To pull my lodger up about commenting on my food?

[Housewoes23]

I've recently moved into a house and I took on a lodger about 3 weeks later.
I knew him before we made this arrangement, acquaintance rather than friend but we get along okay.

Over the last 10 or so days, he has said(amongst others probably, I haven't documented but as far as I remember)

'Ugh making that disgusting smelly stuff again'

'I emptied the bin and it was fully of your smelly food!'

(When I was making hummus) 'Ugh!I hope the top doesn't come off that blender can you imagine that disgusting stuff going all over the kitchen!'

When I hadn't yet washed up (I'd only just finished making my dinner) and he came in the kitchen 'Eewww!! Disgusting saucy stuff all in the washing up bowl!' (I wasn't going to leave it, I just literally hadn't finished clearing up yet, it was seconds after I'd cooked).

Also, he has his own fridge but shares a freezer with me. He won't go in it because 'my disgusting food' is in there.

I got him his own fridge because he wouldnt share one with me-there was plenty of room for two people's foodstuffs in there, but he 'didn't want to touch my disgusting sauces and horrible food' (I'm paraphrasing but something like that).

For context,we're both single people aged 38 and 52.

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

TIA :)

He's clearly got issues with food, evidenced by the coleslaw incident.

It isn't your issue though. His right to wave his arms around stops at your nose.

Very rude indeed.

You're in London? You will be able to get a lodger who will pay full rent and not be rude about your food in about 5 minutes. I wouldn't live like this - give him notice and find yourself a nice quiet person who wouldn't dream of being so rude.

No, she's not in London.
He needs help, if he's that averse to any thought of food he doesn't like even approaching his food (What did the pub say about his burger?)
In the meantime, he needs to live, and cook, alone.
I have to say as a single woman in my mid 30s I don't think I'd have felt comfortable with a male lodger that much older. I only took female lodgers when I had my flat at that age.

I really can't be bothered with idiots whose diet is shit. Full stop.
But certainly wouldn't entertain any comment over my diet.
Next time he says something - point out that if he wants to live to a ripe old retirement he needs to stop being so lazy and start eating veg etc

I voted YABU because of this:
Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

What you should have said was that he had one week to find somewhere else to live and that you were going to advertise his room first thing in the morning.
This is what you should do, btw.

He doesn't just have an issue with food.

He has an issue with understanding whose house he lives in.

Also this -
This won't stop in the kitchen.

My first thought was 'bet this is a bloke' but I also thought that maybe he's actually on the Autistic Spectrum.. this is exactly what my son was like when he was younger. He's know learnt that it's not appropriate to say stuff like this and to keep his food feelings to himself. I didn't tolerate from him (I know that sounds harsh but I didn't want him growing up thinking he could do it) and I certainly wouldn't tolerate it from a lodger.
I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that you're not accepting his comments and if he doesn't like your food or cooking then he needs to move out. Be very clear and straightforward with him so that he totally understands what you mean.( that way if he is on the spectrum he 'gets it' if not then he can't accidentally 'misunderstand' I think ultimately he needs to move out, protect you're own mental health x good luck

There's no such thing as being oversensitive. Why don't your feelings command respect, especially in this situation, where somebody is living in your house? Why don't your feelings command respect from you?

'Can you stop making judgemental comments about my food, please?' Say it every time he does it. Just keep it on repeat to give him a few days to get used to not being a judgemental, intrusive plonker.

If he does it again after that, tell him you've asked him nicely; one more time and he's out. Then follow through. You have nothing to lose. You can get another lodger if you don't like having someone in your house who persists in doing something that makes you uncomfortable, even when they've been specifically asked not to. It's quite fair.

If you were being a snowflake, what would you fear? His judgement? Why?

He’s being incredibly rude. If he does it again please say assertively and clearly, “This is my house and I can cook and eat what I like. If you can’t cope with that you need to look for alternative accommodation. Your food issues are not my problem”.

Op I would watch this situation very carefully indeed. The fact that, when living in your home at a reduced rate, you've gone to the expense of buying him a separate fridge, and he still feels entitled to criticize your food and make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Red flags! Red flags everywhere!

When he comments again tell him firmly that it's not working and he is to leave.
As others have said, this is YOUR home not his. And he is being incredibly rude and disrespectful. You cook whatever food you like, (and btw, it sounds absolutely delicious).
Do you really need to have a lodger? If you do, make sure you ask lots of questions next time you're looking for someone.
xx

My dbro had a housemate who commented on his cooking and food choices and that seemed like bullying - the comments made were unkind and they were done as part of power games.

Having said that I know someone with an ED who couldn’t share a kitchen with someone making food types they have a phobia of (eg they couldn’t watch someone juicing). I wonder if his ED is around highly selective eating plus food phobias. He may not be aware he has it. My friend would need separate food prep times, all food gone from the kitchen before she could cook and separate food storage areas with the food she can’t see in non clear good storage. Having said that she wouldn’t be rude (might have a panic attack though).

I would give it a few weeks and if he doesn’t stop he has to go

I wouldn't let someone talk to me like that in my own house.

I knew the lodger was going to be a man ; every so often on MN, someone will post about their colleague who insists on commenting on what they're eating every single time, and it's almost always a man.

Well done for speaking up. He knows where the boundaries are now so you have good reason to kick him out if he crosses them again.

@Limpshade I know some men do this but my dbros housemate who did this was a woman

It sounds like he has a real phobia/ with sauces/mustard/garlic.
Not eating a burger because there is coleslaw in a ramekin is not normal.
sounds like he needs therapy himself

He sounds like he has an ed but that's no excuse to speak to you like that. See if he stops but if not then tell him it isn't working out

He shouldn't be making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. He stops or he leaves.

It's the height of bad manners to comment negatively on people's food choices. Usually indicates a very limited palate, too. I can't believe the number of people who proudly talk about how much they hate fish, or certain vegetables, or whatever. Tell him to fuck off.

Sounds like you’ve handled it really well OP. Let’s hope he stops being rude and offensive. If he starts up again I would give him notice to leave.

He sounds about 6.

There is absolutely no need for him to comment on your food so agree its very rude of him BUT at the same time the smell of certain foods cooking can be awful.

As much as I love cooking all sorts of cuisine I HATE the lingering smell from the food after it's been eaten so always make sure the place is well ventilated when cooking.

A friend feels the cold quiet a bit so hardly ever opens windows so as a result her place always smells awful despite how good the food tastes and this smell permeates EVERYTHING clothes, furniture, hair... Just something with considering

I’m sure OP is opening a window! All cooking smells, you can’t avoid it.

He sounds like my 5 year old!

@Diverseopinions

Firstly, I agree with everybody else that you shouldn't be made to feel upset. It would be impossible to say whether this man thinks he is making a little joke; being an old rascal; hamming himself up as a stereotypical meateater. I also don't know what it would mean to be an acquaintance in this situation: perhaps he thinks he is a friend and entitled to have a little banter and tease. He is clearly very insensitive, and no way ought you be made to feel upset .

This next point is sort of an aside and doesn't cancel out a sense of the consideration and courtesy owing to OP.

I can't help feeling that it's a tough world for those who lodge. They are the lowly one in an unequal relationship. It seems to be ok to take the line that it isn't their house, so they should know their place. It's an almost Victorian idea to me. If you get rid of a lodger, just like that, they lose their only bit of comfort, their little room to call their own. But posters often urge landlords to put their own feelings first. It's ok to joke that a woman has kicked them out. Who does this person they think they are? Is the sort of old-fashioned attitude shown to lodgers of all genders and ages.

Yet lodgers are doing landlords a massive favour. They are giving - well about £600 per month, the ones I know in SE London - for no real service, just a room the landlord isn't using, and they are beefing up security, and being a person to take in parcels when not working that day, a friend if they were a sort of friend before. And yet they are talked about as though they are children, on MN.

I think that really researching lodgers before they move in is crucial. They surely don't just become annoying. Landlords need to be treated well, of course, but I can't help feeling sad about the general plight of the person who is trying to make a nest in the house of someone who wants their home to their self, and they want the income which, sans mortgage, they could live off - cake and eat it.

"Researching" a lodger or even a friend does not mean the behaviour and habits of that eventually creep in are bearable. This mans behaviours pathetic and rude. However much this moron is paying it wouldn't be worth listening to bS! He's 50 odd boarding screams Why?!