To not let my 16 year old have his phone in his room at night?

[Hyperbolistic]

Just discovered my DS has been hiding an old phone in his room to use after we've taken his phone at bedtime. We've taken it away now but he's not happy and claims his friends have theirs. I feel a bit torn as obviously he's 16 and not a baby, but I also want him to get enough sleep. AIBU to not let him have it?

Mine started college now but when he was year 11 and doing mocks etc the phone went to charge on the landing at 10.30, no exceptions unless weekend/school hols.

None of my dc's are allowed phones in bedrooms at night. Eldest is 17. It has been the rule for many years and they don't question it now. Phones/Ipads stay downstairs and are put on to charge.

No phones in bedrooms here either - DCs are 17 and 13. They used to tell me that all their friends have theirs, but have given up now and accepted the rule in this house.

Up until lockdown, I was really firm on no phones at bedtime. As mine were year 11 and there was no school work, I couldn’t really justify the rules anymore.

I’m wrestling a bit with whether to bring it back. So far, it seems to be going ok, everyone is up and out the door on time. I don’t like it though. My other option is to turn the router off overnight, but mine use Alexa as an alarm which won’t work without WiFi.

It’s a tricky one.

I think by 16, the focus should be on encouraging self regulation rather than control. He will be an adult in 2 years, so he needs to be able to manage stuff for himself.

If he stays up late chatting to his friends one night, he will be tired the next day. That's how they learn.

It would be different if he was younger, but by this age, I think you have to start letting them take a bit of responsibility for their own behaviour.

Same here DCs14 & 18

I would say you are being unreasonable unless you think he's literally staying up all night on it and it's effecting him during the day

We let ours have them in their rooms from about 14 years onwards and they were actually very good at self control and regulating themselves and there have never been any issues.

I think its a bit controlling to still be taking it at 16. In 2 years he might be off to uni!!

How badly is affecting him? Surely you can't regulate a 16 yr old's sleep, he has to take responsibility himself....

I left home at 16, and was working independently and paying rent on a flat...

I take my 14yr olds at 10pm but my son age 16 is at sixth form and seems to be self regulating. He had to be given a chance.

I'm shocked people do this with 17yr olds though?

@Freshprincess there's an app you can use to allow some devices on the wifi and cut off others. Alexa stays on. The phones are cut off.

I have always been very strict about this, no devices, TV in bedroom.

But he is 16 now, at college, has a weekend job, He needs to start learning how to regulate his own usage. He is having a TV for his room for Christmas.

Hmm, I think at 16 he should be trusted to self regulate. My 15yo uses hers to listen to music, read and alarm clock. She is always up on time and not tired. My 12yo leaves his downstairs - I know his friends whatapp till early hours. He isn't bothered, but I'll let him make his own decision at 15.

MY dc’s are 11 & 15, they aren’t allowed their phones in their bedrooms overnight, never have, they claim all their friends are. While they are at school it will stay that way (exception for sleepovers during school holidays).

God...mine has a job and goes to college as of January. I see her as a young woman and wouldn't dream of doing such a thing! She's always asleep by 10.30 anyway!

He is 16 years old, Yabu, seriously!

Perhaps encourage him to download something like usage app to self regulate? Give him a week and two and if still tired then phone goes downstairs

I agree about the self regulating and in fairness he only seems tired on the odd day ( I think he's had the phone for a while now). He's exercising most days and did well in his last lot of tests at school....

He's 16, not 6.
YABU.

I personally think he is old enough to self regulate, If he doesn’t get enough sleep that’s his problem to sort at 16... I find confiscating phone at aged 16 very controlling. But it’s your choice, he will be at university in 2 years what you going to do then ?

I do not have my own phone upstairs, everyone else in family do, I wish they didn’t but they use it as an alarm etc. I would not ban them though as they are young adults.
They put it on DND overnight.

I think you are unreasonable for a 16 year old, at that age they need to learn to regulate themselves.

Yes I think you are.

I automatically disconnected devices from my WiFi when she was a younger teen at a set time. She also used it for alarm listening to music etc. Im not surprised he has gone behind your back. He is an age he should have a level of automny over his own choices and learn to manage things for himself.

I am actually shocked that people take phones of 17 and 18 year olds.

At this age they starting college can work and learn to drive!

I think it’s very controlling behaviour and not healthy to treat a near adult like this.

Thanks for the reality check! We are mainly pretty laid back and we do have a very good relationship with DS which is hate to jeopardise.