be suggesting that not only do they pay for the holiday but they also only get paid for a few hours a day, and surely the odds are that someone is likely to have other clients at home that they wouldn't be able to work for in that time? So you're asking them to spend money and to give up other paid work. No matter how much pressure SIL puts on it won't happen.

Your sil is a massive cf. I hope the carer finds someone else to care for.

No carer would agree so it's a bit of a non-issue.

Your sil is bonkers.

You could finance the entire cruise for all of them by selling tickets to watch her put her proposal to the carer.

I'm a carer and can't afford to eat properly half the time, let alone go a bloody cruise. Spend thousands to earn back what? £40 a day? There's no way anyone would do this.

hahahah, i've just had a good laugh at some of these comments -

Show your SIL this

OP you have GOT to have a laugh with this. Egg your SIL on, encourage her, see what happens when she puts this proposal to the carer

My good friend was wheelchair bound (passed now bless her) and had a PA with her all day for her needs (unless us friends helped her). Your SIL is unreasonable and should pay. Why would the poor carer pay. Madness.

My best friend was a carer and if she ever went away with clients they'd pay for her and pay her weekly wages and expenses and sometimes her husband too so she wasn't on her own.

Your SIL is being ridiculous- hopefully the carer will tell her!

😂😂😂 good luck to her with that

My sister took their babysitter with them on holiday and they paid for everything, INCLUDING a 2hour massage at the spa as a token of appreciation. This is not a holiday for the carer/babysitter!

Okay DP has just got off the phone to SiL telling her what a batshit suggestion this is...SiL doesnt hey why shes being a CF as the carer can "bring a friend" to keep her company and it will be "like being on holiday but still getting money paid"
...it gets better!

Dp is trying to convince her not to ask this of carer. She is a private carer if that makes a difference and has worked with them both for several years so no doubt this will be dressed up as a 'treat'for her

*SiL doesnt get

I thought the stipulation was that carers holidays are paid for by the family?

It is ... my own DS has carers, and when he's wanted them to take him away the whole lot has rightly to be paid for; actual care costs (including overnight), accommodation, meals and in fact everything except their personal spends

Yes, SIL's being a CF but it won't matter - because on that basis no carer in their right mind would agree to go, especially knowing that the morning and evening care would instantly turn into "could you just ...?"

What a fecking cheek! I think in this situation they pay for the carer to go and pay her wages - if she's even willing to go.

@VettiyaIruken - great idea

I mean, the carer is bound to say no isn't she? Is your DP worried she will not want to carry on working for them afterwards and this will cause major issues? Otherwise, I feel like this will just resolve itself once SIL presents the proposal to her.

Doesn't matter how many years the carer has worked with them. The carer can easily tell her to jog on. If sil pushes, she might find the carer starts looking elsewhere,

Very few carers only work for one family especially when only working a couple of hours a day/week.

What a load of rubbish from your SiL! Whenever we went on holiday and took our nanny we paid all expenses and paid for full days (incl travel days, days off) and gave her time off in lieu to make up for evenings/nights away from home.

Cheeky mare

It would only be a treat if your SIL was actually paying for it.

Has she actually put this to the carer yet?

I'm a qualified and experienced carer.
I'd be applying for this.

About the same time that Percy pig requests a landing spot at Heathrow.