Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull my lodger up about commenting on my food?

418 replies

Housewoes23 · 23/11/2020 00:04

I've recently moved into a house and I took on a lodger about 3 weeks later.
I knew him before we made this arrangement, acquaintance rather than friend but we get along okay.

Over the last 10 or so days, he has said(amongst others probably, I haven't documented but as far as I remember)

'Ugh making that disgusting smelly stuff again'

'I emptied the bin and it was fully of your smelly food!'

(When I was making hummus) 'Ugh!I hope the top doesn't come off that blender can you imagine that disgusting stuff going all over the kitchen!'

When I hadn't yet washed up (I'd only just finished making my dinner) and he came in the kitchen 'Eewww!! Disgusting saucy stuff all in the washing up bowl!' (I wasn't going to leave it, I just literally hadn't finished clearing up yet, it was seconds after I'd cooked).

Also, he has his own fridge but shares a freezer with me. He won't go in it because 'my disgusting food' is in there.

I got him his own fridge because he wouldnt share one with me-there was plenty of room for two people's foodstuffs in there, but he 'didn't want to touch my disgusting sauces and horrible food' (I'm paraphrasing but something like that).

For context,we're both single people aged 38 and 52.

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

TIA :)

OP posts:
MumbleBee20 · 23/11/2020 00:30

Why are you pandering to that shit? How about you stop apologising for making healthy, normal food in your own kitchen, and eating them in your own house. Instead, you should tell him to piss off with his beige and boring food, and find somewhere else to live.

ekidmxcl · 23/11/2020 00:31

Why is he lodging with you? Has he been thrown out by a partner - for crappy behaviour?

SapphireSeptember · 23/11/2020 00:31

Hummus is delicious, and he is an arsehole! Sounds like a child to me. He either grows the hell up or he needs to be told to jog on.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/11/2020 00:32

He doesnt have to like it, but also he shouldnt need to comment on it.

My BF hates spicy food, he cant even smell it. He wont even eat garlicy food that is anything stronger than a pizza. He has good reason and I dont eat it around him, but equally when I am craving a curry, he wont make any comment about the fact that I stink of garlic or chilli afterwards, he knows that it is his issue. The only thing we cant do is me eat curry in his house as the smell is a massive trigger for him, so I dont.

Point is that he is aware of his issues and isnt fucking rude about it, especially as he knows I am not a fan of the beige food he can eat.

Original poster
Housewoes23 · 23/11/2020 00:33

return thank you. I do love cooking and experimenting with it. :)

A bit too meed. Grin MEEK!

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 23/11/2020 00:33

@alexdgr8

he's taking liberties. maybe you did not know him as well as you thought you did. he's behaving as if you are equal flatmates. it's not on. making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. he needs to find somewhere else to live. and be careful who how you choose a lodger in future. if you are female, i think a female lodger would be better. if it's only you plus lodger in house. good luck.
This^

He is definitely bullying and controlling.
Get rid of him asap.
I agree a female lodger would likely be better. Set some boundaries before they move in.

pigsDOfly · 23/11/2020 00:34

He need to go.

He's lodging in your house, he's being incredibly rude and unpleasant to you and there you are apologising for cooking in your own kitchen and then telling him you'll make sure you clear everything up as quickly as possible so as not to offend him.

It's your kitchen. If you wanted to leave things soaking in the sink for hours on end it would be nothing to do with him. He's the lodger in YOUR house.

You should never have indulged him by getting the extra fridge for his food.

It's time to tell him it's not working out and he must find somewhere else to live. You don't need someone like that in your home. He sound horrible and he's probably going to get worse.

Giraffey1 · 23/11/2020 00:34

You got him a fridge? I’d have shown him the door already ....

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/11/2020 00:35

Having said that....hummus is fucking gopping. FACT :o

Imissmoominmama · 23/11/2020 00:36

He sounds as though he really struggles with the smell of some foods. However, he can’t dictate what you cook and eat, so really he’d be better off looking for somewhere else to live.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/11/2020 00:36

I agree that the age thing may be a factor. He is acting like the father figure/alpha male in YOUR house!

Why is he still in need of being a lodger at that age? I mean, I get that shit happens but it seems a bit odd.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 23/11/2020 00:37

Ask him to leave. It's YOUR house & he's behaving unpleasantly. It's definitely not you, it's him.

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 23/11/2020 00:38

when you told him he was making you feel self conscious etc what did he say?

BestZebbie · 23/11/2020 00:39

this is bizarre! Is he hoping you'll change your diet to his and then cook for him/feed him?

PerveenMistry · 23/11/2020 00:39

Ask him to leave. And tell him to fuck right off.

How dare he?!

Are you charging him a market rent or giving him a break, op? If the latter he's doubly an asshole.

MumbleBee20 · 23/11/2020 00:40

Sounds like he's trying to train you... he'll think it's working if you're apologising for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Put together with you changing how you would normally do things just so you don't upset him. Bet he's feeling chuffed with himself.

Cattenberg · 23/11/2020 00:41

I think he’s being extremely rude. I wouldn’t want to live with him, personally.

Also, lots of people eat hummus, Just look at the wide selection of hummuses you can buy in any supermarket.

saraclara · 23/11/2020 00:41

It's your house! He's behaving appallingly. And that bit about not washing up because you'd left a plate out? How DARE he! It's your kitchen!

You've been way too accommodating. It needs to stop here. He's the one with food issues, not you. If you can't live normally in your own house without him making nasty comments, he needs to go.

CheetasOnFajitas · 23/11/2020 00:43

You need to tell him that it’s not working out and give him notice to leave. You do not have to explain why. If you feel the need, tell him that you have reviewed your finances and no longer need the income.

You are the landlord, do not forget that. Do NOT let this man continue to affect your quality of life as he is currently doing.

Nanny0gg · 23/11/2020 00:43

You really need to ask him to leave. This won't stop in the kitchen.

Cattenberg · 23/11/2020 00:44

Is he making you feel uncomfortable in your own home? If he is, and he won’t change his ways, then he has to go.

NoSquirrels · 23/11/2020 00:44

Dear god above he sounds insufferable.

Could anyone fathom what the point of him doing this is-why would anyone choose to do this?

Because he's an entitled wanker? - he thinks you should change because he says so?

Because he's got food issues and is vastly unaware of how unreasonable he is?

Because he gets off on moving into someone else's house and dictating to them how they live?

I don't know. But I do know that if you are going to have lodgers, you need to toughen up. Your house, your rules. Never has that saying applied more than to the landlord-lodger relationship. You say what goes, if he doesn't like it he goes elsewhere.

You're not flatmates on an equal tenancy. You don't need to be anything but clear about your boundaries.

No commenting on food, at all, ever. Kitchen to be left by both of you in the state it was found in.

OrangeIsTheNewTwat · 23/11/2020 00:45

I'd give him one warning - only one - that you won't tolerate his unpleasant bullying behaviour any longer. Anything further will result in you serving him with his notice, & do it. No second chances, no additional time. He sounds, honestly, quite unpleasant. And I'm not surprised he's in the situation he's in, if he behaves like this normally.

RightOnTheEdge · 23/11/2020 00:46

Housewoes23 You sound very kind. You've bent over backwards for him buying him a fridge when you didn't need one and trying to compromise when he's repaid you by being a rude pig to you.

What did he say when spoke to him? Was he sorry at all?

jessstan1 · 23/11/2020 00:48

@katy1213

I'd remind him whose house it is and if he doesn't like it he knows where to go.
That.

He is extremely rude. Get rid of him!