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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull my lodger up about commenting on my food?

418 replies

Housewoes23 · 23/11/2020 00:04

I've recently moved into a house and I took on a lodger about 3 weeks later.
I knew him before we made this arrangement, acquaintance rather than friend but we get along okay.

Over the last 10 or so days, he has said(amongst others probably, I haven't documented but as far as I remember)

'Ugh making that disgusting smelly stuff again'

'I emptied the bin and it was fully of your smelly food!'

(When I was making hummus) 'Ugh!I hope the top doesn't come off that blender can you imagine that disgusting stuff going all over the kitchen!'

When I hadn't yet washed up (I'd only just finished making my dinner) and he came in the kitchen 'Eewww!! Disgusting saucy stuff all in the washing up bowl!' (I wasn't going to leave it, I just literally hadn't finished clearing up yet, it was seconds after I'd cooked).

Also, he has his own fridge but shares a freezer with me. He won't go in it because 'my disgusting food' is in there.

I got him his own fridge because he wouldnt share one with me-there was plenty of room for two people's foodstuffs in there, but he 'didn't want to touch my disgusting sauces and horrible food' (I'm paraphrasing but something like that).

For context,we're both single people aged 38 and 52.

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

TIA :)

OP posts:
PickAChew · 23/11/2020 00:06

you need to tell him it's not working out.

Beamur · 23/11/2020 00:06

That would get on my nerves. He's being very rude.
You might not be the only one with an ED though.

katy1213 · 23/11/2020 00:06

I'd remind him whose house it is and if he doesn't like it he knows where to go.

ShortSilence · 23/11/2020 00:07

He sounds like an arsehole, and so immature. That’s shocking behaviour for a grown man.

I couldn’t have someone living with me who spoke to me that way. YANBU at all.

Newuser991 · 23/11/2020 00:07

Christ get rid of him.

How dare he speak to you like that in your home!

Do not placate him and offer to eat / cook away from him

You do what you want in your home

If he doesn't like it he can get out

borntohula · 23/11/2020 00:08

I think it's really rude of him and really immature as well.

OrangeIsTheNewTwat · 23/11/2020 00:08

He's extremely rude. He needs to keep quiet, leave the kitchen, or leave the house, TBH.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/11/2020 00:09

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

I actually wonder the opposite. That he's aware of the ED and is being an utter shit, controlling you with this bullshit.

It's your place, act like it.

YoniAndGuy · 23/11/2020 00:10

Fucking hell get rid.

How DARE he insult you like that.

He has no respect for you - do not continue with this because this is not a good dynamic with a lodger.

Absolute mannerless rude boor!

HeddaGarbled · 23/11/2020 00:10

You are being too accommodating. He needs to shut up or sod off. IT’S YOUR HOUSE AND YOU CAN EAT WHAT YOU LIKE.

Cherrysoup · 23/11/2020 00:10

He’s very rude and you need to tell him so.

ReturnfromtheStars · 23/11/2020 00:10

Yes I agree find a new lodger, you wouldn't want to make your mental health suffer. Your food sounds yummy and delicious. He sounds like he has his own food issues, it would also be better for him to lodge elsewhere.

Tolleshunt · 23/11/2020 00:11

He’s being an arse. And reading your OP, I thought it was him with the eating disorder.

You were right to tell him, and any further peep out of him about your food should result in you coming down on him HARD, IMO. And if he still does it, give him his marching orders. You don’t need to deal with that shit in your own home.

MrsFrTedCrilly · 23/11/2020 00:12

That would really really piss me off. He is shockingly rude. I don’t think that I could live with someone like that. It’s your house and you are essentially being made to feel uncomfortable there. Life is way too short for that sort of shit! Time for a new lodger Smile

BluePheasant · 23/11/2020 00:13

Time to tell him he needs to find somewhere else to live. Commenting once or twice like that would be rude. Consistently making these comments goes further than that. He is making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Get rid.

YoniAndGuy · 23/11/2020 00:13

And I can’t believe that your response so far has been to meekly but him his own fridge and say that you’re so sorry that you can’t avoid cooking in YOUR OWN KITCHEN!

The only reasonable response from the start would be ‘Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?

Honestly OP you’re going to have to toughen up a bit with the next one - but ask this one to leave before he throws his weight around any further.

RightOnTheEdge · 23/11/2020 00:13

YANBU he's being very rude!
It's your house so you shouldn't have to promise to not eat in front of him and worrying about jumping up and washing things straight away. Tell him if he doesn't like it he can find somewhere else to live.

You've obviously got to have a little bit of compromise and be thoughtful when you live with someone but don't let him be so obnoxious. You should be able to relax and feel comfortable in your own home.

user1473878824 · 23/11/2020 00:14

Tell him to leave and I’d be tempted to tell him what a rude cunt he is too.

Pepperama · 23/11/2020 00:17

You give him a choice. He stops commenting on your cooking and eating habits immediately, or he finds himself a new place next month. End of.

alexdgr8 · 23/11/2020 00:17

he's taking liberties. maybe you did not know him as well as you thought you did.
he's behaving as if you are equal flatmates. it's not on. making you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
he needs to find somewhere else to live.
and be careful who how you choose a lodger in future.
if you are female, i think a female lodger would be better.
if it's only you plus lodger in house.
good luck.

DishingOutDone · 23/11/2020 00:22

Let me guess, you're 32 and he's 58. He clearly thinks this is something he is in charge of; if you don't feel able to challenge him on it, then its time to end the arrangement.

cbt944 · 23/11/2020 00:25

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Ugh. Rude! Get rid! In the interim, I would be tempted to make some pointed comments about his eating habits, even if only in the silence of my own mind...

On the plus side, you are setting yourself up for a long, healthy, and brain healthy older age with your food preferences, versus (and as I would comment re) his - sad, gut-unfriendly, limited, hideously overprocessed, high in trans fats, low in fibre, atherosclerosis inducing, dementia risk increasing, and bowel cancer inviting - 'food' choices!

NoSquirrels · 23/11/2020 00:27

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Of course YANBU. Bloody hell. I'd say you're being more than considerate. In your own house too!

And yes, it would irritate the life out of me.

He clearly has food issues. If he cannot keep his trap shut and learn to modify his own behaviour (rather than expecting you to modify yours) then he can move out.

No extra rent money is worth the constant sniping.

NoSquirrels · 23/11/2020 00:28

Anyway - most importantly, what did HE say in reply to your perfectly reasonable chat?

Original poster
Housewoes23 · 23/11/2020 00:30

Okay wow. Unanimous!

I thought perhaps I was being over sensitive due to my past issues with food, and also maybe It's normal to comment on other folk's food. I do find it rude, and also unnecessary! I thought maybe it may be normal to comment that you really don't like any sorts of foods as another person, but not constantly-that began to grate.

Could anyone fathom what the point of him doing this is-why would anyone choose to do this?

MrsTerryPratchett your theory -he is aware of my eating issues. Maybe you're right :( I cant remember exactly why I told him but he does know.

dishing I'm 38 he's 52.

rightontheedge I felt that, if he really find my food so offensive, It's no big deal for me to eat in the kitchen if he's in the sitting room or vice versa (seating areas in each that we both use), that this was a fair compromise.

I am a tad paranoid now admittedly in case (god forbid) I did leave anything around. He also once wouldn't wash his own things up because I'd gone upstairs and left a plate on the side with some sauce on it. One plate-I just wanted to go to the loo before I washed up. Just remembered that one.

Yoni I admit I can be a bit too meed :( I am assertive in some areas of life but a tad sensitive about this one because, well it is his home too.
I am very glad others would find this rude too though. Not just me.

OP posts: