"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

I would wear the shirt you were wearing today for every single meeting with him. Every damn time.

I think this

'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

Was the perfect come back.

I think you should just carry on as you are tbh

I’d follow up with a question about what specifically was ‘casual Friday’ about your outfit.

This. Shit. Is. Exhausting.

I once had a boss tell a colleague that she looked "much better today without all that make-up on". She didn't wear make-up on any day, so that went down really well (even before the intrusive, sexist factor).

Tie. Needs to be a tie

Wavy/curly is often not seen as professional. Bullshit. Sometimes racist bullshit.

I’d want a t-shirt with a pic of Bill Bailey wearing this t-shirt.

@greyhills

You are a freelancer and self-employed. That means he cannot tell you what to wear. It is one of the factors which, according to HMRC, distinguishes between employees and the self-employed.

He can also decide he doesn't want the OP to work for him anymore - so I guess he does get to decide in the end - regardless of how HMRC sees it.

Definitely sexist and racist too.

I'm sure all of mumsnet will cheer if you dispense justice, but we're not going to pay your bills. So from one consultant to another, please tread carefully.

What a knob! I agree you should wear a tie and a big smile to the next meeting.

Definitely wear a tie and take off the jewellery. After all, I'm sure he wasn't wearing any! Wear as close to what a man would wear as possible. Got any glasses? Wear them. Make your point subtly but also subtle as a brick if he's got any self awareness.

There once was a fella named Tony
Acronym for his firm - it was BONY
Said my clothing was lame
Although he wore the same!
Said I, T-Bone - what a pile of baloney!

honestly, if you can, I would drop that client, that comment shows their underlying attitude is a sexist shite. no excuse for that BS.

I think you need to get an employee there on side undercover and text you what shirt Tony’s wearing every day you have teams/webex meeting with him so you can find you’re most identical/matching shirt to wear 😂

Perfect response.

I would go naked for the next workshop. If your clothing isn’t suitable go without.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

You are so awesome OP

Oh now I’m worried that looks like sarcasm

It wasn’t though. I do think you are fantastic for saying that I would have been flustered and only thought of it afterwards.

So perfect that you were wearing the same shirt!

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

Definitely!

He was well cheeky, it's not as if you were in your pyjamas (I probably would have been). It sounds as though you looked quite smart actually. Anyway it was not his place to say that whatever he (wrongly), thought.

Change nothing. The best thing to do with a bully or a prat is ignore them. I think your 'Tony mate...' comment will have made him realise it's not a good idea to challenge you when he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

It's also very amusing.

I'd actually get a T-shirt printed with 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

That’s amazing. Maybe next time wear a tie?
Haha Do this !

@CrocodilesCry

I'd actually get a T-shirt printed with 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

Yes!

I was going to say you’re in the right, but then read that you work in finance. As do I.

You’re still in the right but I think some departments of banking/finance are stuck in the realm of corporate attire.

You should have been upfront and said are you going to change what you wear to these meetings too then as I'm wearing virtually the same as you.