To bring a baby to a funeral?

[CescaNicole]

I have been told its inappropriate to bring my 12 week old baby to a grandparents funeral.
Baby is breastfed and funeral is 1 hour travel away.

I haven't tried her with a bottle yet and wasnt intending to do so as I found this stressful with my other children.

Honest thoughts please?

I think it's very selfish that someone has told you that it's inappropriate to take the baby.

Inappropriate? It's a human being?

I wouldn't want to leave a bottle fed baby at that age never mind a breastfed baby. And also during a pandemic it's not exactly easy to just arrange a baby sitter.

You are a close relative too so you shouldn't miss the funeral because of someone else's daft opinion, as long as the baby is quiet and tucked away during the service what's the problem? Any normal person would take the baby out if they became distracting so it shouldn't impact on the funeral in any way

Op when my grandfather passed away I was pregnant with number 4. My DH couldn't get time off of work and my youngest was 1.5 years and the other 2 were 3 and 4.5

We laugh now but I was mortified at the time. We were late due to traffic and being heavily pregnant! Had to make a few stops as it was a bit of a journey. We were late but thought fine slip in sit at the back....but No the only seats available where right at the front!

Had to walk past everyone shusshing the children. Had to stop them being tempted to dance when singing hymns. İt was very stressful. I then apologised to everyone profusely. But... Everyone was fine. They were very happy we made it and said how proud my grandfather would have been as actually they weren't too and it was just magnified by my grief. We were very close. And my grandmother was happy and didn't mind at all.

No one will worry about a child making some noise. funerals don't have to be completely sombre and sad.

Read the OP's posts!

It is her parent (child of the deceased) who has said No. And the OP is going to abide by their wishes.

So there is no point in telling her to ignore them and go anyway!
She just wondered what other people thought.

No one will worry about a child making some noise.

Actually, some people really won't like it.

It probably is. Most of our customs and attitudes to funerals were set by the Victorians
Maybe but it doesn't mean it's right to dismiss someone's perfectly reasonable feelings about grief and funerals in 2020 by saying 'oh that's so Victorian' with the implications 'of course we have babies at our funerals because we're more enlightened than those who don't'.

It's just a lazy way of dismissing people who have a different view

No one will worry about a child making some noise.

Actually, some people really won't like it.

This is the reality. Some will find it comforting others not.

For me I find it comforting and I like children at funerals and weddings. The culture I grew up in encourages this. (Scandinavian)

For dhs family they liked it didn't encourage but nor discouraged left it to us to decide.

My youngest came with me to my grandads funeral age 6 months she spent it cuddled in the arms of my sister and aunt didnt say a peep.

As for disrespect again it depends on the outlook. 2 ways to see it. Neither are right or wrong. However for me a child present at a funeral is a positive thing

Had my mother told me to not bring baby to my grandfathers funeral I am not sure what I would have done. (I don't live in the same country) luckily for me I didn't gave that worry

* I’m sorry for your loss, OP, and that you won’t be able to go. Is there maybe a friend who could go with you to help? You could then breastfeed the baby before the service and your friend could push her around in her pram for half an hour/45 minutes? Funeral services are mostly no longer than this. I would be willing to help out a friend in this way.*

Oh dear, that wasn’t meant to be bold, sorry.

Weddings where bride / groom have expressly requested no babies - absolutely not.
Funerals - wouldn't occur to me not to bring my baby. I took DD to a funeral aged about 6 weeks. If she had cried if have taken her out. Hardly rocket science.

Thankyou all for your comments! It's clearly a divided debate and a personal choice.
As I mentioned I'm not going to go against my parents wishes and bring the baby anyway, I shall likely be missing the funeral unfortunately.
I know some people mentioned my husband looking after the baby outside whilst I'm in the service and this is a potential option if we can organise childcare for my other children and time off work for him.
So we are looking into that 🤞🏻

Ah other children and a 2hr round trip. Probably not practical that your DH attends unless they are all safely in school until hours later. Presume you may also be under pressure for numbers so while he'd be expected to attend under normal circs people have to be prioritised at the moment.
If you want to be there then I would just explain you have to bring the baby, there are no other options, it can't be helped.