To pull my lodger up about commenting on my food?

[Housewoes23]

I've recently moved into a house and I took on a lodger about 3 weeks later.
I knew him before we made this arrangement, acquaintance rather than friend but we get along okay.

Over the last 10 or so days, he has said(amongst others probably, I haven't documented but as far as I remember)

'Ugh making that disgusting smelly stuff again'

'I emptied the bin and it was fully of your smelly food!'

(When I was making hummus) 'Ugh!I hope the top doesn't come off that blender can you imagine that disgusting stuff going all over the kitchen!'

When I hadn't yet washed up (I'd only just finished making my dinner) and he came in the kitchen 'Eewww!! Disgusting saucy stuff all in the washing up bowl!' (I wasn't going to leave it, I just literally hadn't finished clearing up yet, it was seconds after I'd cooked).

Also, he has his own fridge but shares a freezer with me. He won't go in it because 'my disgusting food' is in there.

I got him his own fridge because he wouldnt share one with me-there was plenty of room for two people's foodstuffs in there, but he 'didn't want to touch my disgusting sauces and horrible food' (I'm paraphrasing but something like that).

For context,we're both single people aged 38 and 52.

I LOVE cooking. I love greek food and often make dips and crudites and use garlic and herbs and sauces.

He is a very plain eater (chicken and chips, ready made pies you'd shove in an oven, bread and cheese).

I haven't ever commented on his choice of eating habits, wouldn't even cross my mind.

Anyway tonight I told him it was making me feel self concious and I would make sure I didn't eat near him, but there is one small kitchen so I can't avoid cooking in it. I'll make sure all is cleaned up when I've used it and won't ever leave anything to be washed up, but I didn't see the need to constantly jibe at what I eat.

AIBU?
And also, would this irritate you?

Another context point is, I have a bit of an ED. 95% corrected now, but I've never particularly liked eating in front of people, although I was/am almost over it-this isn't helping so I wonder if I am being over-sensitive.

TIA :)

What an absolute arsehole. Get rid of him.

He is one nasty rude piece of work!

He's doing it to make you feel uncomfortable, so he can control you, and it's working! You are changing your behaviour in order to placate him.
What will it be next? He doesn't like the clothes you wear? Or he doesn't like how the house is decorated?

This can't go on.
You shouldn't be feeling unhappy in your own home!
He has to go, and the sooner the better.

Just give him a couple of days notice to pack his things up, he's the type who will sabotage something in the house to get his own back, so don't give him the opportunity to do that.

Out. OUT OUT OUT! This is your home, he is the lodger. There are others. And it doesn't sound as if you are getting along now, at all. This is petty in the extreme, and passive-aggressive BS. Also in the extreme.

And please, Mrs, may I come and eat at your house? It's a long swim, and I'll be towing a very irate, wet cat in a carrier, but I'm willing if you are!

I think it would make me laugh and pull his leg warmly about eating children’s beige food.

How unspeakingly rude.

He's acting as if he's the landlord and overstepping even if he was! Get rid!

Why are you being apologetic to him IN YOUR HOUSE?!

At the very least tell him to quit making rude comments and to use the kitchen like a normal fucking person!

He could have an Ed himself or he could be using knowledge of yours against you. Irrelevant to a point he's plain out of order!

I'm guessing his behaviour is WHY he needed to find a new place to live! Is he the older one of the 2 of you? I'm guessing he is and as a result of being an older man has an extremely entitled attitude!

The only reasonable response from the start would be ‘Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?

Yep!

I'd have ignored the 1st comment but by the 2nd this would have been my response

Op I have ocd, I know what you mean about not being sure if your thinking is "normal" but we are telling you you're absolutely right he's out of order!

I'm 38 he's 52

Thought so!

Next time you get a lodger aim for someone younger, another woman would probably be better too and at the very least have some ground rules that you lay out BEFORE they move in and stick to them and make sure they do too!

You need to be assertive in this dynamic too, being a landlord is a job and you need to treat it as such and remember ITS YOUR HOUSE!

@Porridgeoat

I think it would make me laugh and pull his leg warmly about eating children’s beige food.

Well we know who he will be moving in with then......

Tell him he is not to comment on food and smell at all, you learn that in kindergarten . Then give him a time slot where he can use the kitchen to cook his meal and ask him to stay away when you cook and eat. If that doesn't work LTB .

Not liking sauce or the look of sauce makes me wonder if he is 4 years old particularly the way he verbalises his dislike.

He has the palette of a deprived toddler. I wouldn’t place much value on his comments and I certainly wouldn’t change my eating arrangements to suit him.

Oh another thing, cook just fish sauce in a pan (smells a little like the monkey enclosure).

This is a massive red flag and he is clearly a fucking freak. Believe me, he's bad news. Get him out. Lie if you have to. Just do it. He's speaking to you like that a fifty fucking two...he can see you are meek" and he is preying on it. He is an utter fucktard. Get him out.

People at my job would witter on about what I ate for lunch, making fun of it. (Nothing stinking, just crisps and cream cheese or whatever), I told them to not tell me how disgusting my food is, thanks. They managed to control themselves ever since. Tell the useless fucker to not comment on your food, thanks. He can be removed at any time, he has zero rights or protections as a lodger.

This might be a good opportunity to crack out your best attempt at assertiveness. Even if you do it badly, it's worth the effort. He can be good practice for you.

I would remind him: Commenting on other's food is rude. Your plates in the sink are not his concern. He's the lodger! It's not a share house, on equal footing, and he's not your (horrible, bully of a) partner, thank god. And if he doesn't shut his trap he can go lodge elsewhere.

I'm so cross for you! It's your house, you eat well, and if you want to leave your used dishes etc lying about for whatever length of time, that is your business and not his to comment on, either.

"Get the fuck out of my house then, you cheeky fucker" should sort it out.

Not everyone likes the smell of aromatic food, that's true but no need to be throwing around words like disgusting when speaking of something someone else has cooked and is about to put in their mouths. Extremely rude to try to put someone off their dinner. He is trying to control what you eat to suit his lordship's delicate snout, making certain foids less appetising by negging them.

Willing to bet he's a lodger at 52 because somewhere there's another woman who had enough of him and chucked him out.

"Will you shut the fuck up about what I'm eating!"

Seriously Op get rid

Sorry,what's an ED?

OP, I’m late 40s, so closer to his age than yours. After my 20s I refused to get involved with any man my age or older, as they grew up with a different mindset to those younger. They really do believe they are entitled to order you around. Fuck him off, he’s just a lodger. Because you can. 😀

It’s interesting how you’re making this about YOUR eating issues. This is 100% about HIS eating issues. You are eating healthy foods from a wide palate of flavours and colours. His are not. Your choices are freaking him out to the point that he can’t go into a freezer in case he smells something? I think HE has phobias here and is projecting and controlling.... the problem is not you.

all the PPs above saying get rid, it's your house - its more than that; it is your HOME - you have every right to feel comfortable in it, not intimidated by this rude excuse for a human being.
He is the lodger - he is either polite, or finds himself somewhere else to live.

Sorry just twigged! Eating disorder.

You are being unreasonable getting him his own fridge and going out of your way not to eat in front of him. He needs to put up or shut up! You are doing it nothing wrong be and he needs to learn some manners.

He needs to go. This will only escalate. He has no respect for you and is treating you with contempt.
His attitude about the fridge & freezer is beyond words. Why did you let yourself be bullied into buying him a fridge?
This situation might get sorted but at what price to yourself?
There will be something else after foodgate.
He needs to leave.