"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

Full top hat and tails. Maybe a monocle.

What a tit! Your comeback was perfect and if you were ‘casual Friday’ (cringed at that btw) so was he so he can back off making comments on how you dress.

Arsehole.

Pft. When I'm on a video call I throw on a hoodie so they can't tell I'm still in PJs. Tell him to bugger off.

100% wear a tie on the next one.

You should do the face swap app as a filter and swap your face with his

How can this sort of sexist shite still be rife in the workplace? What a prize twat!

I want to comment .. but just GAAAH. Why are women scrutinised like this???

I had same OP about 20 years ago, we were told to be more professional and smarten ourselves up. Fair comment for some maybe but my clothes were always very office appropriate but I didn't wear much makeup. I didn't want to, I was mid-20s, fit, healthy and glowing in the way only youth can. Nevertheless it was directly 'suggested' to me, that maybe I could pop to Boots no7 counter over the weekend. I was a relatively quiet thing then. I was fucking outraged. STILL brought up by friends (former colleagues) today, my absolute knee jerk outrage and indignation and they still quote the line i screeched, "oh just piss off, is my face not good enough for you? Do you even HAVE mirrors at home". Still can't believe I just ripped into the silly cow and her stupid snivelling sidekick. It makes me laugh, now and gives me a warm glow.

It was never raised again, funnily.

“Tony mate” - I’m now envisaging you as a rather more attractive, well-presented Martin Clunes from Men Behaving Badly days.

Change nothing about your dress and I second writing the well-worded email from a PP clarifying their (ridiculous) dress code

You need the mug I'm currently drinking out of

It’s hard being a freelancer. He’s a jerk, but you don’t want to lose the business. We are all with you , but I don’t want you to lose half your business!

'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt'

So, so British. I LOVE it

Its so obviously about make up. Sexist wanker.

I would suggest you ask him what lip colour he uses so you dont clash..... you sound very intelligent and able so you can call him out on this without risking losing the client if you are careful.

Meant to say, but that was 20 years ago and was raised by a woman (not that it makes it ok). Fact that a bloke raised it in 2020?? Knobhead.

I'm with the "wear a tie" suggestion.

You're then responding positively to his criticism, and he's got nothing, and yet you're not doing what he wants really, (which is probably make-up).

I love your response 😅
Definitely wear exactly the same next time, but with a tie. Maybe even a bow tie!

I salute you for your perfect riposte

May I suggest subtle necklace

You are a freelancer and self-employed. That means he cannot tell you what to wear. It is one of the factors which, according to HMRC, distinguishes between employees and the self-employed.

I’d be inclined to go with @WattleOn suggestion.

Doesn’t even have to be formal, next debrief say you’ve been thinking about what he said and for the life of you can’t figure out what he meant, especially as your clothes were the same as his so can’t be classed as too casual by his own standards.

Please wear a tie next time. 🙏😄

Unfortunately I think that ShitOnIt00 is right and it's probably your hair. For some people only straightened hair is professional. I can't believe shit like this is still going on.

What he basically is saying is that you should comply with his sexist and racist interpretation of what ‘presentable’ means for women. ‘Sleek’ hair which has been ironed/blow-dried/curled, not naturally wavey or kinky or curly or otherwise textured. ‘Made up’ make up, not no make up and not quirky make up and not natural make up. I bet he would prefer you to wear heels not brogues.

Depending on your relationship with the company and whether you can risk it, could you consider an email to follow up and pick him up on it? It could be polite and set out to seek clarification, but worded carefully could also put him on notice that you’re onto him and his bullshit.

@MythicalBiologicalFennel

Unfortunately I think that ShitOnIt00 is right and it's probably your hair. For some people only straightened hair is professional. I can't believe shit like this is still going on.

And that is exactly why I mentioned ‘black women’ in my suggested letter.

Could he see your feet? Was it also the lack of heels?

Idiot.

I think you handled it well with your comments to him. Given your situation you couldn’t have said a lot more or different.

If by coincidence you are wearing similar clothes to each other, next time you meet, a comment noting the similarity might be nice?