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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring a baby to a funeral?

210 replies

CescaNicole · 22/11/2020 20:24

I have been told its inappropriate to bring my 12 week old baby to a grandparents funeral.
Baby is breastfed and funeral is 1 hour travel away.

I haven't tried her with a bottle yet and wasnt intending to do so as I found this stressful with my other children.

Honest thoughts please?

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 22/11/2020 20:43

We took DD to DH’s aunt’s funeral when she was about 4 months - funeral was 6 hours drive from home, so leaving her with eg my mum wouldn’t have worked, and as we lived so far away DH’s family mostly hadn’t met her. They’re fairly far-flung and sadly only seem to gather en-masse for funerals. DH’s uncle specifically told us he was delighted to have her there as his wife had loved babies.

NerrSnerr · 22/11/2020 20:45

I think it's only inappropriate if the numbers are limited due to Covid and if she counts towards the numbers. If you're in an area with restrictions it may be worth emailing the church/ crem as I imagine they have to be strict to avoid sanctions.

MitziK · 22/11/2020 20:45

I did it. She was perfectly well behaved - we sat near the exit in case she started to make a noise, but she didn't, and a lot of the older people there were very happy to see a baby.

Ragwort · 22/11/2020 20:46

We took our baby to DMIL's funeral BUT, my DM came too and stayed outside with our DS during the service ... in the event several other grandchildren also felt more comfortable outside, chatting with my mum. All the children then came to the 'Wake' which was more informal and relaxed.

TokyoSushi · 22/11/2020 20:47

I think it's fine, just sit by the door so you can nip out if necessary.

Apples6544 · 22/11/2020 20:47

Sorry for your loss. My grandma passed away recently and I will be taking my 5 month old daughter to the funeral.

Lochroy · 22/11/2020 20:48

I would think it's fine! A grandparent is a close relation. Who has said it's inappropriate? I would have the baby in a sling if poss as they're more likely to stay asleep and sit near the door.

The only reason I wouldn't is if a baby counted in the numbers in the current environment and excluded someone else.

Sorry for your loss.

ExclamationPerfume · 22/11/2020 20:48

Perfectly fine. I have always took my children from babies to funerals. Any crying I took them straight out.

BlackRibboner · 22/11/2020 20:49

Absolutely depends who asked and why. I have taken babies to a funeral twice, both times I ended up in the porch of the church trying to keep them quiet. In my case the family wanted them there, if they hadn't I wouldn't have taken them.

In your position, I'd seriously consider the bottle option. Apart from anything else, I'd be so on edge knowing baby wasn't really welcome, it would be hard to focus on the service and remembering my grandparents. I'm sorry this is being made so hard for you.

Bollss · 22/11/2020 20:49

I took 8 ish week old ds to his great grandma's funeral. It was fine. As it happens he didn't cry but if he had I would have just popped out with him. If people think it's inappropriate I'd be asking them why. I don't like banning people from funerals no matter their age unless there's very good reason.

MyNameForToday1980 · 22/11/2020 20:50

YANBU I took 3 week old DD to my DGM funeral.

It was pre COVID so DH could come too and we had a plan where he's take her for a walk around if she cried (she didn't).

Do you have a partner you can take, who can (for want of a better word) 'lurk' in the area in case DC needs a speedy exit (that isn't BF related).

ShinyGreenElephant · 22/11/2020 20:50

I've taken my nearly 2yo to several funerals, aged 5m, 15m and my grans last week. If she cried someone would have taken her out but shes been fine each time. The first time was because she was ebf and I couldn't leave her but the other 2 times was because I knew the person who died would have wanted her there. Just sit near the back and nip out if needs be. Sorry for your loss

MyNameForToday1980 · 22/11/2020 20:51

*he'd

ThatIsNotMyUsername · 22/11/2020 20:51

Funerals are so sad and stressful - I would have thought a baby there would lighten the atmosphere and I am sure your grandparent would have no problems with it at all.

gypsywater · 22/11/2020 20:51

A baby would be very distracting at a funeral. I dont think it is appropriate at all, personally.

ForeverBubblegum · 22/11/2020 20:52

I took my then 2 month old DS to my grandmother's funeral, DH sat with him at the back so he could leave if DS acted up, but he slept through it anyway. At the wake he was up and met some of the extended family, I think it was nice, and I'm sure DG would have been happy for him to be there.

However, could this be linked to covid restrictions (isn't everything). Not sure if babies would be included in the number allowed to attend, but if they are it would be unfair to tell someone they cannot attend because baby is taking what would have been their place. Could you get someone to go with you and push baby around in the pram outside the venue.

GlowingOrb · 22/11/2020 20:52

I had to bring dd to several funerals when she was an infant. Sit towards the back and step out if needed.

myneighboursarerude · 22/11/2020 20:53

It’s an odd family set up where a member of the family, baby or not, is not welcome. Their grief is not more valid than yours. As long as you sit at the back and make a quick exit if they make a peep I really don’t see the issue.

Who has told you it’s not appropriate?

wurlycurly · 22/11/2020 20:53

I would have thought it was fine. BUT my grandmother was really annoyed when I brought my baby (three months at the time) to my uncle’s funeral. I also got a bit of stick taking my two year old to my auntie’s funeral. It’s not like they cried or made a fuss. Some people don’t really like babies at funerals.

Noti23 · 22/11/2020 20:54

That’s ridiculous. I took my 6 week old to my grandad’s funeral. He came in the funeral family car and all. He slept through the whole thing in his car seat!

SparklyGlitter95 · 22/11/2020 20:54

I took my breastfed baby to my grandmothers funeral. No way I was going to miss it, stuff what anyone else thinks.

pincertoe · 22/11/2020 20:54

I look my 3 month old to my uncles funeral. If she didn't come with me I couldn't have gone as she was still breastfed and wouldn't take a bottle. I know my aunty and cousins enjoyed seeing her.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/11/2020 20:55

I've done it more than once. First time was awful and I had to eave with the baby, but it was dpsfamily so I just waited outside. No one was fussed and were happy to see him. Second was my grans funeral so I didn't really care what anyone else thought. She was my gran.

Thehop · 22/11/2020 20:56

I took my baby to grandpas funeral as he was breastfed. Everyone loved seeing him.

sugarbum · 22/11/2020 20:56

I took my 5 month old (DS2 - now 11) to my dads funeral. He was also there when my dad died. I had no choice. I couldn't leave him at home (5 hours away) as he was breastfed.
He was quite an easy happy baby and to be honest, it felt like it lifted a horrible occasion for everyone, meeting my dads new grandson (and the fact my dad got to meet him before he went)
As long as you are able to make an easy exit if necessary, and I'm assuming everyone will be distanced anyway, I don't see the issue.

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