To pull my lodger up about commenting on my food?

[Housewoes23]

I've recently moved into a house and I took on a lodger about 3 weeks later.
I knew him before we made this arrangement, acquaintance rather than friend but we get along okay.

Over the last 10 or so days, he has said(amongst others probably, I haven't documented but as far as I remember)

'Ugh making that disgusting smelly stuff again'

'I emptied the bin and it was fully of your smelly food!'

(When I was making hummus) 'Ugh!I hope the top doesn't come off that blender can you imagine that disgusting stuff going all over the kitchen!'

When I hadn't yet washed up (I'd only just finished making my dinner) and he came in the kitchen 'Eewww!! Disgusting saucy stuff all in the washing up bowl!' (I wasn't going to leave it, I just literally hadn't finished clearing up yet, it was seconds after I'd cooked).

Also, he has his own fridge but shares a freezer with me. He won't go in it because 'my disgusting food' is in there.

I got him his own fridge because he wouldnt share one with me-there was plenty of room for two people's foodstuffs in there, but he 'didn't want to touch my disgusting sauces and horrible food' (I'm paraphrasing but something like that).

For context,we're both single people aged 38 and 52.

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

TIA :)

I'm really glad to hear it OP. Get rid. And I would go for a female lodger next time.

Ive been looking online at the stipulations others advertising got lodgers have. I think I'll reclaim my space for a bit first however :) I didnt have much time here alone before he moved in.

Today I started thinking victim-blamey things and getting annoyed with OP for endlessly dithering and discussing their conversations and texts here instead of looking for another, decent lodger.

Honestly, this is how I feel. I find the OP’s hesitance so bizarre.

I dislike confrontation as much as the next person, but I dislike (the idea of) weirdos in my home much, much more.

I do accept that as someone with no experience of abusive relationships, and with rock solid boundaries and self-esteem, I perhaps can’t understand the mindset. But this would just be an instant, ‘sorry, this is not working out, here’s one week’s notice’ at the first hint of odd behaviour, from me.

Thank goodness you are finally going to get shot of him. But please, just do it, when you say you’re going to do it.

Don’t dither around waiting for the perfect opportunity.

If he can’t bear to use the toilet when someone else is upstairs, then surely he needs to live alone?

I think you’re doing the right thing in giving him notice.

Thank goodness OP.
You won't regret it.

@Housewoes23

Ive been looking online at the stipulations others advertising got lodgers have. I think I'll reclaim my space for a bit first however :) I didnt have much time here alone before he moved in.

Good work - I think as a homeowner who takes in lodgers you need to be rock solid on the things that make home home for you, so you can work out appropriate boundaries. Then you can know you’re looking for a lodger who suits you, not you bending to a lodger’s desires.

I'm going to do it end of next week when ... I... will be at home, in case he decides to do anything dodgy
Oh, the rush of satisfaction I felt on reading that! I'm so pleased that you will be moving about your own home without being harried to go away, and cooking and eating in peace.

I really am too invested in this thread, eh?

I would ask him what food he finds acceptable and then only buy and eat that food from then on out to avoid further hassle.

I heard him saying someone on TV had a nice bottom, and heard him refer to our friend as having a 'big bottom'.

This is an overt power play. So much crossing of lines:

• He was inviting you to be complicit in a conversation about your mutual friend's body.
• He was being over familiar in a completely creepy way, assuming you wanted to discuss other women's rear ends.
• He was not respecting the fact that you are the home owner, not him.

All of it is intended to erase boundaries.

STUDY THIS:
www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/ending-a-letting

Call your CAB this week and get advice about how to get rid of this man properly and legally. Do not put this off.

You have to get this right.

OP, don't you want to have the house to yourself for the ten days you're off? Give him notice now so he's already gone by then!

I would ask him what food he finds acceptable and then only buy and eat that food from then on out to avoid further hassle

@watthaduck are you the OP's lodger? Or are you deliberately provoking?

@watthaduck

I would ask him what food he finds acceptable and then only buy and eat that food from then on out to avoid further hassle.

Why the fuck would you do that? Lodgers are living in someone else's home. They have to accept that their landlord may cook or eat different food to them.

I've not been a lodger, but have lived in shared accommodation before, such as when I was a student etc. Should I only have cooked food that everybody liked (not possible) and never what I wanted or fancied?

Fuck that.

@Alethiometrical @Topseyt I was being sarcastic...

This guy has definite food issues, he's likely a super taster and a super smeller and super sensitive to textures too. It's a sensory issue I think. His rudeness is unacceptable though.

I would have a chat being sympathetic to his issues and say it's possible you are not compatible to live together.

Oh apols @watthaduck - I guess that's why we have smileys/emoticons/emojis

coaltit I have ended up invested in many threads myself, I am flattered

Math I didn't engage at all-I don't like that sort of conversation about people's bodies. I don't think they're to be commented on at all really unless the owner of the body specifically asks one to!

wattha you had me for a moment!

@Housewoes23 How are you getting on with the lodger? Has he gone?
I hope you can have a relaxing Christmas alone in your own home.