"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

Nirvana t shirt.

In other words he wants you to wear makeup.

Fuck the patriarch shirt

Over the years I’ve realised that for any given dress code I have to be at least a degree (and typically two degrees) smarter than a man dressed according to the equivalent dress code. It annoys me no end. If a shirt and chinos is OK for a man, then why do I need to be in a skirt and heels?

No, don't wear the t-shirt or you'll come across as a trouble maker and difficult. And if you're a freelancer, you're perhaps more vulnerable than you think.
Having taken the emotion out of the situation, once you've reflected on his comment, if you think you were appropriately presented today then do not change a thing! But he has felt the need to mention you were dressed casually so be honest with yourself, do you need to smarten up a bit to reflect the professional environment you are interacting with and representing?

Sexist pig. Nirvana Tee next time.

This witch won’t burn t-shirt.

That’s amazing. Maybe next time wear a tie?

This witch won’t burn t-shirt.

This

I also hate it when only the male dress code is stated. For example “lounge suits”

You can ask what that means, but you tend to get really helpful guidance like “the equivalent for women.”

@Sidge

In other words he wants you to wear makeup.

Something like this, then, for the next workshop?

@Warpdrive

No, don't wear the t-shirt or you'll come across as a trouble maker and difficult. And if you're a freelancer, you're perhaps more vulnerable than you think. Having taken the emotion out of the situation, once you've reflected on his comment, if you think you were appropriately presented today then do not change a thing! But he has felt the need to mention you were dressed casually so be honest with yourself, do you need to smarten up a bit to reflect the professional environment you are interacting with and representing?

She was joking and she was dressed in the exact same clothes as the man making the complainant it's a completely ridiculous thing he was trying to power trip her. Not wearing makeup does not make you unprofessional having natural hair that is tied up smartly does not make you unprofessional. Picking on people to make yourself feel superior is.

Nirvana T, or something like this
www.elsiesattic.co.uk/product/navy-obstinate-headstrong-girl-sweatshirt/

'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

Beautiful comeback OP

Another vote for Smash the Patriarchy t-shirt

@Jumbogirl

'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

Beautiful comeback OP

Another vote for Smash the Patriarchy t-shirt

Eeek I meant smash, what I said is probably unprofessional 😅

Because I am a bit pissed off with the world today, I am going to suggest that you follow this up in writing. Something along the lines of:

Dear Tony,
I am writing because I wanted to follow up (or clarify) our earlier conversation about business wear standards.

I was wearing my usual work clothes of trousers and an ironed button down shirt/blouse (the exact same pattern as your shirt). I was wearing shoes, earrings and a pearl necklace. My hair was neatly tied up in a bun.

Please could you let me know what was not in keeping with normal business wear standards for women? (Say women - it puts then on notice to be aware of hidden sexism). (If you are feeling bolshy and don’t care about working with them again say ‘black women’). It

Yours sincerely,

Pissed Off

(But you are a freelancer. You should probably wait for more balanced opinions before following my advice).

Oh, the I would write if we lived I a world without consequences!

@byebyeboyee

Fuck the patriarch shirt

I know what you meant but also LMFAO I'll leave the patriarch un-fucked for the moment

I am fuming on your behalf!
That client sounds like a total nob, and utterly lacking in self awareness!
However, don't wear the T-shirt, unless you dont need the money or business.

Warpdrive did you read the ops whole post?
Because she HAS reflected on how she was presented. She sounds perfectly smart to me, from her description.
What is unprofessional about an ironed, buttoned shirt and smart trousers? Unless it is the lack of makeup and high maintenance hair do? (Which is bullshit).

Nirvana or am sure I can procure an insane clown posse t-shirt you can borrow!

I have curly hair (and I'm mixed white/black) and I know that curly hair is often the problem. To some, it isn't smart/professional. It nees to be flat and sleek to pass some standards! (I don't straighten mine either)

He wants you to wear makeup, plain and simple. How ridiculous. Loath this sort of misogyny.

Use one of those beautifying apps. My sister uses one when we zoom and she looks so glam!

I thought your come back was perfect. I doubt he will mention it again.
It's a shame you're a freelancer, not an employee, you really could fuck the patriarchy by making an issue of their blatant sexism.
Any way you can match his outfit again? That would be funny.

May not be just sexist, but also racist. I could put a bet on it that if your hair was straight he wouldn’t have said anything.

Wear the exact same shirt and accessories.