Is SiL a CF with her carer

[DilemmaADay]

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here.

DPs brother is disabled, and needs help for mobility issues. His wife (DSiL) has arranged for them to go on a cruise holiday for 2022, however due to DBiLs disability, they will need to bring a carer on the holiday with them.

SiL wants the carer to pay for her own spot on the holiday (thousands) and not accompany them on any trips/meals, just essentially do the care in the morning and night, and then leave them alone for the rest of the holiday. She will pay the carer for the hours shes working.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care.

Perhaps when they get there, SiL could ask for volunteers amongst the passengers

How does she hire the carer? Is it a private arrangement or via an agency? If private she can suggest it to the carer but I wouldn’t expect them to say yes!

That’s ridiculous. She’ll soon realize that no one’s going to do that. What a cf!

Well his carers attendance allowance/pip will be paying the carers wages. Your sister-in-law will not have to pay for anything. So she absolutely 100-percent should be paying for the carer's travel and a set amount each day. It is right that the carer doesn't accompany them on evening meals - the carer will need time off by herself so it is right that she has her evenings free and any time they do not need her free as well.

When my father's caree goes with them on holiday, she has her fare paid, a set amount for each day wages, regardless of how much she is needed, and an amount of 'pin' money, for spending and meals on top etc. The carer has lunch and breakfast with them, but not evening meals as she takes the evening off and does her own thing (until his bedtime). I know the carer preders this, rather than being with them 24 hours a day.

I would ask, is the carer not a 'proper' carer. I ask because many families use someone who is not a qualified carer to save money (they will often to be more work and hours etc). This means that they are more vulnerable to being exploited (pay your fare and come with us or lose your job, for example) xx

I would want to know what carer could afford a cruise holiday that they didnt even pick themself? :D Man I need to work for them!! They must be paying Good Money!!!

Well of course she's being ridiculous but it doesn't matter because she can't force any carer to go, and no one will.

Who the heck does she think is going to sign up for that?! Daft woman.

. Everything has been said. She's completely deluded.

Is SiL aware that people who do care work tend to have a rather smaller holiday budget than the cost of a cruise?

bahahahahaha, I'm pretty sure the carer will tell her where to go

Bizarre. Are they asking a specific carer or advertising?

I would ask, is the carer not a 'proper' carer. I ask because many families use someone who is not a qualified carer to save money (they will often to be more work and hours etc). This means that they are more vulnerable to being exploited (pay your fare and come with us or lose your job, for example) xx

This is a good point. A professional carer with a bit of experience handling cheeky requests from service users and families will have no issue politely declining.

Someone who is not a professional and who has more of a personal relationship with your SIL might feel obliged, that the couple deserve a holiday and feel guilty that they don’t want to or can’t afford to go.

SIL is putting the carer in a really difficult position.

I’m sure a carer will jump at the chance, sounds lovely...

(That was sarcasm in case anyone missed it).

I am assuming this is a carer who already works for them? Please, please come back and tell us what she/he replies.

I'd really love if the SiL posted an AIBU. It has the potential to become a classic.

This is very funny. Is your SIL always such a deluded CF?! Why would anyone want to do that? Especially as it won’t be worth their while

Yeah like that is going to happen.

This is why we cannot take a carer with us on our holidays with DS15.

We couldn't afford to pay for the carers accommodation, meals, expenses, the whole shebang, nor would we expect it!

She'll get put right pretty sharpish!

I agree with others that it’s doubtful she’ll find anyone willing to agree to her terms but...I hope she has a back-up plan.

How will SIL cope if someone joins them on the cruise and then decides they’re not interested in working whilst on holiday and refuses to help? Can SIL manage DB’s needs herself?

Just posting for the carers response. Unbelievable!

Your SIL is mad. Really quite mad.

I am irrationally worried that the carer will agree, but no one in their right mind would agree to this, unless her carer is a family member that SIL/BIL will bully into agreeing?

I think your BIL is also a CF for allowing SIL to put the carer in the position for saying no (unless he is not able to intervene due to his disability?)

"Good morning, carer. Would you like to go on a cruise with us?"
"Yes please - that sounds nice."
"You'll be paying, mind, and performing your usual caring tasks."

Door bangs.

But it's not a holiday for the carer, they'll be doing their usual job. It's not like he/she has the option to waltz off to the croquet deck (if that's what you do on cruises) whenever.

Ha, my ds is disabled and when I take him somewhere (( at his request )) we use his pip to pay for it. Your sil takes cheeky fuckery to a whole new level 😳

Can't believe I just read that!
Either they pay for all the costs or the carer doesn't go