"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

He sounds sexist and also possibly racist. Your clothes sound absolutely fine to me. He can't demand you wear makeup or straighten your hair, and it sounds like that is what he is hinting at (consciously or unconsciously).

I'm afraid my hair is always (a mess) very curly with frizzy tendencies. I wasnt happy as a child but once I embraced it and stopped trying to tame it, my curls looked better. Tidy is tied up with tendrils, that's my look. Why should curly haired ladies have to endure hours of torture, just to have straight hair, because that's the norm. Its 2020

When I was in professional consulting the rules were to aim to dress two “levels” above the client

Broadly, levels were:

1. business formal (dark suits, collars, closed shoes, ties and cufflinks, long hair tied back)

1. business casual (chinos/Capri pants, blouses, blazers, no sandals)

1. casual (smart separates, polo shirts,

1. dress down, (jeans - no rips- converse type trainers -but not "running" style- t shirts etc)

There was a sort of unofficial level 1.5 where more casual suits were permitted and men could forgo the tie.

When working with clients only 1&2 were acceptable.

Unfortunately clients are fickle. I have enough work to take my pick and it sounds like you do to, so wear what you like but I think this is a case where clients do get to have an opinion. Even if their opinion is wrong.

You sound like you dress very professionally... his comments are inappropriate.

Based on what op has said she does for a living, she could wear a unitard and snorkel and, if she’s effective, be worth her weight in gold and not be fired. Tony is a dick.

PegasusReturns, all of that is irrelevant here because the point is that the OP and Tony were wearing the same shirt.

@IntermittentParps the fact that they were wearing the same shirt is irrelevant.

The point is the client can wear whatever they feel like.

Of course so can the contractor. Provided they are not worried whether they’re retained or not.

the fact that they were wearing the same shirt is irrelevant. The point is the client can wear whatever they feel like
Thing is though, when the OP pointed this out, the client 'blustered'. Suggests very strongly to me that he was talking out of his arse and, when challenged, realised he didn't have a leg to stand on.

@IntermittentParps

the fact that they were wearing the same shirt is irrelevant. The point is the client can wear whatever they feel like Thing is though, when the OP pointed this out, the client 'blustered'. Suggests very strongly to me that he was talking out of his arse and, when challenged, realised he didn't have a leg to stand on.

Cause that's the argument you want to be having with a client.😂

Why wouldn’t he have a leg to stand on? It’s not unreasonable for a client to ask a vendor to uphold certain standards.

Presumably he blustered because he wasn’t expecting the OPs direct response and implicit refusal. A woman’s ability to stand up for herself often confuses men in my experience, causing them to bluster.

I struggle to understand how someone wearing a suit makes them better at doing their job than someone more casually dressed.
Obviously I wouldn't expect someone to come to a meeting in their dressing gown but if they can do their job, what does it matter?
I have a highly intelligent friend who has sensory issues, and just cannot wear the sort of smart suits societal expectations dictate. Doesn't make them any less competent.

Why wouldn’t he have a leg to stand on? It’s not unreasonable for a client to ask a vendor to uphold certain standards.

Presumably he blustered because he wasn’t expecting the OPs direct response and implicit refusal. A woman’s ability to stand up for herself often confuses men in my experience, causing them to bluster.
Yeah, I'm sure that's it