"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

Probably wants you in heels and full make up the prick! FUCK OFF ! I’d be so annoyed

Oh he’s certainly taking a dig at your natural hair texture/lack of makeup too. Essentially he’s saying that you’re not making an effort🙄

I'd do super formal but zero makeup and full curls and see if he'd dare to say a thing.

I would definitely put a tie on. Then you're smarter but you're not doing what he really wants you to do. He won't have a leg to stand on so can't say fuck all.

If he asks again, I’d say “can you outline exactly what you’d like me to do and pop it on an email”.

Can he easily find a replacement consultant?

It is curly hair and no makeup. It is racist and sexist, and you are in a precarious position. I don’t have any advice, but I am sending solidarity.
And I loved your response.

It might also be that he wants you to wear skirts. Boak.

Is this client Pierpoint & Co, by any chance?

Slightly missing the point but this thread is so depressing. I keep hoping that one day I can think of something fantastic to do so I can work fit myself so I don't need to out up with this sort of bullshit. But apparently there's no fucking escaping it.

I really hope he did not mean it was because the OPs hair was curly and she wore no make up. FFS seriously?

You sound very smart by the way.

I nearly went on a zoom meeting today with my hair in a towel. I decided against it at the last minute. Thought that might be taking the wfh "dress code" a bit far.

"Tony" would have been horrified.

@CrocodilesCry

I'd actually get a T-shirt printed with 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

Yes this!!!

Absolutely astonished he had the gall to say that, he must have noticed you were in identical shirts during the 2 hours!?!?

I second the wear a tie next time.

Poor Tony. Clearly you have confused him by wearing the same shirt. He's obviously upset that you look better in it than he does.

It's ok Tony, you can wear "the shirt" at the next call, @Wroxie will wear something different.

Dress codes and 'Professionalism' are such bullshit...look the part and be corrupt incompetent sexist bullying lazy and drive your business to extinction as long as you have a suit on ...I think because I'm getting olderI have a mental photobank of people in smart clothes who have done terrible things . ..rant over

It's not about your clothes. He wants you to wear make up and have girly blow dried hair.

I had this shit in my first ever job after graduating. Unfortunately, as a naive 21 year old who was desperate to show willing, I bowed to all of the ridiculous demands. I hugely regret this now.

Absolutely nothing wrong with women wearing make up and having a blow out when they're work, but it's a fucking choice. It is ALWAYS A CHOICE. You shouldn't be subjected to a different set of standards because of your genitals.

He’s undoubtedly a knob but deciphering his comment and given industry leads me to think that he’d like to see you in a formal dark, plain shirt/blouse, or dress, and dark jacket, and make-up. i.e. lipstick.

Obviously, he forgot that he himself was dressed casually.

He’s probably one of these men who think women are for decoration.

Use one of those beautifying apps. My sister uses one when we zoom and she looks so glam!
Missing the point somewhat.

I think you should prank him and purposely do your makeup badly. Think sharpie brows, obvious contour (ie non-blended streaks of bronzer, overdrawn lips or a lot of blusher

I got called into partners office (female) for wearing similar to what OP describes in a professional firm. They thought too casual. So it is a thing. Can't offer much guidance apart from suit up.

reverse this deliberately
go for the most elaborate ethnic headwear you can think of

@k1233

I got called into partners office (female) for wearing similar to what OP describes in a professional firm. They thought too casual. So it is a thing. Can't offer much guidance apart from suit up.

What did they want instead?

It's the hair.
I've been told my hair is unprofessional.
Mixed race women don't look professional apparently.

@DameCelia

It's the hair. I've been told my hair is unprofessional. Mixed race women don't look professional apparently.

How did you respond?

this?

Brilliant response OP.

I think Tony's blustering probably suggests that you won this one, hands down.

Bloody irritating beyond belief though.