I looked :(

[stoplooking555]

Aghhh.

I've just recently divorced. In a nutshell, very messy. He lied about OW although I knew her and her partner and we figured it out between ourselves early on. It was a horrible divorce and finally settled on 55/45 split assets and this way I got to keep the small family home. Ex cried poor the whole time and made provisions for a 2 bed flat in the area and insisted he would be buying alone. He kept all of his pensions (I had none) and the proceeds from a small rental but on his earnings would be a healthy deposit and no probs to get an affordable mortgage.

Kids have come back from their contact weekend and told me all about the new house my ex bought. I was expecting this and knew it would be a big deal for me. It's not a 2 bed flat. It has a leafy drive and 3-4 bedrooms. OW was there when he showed kids around.

They are not on social media which is great. BUT I can see his Pinterest. We rennovated a couple of houses together so knew he'd update that.

Well...I saw luxury bathroom pins, free standing baths..marble...and...she was linked in the board.

Also kids will be getting own rooms, they share here...it's a small house.

I know I should be thankful I have a roof over my head but it's just galling he lied and in my mind he's doing up Buckingham palace.

AIBU - he deserves to move on and none of my business, we've been separated 3 years. Or am I right being so upset. Not sure if it's jealousy or rage he's lied - if he's bought with OW (high earner) then it's really not fair if they have 2 big incomes going forward and a dream house.

I worry the kids will see this house as a poor partner.

As for contesting his lies, the solicitor said I could but if he did end up buying with OW, then unlikely anything would happen as technically my needs were met.

The anxiety and upset is high though :(

He could have a mansion with 12 bedrooms and it wouldn't matter if your home is the one with the most love in it OP.

Forget it. Natural to be upset but that's not healthy for you.

YABU. It’s been three years; of course he has a right to move on and buy a new house with his partner.

You say it’s not “fair” because they have two incomes, but if you were to get into a long term relationship you would also have two incomes. He isn’t stopping you doing that.

Being upset about it won’t change it; it’ll just make you miserable and bitter, and that will rub off on the kids.

He sounds like an utter shit to be honest

Gorgeous sumptuous show home for two morally bankrupt wankers.

Your home sounds much nicer. By far.

@FortunesFave This I try and focus on. I have the children the majority of the time and they are brilliant (the majority of the time - ha!). They are worth any pile of brick and mortar.

But it's just so galling.

It’s understandable that you are upset, but after 3 years you need to move on.

If you continue down this path of bitter obsessiveness over his new life your kids will be caught in the middle, and it will be that rather than your smaller house that drives them away.

@babypinkroses I think I would feel better had he not lied for 3 years. I've known all along but she's only been wheeled out since the ink was still drying on the divorce papers. Had he not been so vicious in grabbing every penny he could get (I had to give him every penny of my savings and a big loan). Now he's installing luxury bathrooms. That's what's wrong.

The children do not see any of my feelings. I have an Oscar for my acting skills honed over the last 3 years.

@AtrociousCircumstance

Gorgeous sumptuous show home for two morally bankrupt wankers.

Your home sounds much nicer. By far.

Agreed.

@stoplooking555

The children do not see any of my feelings. I have an Oscar for my acting skills honed over the last 3 years.

You may not think you do, but children pick up on body language and tone that you won’t even realise you’re giving out.

It’s not healthy for you to focus on what’s “fair” or “wrong” or “unjust”. It is what it is. You can’t change that; you can only focus on yourself and moving forward.

I see where you’re coming from OP. He seems to have got a greater share of the equity than he would have if he’d told the truth.

If it helps, I live in the “poor house”. I moved out and accepted less than I could have got if I’d let the court case go to a final hearing, but his EA was too bad. My house has three bedrooms while he has stayed in the family house which has five. Both my kids always prefer to be at my house just because it’s a more loving home.

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Have a little wallow - cry and rage (a bit), and then deep breath and move on.

Absolutely nothing you can do about it, so you might as well focus on what you do have - the kids, a roof over your head (as you say), and no cheating, lying partner holding you back.

As least you won’t be going to sleep in your leafy 4-bed, worrying that your partner might do to you, what he did to his ex.

Three years and you still haven't moved on. . Not a good sign
Be happy the kids are getting a nice house and bedroom each.
And stop referring to your exh partner as OW. Refer to her as what she is (his partner )
And let all this messy past be past. He lied
You cant change that.

Change what you can. Accept what you can not. And dont think your kids are oblivious to it all. .. they can sense everything

@TheDowagerDuchess That's reassuring [love] The children are small and I'm sure they will see it differently. You're right. Home is where the heart is (not the marble worktops)

Op, you have a home filled with love, they have a house filled with deceit.

I worry the kids will see this house as a poor partner.

@stoplooking555 I don't think kids are impressed by houses in the way adults can be. And I bet you're more pleasant for them to be around.

He's treated you awfully and however you feel is completely understandable.

"I worry the kids will see this house as a poor partner."

No, what they will see is a dad who preferred an ostentatious house for himself and a smaller house for them. A dad who likes his luxuries, but also likes to keep them on a tight leash.

Children have eyes and they see what's happening. They might not grasp the meaning of what they see immediately, but as they get older they work it out.

Hold you head high OP. You are free - the OW has all the shit you had yet to come. And one day your kids will see right through all his bollocks. In the meantime let them enjoy the nice bathrooms.

does he have you?No. let go.your holding a string baloons burst.

He has weekend contact. Pretty sure he would swap the house for meaningful ti e with hi skids and a proper involvement in their lives

@TMIincoming sadly not. I think when he was gaslighting me about his reasons for leaving he suggested the positive slant "but we'll each have so much more free time for our hobbies now"

@WhereYouLeftIt agree. That kinda makes me sad though!

Kids aren't as bothered about fancy houses as you might think. If they're young they are more likely to be enamoured by toys and sweets, and if they are older they will be more swayed by places with fewer rules and restrictions.

None of that is necessarily related to how much money a household has.

That's crap, OP. Sorry. Seems like he was very manipulative. At least you're rid of him.

The thing about Pinterest is that it generally contains pictures of things we like. Pictures for inspiration, for future reference. Not things we have - things we would like to have.

What does 3-4 bedrooms really mean? What do you think when you see it on an estate agent's website? 3 bedrooms and 1 boxroom, that's what.

Of course you feel aggrieved - divorce is hard enough at the best of times. What you do have though, is a new start. You have your DC, who are worth more than a million marble bogs. You are now physically free and you deserve to be emotionally free too. I would bet £100 that the new woman has all this to come - leopards rarely change their spots. You owe it to yourself to close the door once and for all.