Is SiL a CF with her carer

[DilemmaADay]

Dont really know who's being unreasonable here.

DPs brother is disabled, and needs help for mobility issues. His wife (DSiL) has arranged for them to go on a cruise holiday for 2022, however due to DBiLs disability, they will need to bring a carer on the holiday with them.

SiL wants the carer to pay for her own spot on the holiday (thousands) and not accompany them on any trips/meals, just essentially do the care in the morning and night, and then leave them alone for the rest of the holiday. She will pay the carer for the hours shes working.

AIBU to think shes being a CF here, and said I would pay for her to attend the holiday, or at least pay her for the 24 hours even if shes not assisting with care.

This will not be a holiday for the carer. She will be on duty, and should be compensated as normal, as well has having her expenses met. If your SIL (I just cannot put a "D" in front of that...hasn't earned it!) doesn't understand that, she's an idiot, as the caretaker would be to agree to going under those conditions. This would be like expecting a nanny to pay her own way on family holidays.

Absolutely no chance in hell anyone agreeing to this!

I am glad BIL has had his say. Since he is the client.

Why why why would anybody agree to that

Glad that it seems to be off the cards.

I have supported many holidays as a carer. The person going on holiday pays for all accommodation, travel, meals, outings and travel insurance. We are paid roughly 7 hours a day but usually work closer to 16/18 hours and are on call 24 hours for the duration.

Its often thought that staff are on a "jolly" being paid to be somewhere outwith the norm. It can be lovely but it's exhausting, you have to be 'on' all day every day. Giving medication, documenting all transactions, writing reports (yip even on holidays)

Your SIL clearly doesn't get it even if plans are on hold for the moment. This is exactly one of the things that should be covered by PIP/Attendance Allowance, yes it makes it super expensive for their holiday but with the best will in the world, that's not the carers problem.

Realistically if I fancied a cruise and was getting it paid for me but only had to do a couple of hours work a day I would go for it but no way in the world would I pay for it myself.

Of course she's being a CF. Does she really think anyone will do that?! Why can't she care for him herself on the holiday

Working in social care, I’m not shocked by this, people expectations are more like servants than trained carers that the majority of us. Sil might find some poor fool, but goodluck to her, this request is totally, disgusting unreasonable.

@Beachhappy

Working in social care, I’m not shocked by this, people expectations are more like servants than trained carers that the majority of us. Sil might find some poor fool, but goodluck to her, this request is totally, disgusting unreasonable.

Even servants who accompany their employers on holidays are not expected to pay their own way.

I'm going against the grain. If she is only providing care twice a day, morning and night, then the rest of the time is hers to do as she wishes, surely? Therefore, unless she'll be sitting in her cabin twiddling her thumbs all day, she's essentially on holiday as well and can sightsee etc?

Why the fuck would any carer agree to that?

@Forgottenwhatsleepis

Yes there will be perks of the job but why on earth would anyone pay full price for a probably expensive holiday they didn't get to choose, with no friends or family with them. The free time and sightseeing would be a perk that makes it worthwhile going away for a low paid job.

@Forgottenwhatsleepis the typical cost of a mid-range cruise holiday is around £500 per person per day (cheaper and pricier versions exist) so will be several thousand pounds cost.

Someone who does care work (typically across numerous clients because each client only needs a few hours care each week) will typically have an annual income less than £20kpa. So the cost of this "working holiday" to them would be more than 25% of their annual income.

Do you think that people in that kind of income bracket generally spend that kind of fraction of their income on a holiday? Or is it more likely that their costs for rent, bills and food take up at least 95% of their income leaving very little left for treats like holidays?

Live-in carers actually earn about £750 + a week (judging by my relative’s care) and get their food and board too, so not necessarily on the lowest income.

Not that I think that that makes it remotely acceptable to expect or ask a Carer to pay the costs of the cruise.

My daunt's carer went with us. Paid for.
Maybe wrong to say she played the long game but she inherited way more than I did from daunt. Assume she quit her job before accepting...

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

Live-in carers actually earn about £750 + a week (judging by my relative’s care) and get their food and board too, so not necessarily on the lowest income.

Not that I think that that makes it remotely acceptable to expect or ask a Carer to pay the costs of the cruise.

That may be so but they usually work one week on one off type arrangements so not actually that well paid!!!!

The ones that work for my relatives don’t. Not this year! They are doing a month or 6 weeks at a time.

But they don’t get paid holiday, pension contributions etc.

It certainly isn’t a licence to print money.

'Live-in carers actually earn about £750 + a week (judging by my relative’s care) and get their food and board too, so not necessarily on the lowest income.'

Hahaha you've clearly never worked in care! I did live in care. I got for paid 8 hours a day, I was 24 hours, 5 days one week, 3 days the next. I had to do waking nights with no extra pay. I got paid £8.50 an hour. I was at work for 130 hours a week but only paid for 40. Food is not always provided. I had to pay rent and bills for my own home as well. Live in carers do not spend their whole life living in someone else's house! They have their own homes too you know! They have time off. Generally they work 1-2 weeks on then 2 off etc. The care industry is notoriously under funded and undervalued. Your comment about 'not being on the lowest income' is pretty gross and completely out of touch with reality!

I put YABU, because really it's none of your business 🤷🏼‍♂️