"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

I got called into partners office (female) for wearing similar to what OP describes in a professional firm. They thought too casual. So it is a thing. Can't offer much guidance apart from suit up

I’d agree with you, except the person doing the pulling up was wearing exactly the same.

If a blue shirt with no tie is “professional” enough for him, then it is professional enough for her. If she needs to “suit up”, then so does she...

Totally out of order, back to the seventies.

That bloody Dyson straightening tongs ad sums up attitudes to textured hair so perfectly. A woman with the sort of highly defined curls that require care and a ton of product to achieve turning them into some vague photoshopped waves which are apparently so much better.

Oooh that'd well annoy me!!
Beautiful comeback though lol 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

Not sure if anyone else has said this but you could potentially still bring a claim because discrimination rights in relation to work extend beyond employees. Also in their sector they probably have an ethics/equality policy that may apply to contractors as well as employees. It’s very unfair if employers judge natural Afro or curly hair as intrinsically less smart than straight/blow dried hair. That said, as a freelancer it can be hard to assert your rights when you are dependent on the client for work or recommendations for other work.

If a blue shirt with no tie is “professional” enough for him, then it is professional enough for her

Exactly

I think you put him in his place well by pointing out the shirt. He probably won't bring it up again. He sounds very rude with his 'casual Friday' comment when it isn't the case.

I can only think it's either a) a bit racist and/or b) they mean makeup. Either way, not ok. xx

@byebyeboyee

Fuck the patriarch shirt

Please wear this.

I’m not mixed race but have thick dark curly hair. I have had comments before(mostly whilst working customer facing roles during uni) that it didn’t look professional.

Sounds like I do the same as you and mostly wear it in a neat high bun, but people see it as unprofessional because it’s not straight. Drives me insane. I’m not going to damage my very healthy hair by straightening it just to please others.

Interestingly 90% of these comments have come from male managers.

Nirvana for sure

As a former boss, I'm appalled by the number of PPs who have copped the criticism of "unprofessional" for their naturally curly hair. This is racist and sexist. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this nonsense, PPs and OP.
Meanwhile, I love the idea of a Nirvana T accessorised with oodles of nanna pearls for a delaightful piss-take. As the band said, "Come as you are.''

Tony sounds like a t*sser. Put your rate up!

There are some great suggestions on this thread. I think your next big project should be to cultivate a range of outfits including top hat and monocle, full drag, “Tony mate” t-shirts etc. Maybe change subtly each meeting so over time you get to use each outfit. By the end you could be in a unicorn onesie or something.

I'd be sorely tempted to dress like Kat Slater in the next call, leopard print, lots of shiny red lippy,Pat Butcher earrings etc, but he's probably got no taste & will compliment you. How you are dresed sounds perfectly fine to me. Tidy, smart, discreet jewellery. He's a sexist arse. Contractors are supposed to adhere to Company dress codes where they work but your attire sounds within all the dress codes I had to observe when contracting.

Next meeting it’s a Suit jacket and tie.
He did say office attire not full face make up.

I once told my boss I’d wear high heels when he did and suggested it would be a health and safety risk up and down the steep stairs from my mezzanine office space.

I also once worked in an company who’s owner used to make people redundant/fired if he saw them wearing jeans in the office.
It was an advertising agency so really weird Compared to the others I worked in who tried sooo hard to be cool.

DameCelia

It's the hair.
I've been told my hair is unprofessional.
Mixed race women don't look professional apparently.

How did you respond?

@AcornAutumn when I was younger by putting it in a tight bun. As I got older by politely asking if they thought that because I'm Afro Caribbean (everyone always assumed I am Italian/Spanish), that brings on a full reverse ferret.
Even in the last twenty years I've been told I look 'wild and woolly' or asked if I have 'a touch of the tar brush'

Oh and I've found that I have to be veeeeery polite if I challenge, otherwise the whole "angry 'insert ethnic minority here' woman" bollocks comes into play.

You need to apologise for not wearing make up, and then draw a moustache and goatee on with your best eyeliner.

I like the polite email a PP suggested. I don't think there's a non sexist/racist way he can mention hair or make up then.

I'm sorry for the people who have had comments about their hair. I have big curly hair I wear down all the time and I get nothing but compliments (I'm white). It's just double standards. :(

Oh and I've found that I have to be veeeeery polite if I challenge, otherwise the whole "angry 'insert ethnic minority here' woman" bollocks comes into play

I find refining “hyper politeness” into “almost sarcasm” is an underappreciated art and very effective.

But he has felt the need to mention you were dressed casually so be honest with yourself, do you need to smarten up a bit to reflect the professional environment you are interacting with and representing?

What part of 'wearing the same shirt' are you not understanding?
How is he smart enough but she isn't?

I'd send that polite email saying 'Just following up on the mention of dress the other day; can you send me the company's dress code policy? Thanks! you twat'

Maybe he was just so mortified you turned up wearing the same thing he's politely telling you to stop stealing his aesthetic!

@DameCelia

DameCelia

It's the hair.
I've been told my hair is unprofessional.
Mixed race women don't look professional apparently.

How did you respond?

@AcornAutumn when I was younger by putting it in a tight bun. As I got older by politely asking if they thought that because I'm Afro Caribbean (everyone always assumed I am Italian/Spanish), that brings on a full reverse ferret.
Even in the last twenty years I've been told I look 'wild and woolly' or asked if I have 'a touch of the tar brush'

😱😱😱

I’m very lucky this hasn’t happened to me

In my 20s I did have one woman boss ask me to put concealer on my eye shadows, but that was a full makeup office. I didn’t work there long.

A friend of mine is a BBC News correspondent with very curly hair. She is of mixed Hungarian Jewish and British descent.The BBC insist she iron it flat, which costs her a fortune.

At what point did curly hair become ‘unprofessional’?

I'm white with red, curly hair and when I was in my 20s I was told to make my hair look professional by a female HR manager. He's not being racist (nice reach by some PPs), more like curlist.