To not let my 16 year old have his phone in his room at night?

[Hyperbolistic]

Just discovered my DS has been hiding an old phone in his room to use after we've taken his phone at bedtime. We've taken it away now but he's not happy and claims his friends have theirs. I feel a bit torn as obviously he's 16 and not a baby, but I also want him to get enough sleep. AIBU to not let him have it?

Some people seem very invested in 16yr olds having tech in their rooms overnight. It’s not actually a basic need!

DD1 is very nearly 16 and doesn't have her phone in her room overnight, nor does any other member of our household. She's in Y11 and is worrying enough about her own exams without feeling she has a responsibility to respond to friends' messages of woe and/or drama. Once she's finished Y11, I'd still prefer her phone was out of her room overnight, or at least switched off, because I know she doesn't switch off if her phone can be reached from bed but I can't see DH or me reminding her to put her phone outside by then. She's aware that she is a lot more productive when she doesn't go on her phone before getting work done so I'm hoping that sort of awareness will continue... at least sometimes!

I get what you're saying, Goosefoot, but I would not leap to the assumption that my child will become addicted to the internet simply because she has access to her phone, any more than I believe that she will become addicted to alcohol simply because my drinks cabinet is unlocked. I have been working with her from an early age to help her develop good judgement, good self regulation strategies, good self care habits etc. I hope and believe that the sense of responsibility for her own wellbeing that she has developed to date will help her to make good choices going forward, because much as I might want to protect her, I won't be able to control her life forever.

That's not to say that she won't make mistakes. Of course, she could get addicted to the internet or whatever, and if I had concerns, I would be taking proactive steps to address those with her. However, I'd far rather that she learned to self-regulate now, while I am around to monitor her progress, offer her guidance and pick up on any concerns, rather than leaving her to manage it entirely by herself all of a sudden when she goes off to university.

We let our teenagers have their phones in their rooms but they have been set up so that there is no internet access during certain times!

allNoToMisogyny

I am not "invested" in allowing my 16 year old a phone in her room but I allow it because she and her friends do message a lot. They support one another constantly. Why would I not allow this? My child is independent almost...she earns her own money and is almost a woman.

at 16 I would assume I would not be that into contolling my son by then, I guess if he stayed up all night I would have to say something due to being about to concentrate at school so yes I guess I would comment on late nights but not the phone itself.

He is 13 now and has a phone but only uses it for games during the day so not sure if he will be bothered with it by then (or not)

I'm not at all invested in dd having a phone in her room, but I'm very invested in helping her to learn how to make sensible choices for herself instead of relying on me to do it for her.

I think it’s too controlling. At 16 if your child wants to stay up late on the phone so be it! They will soon learn!

I have allowed dd to have her phone at night since she turned 16, on the condition she wasn’t up late using it, which she complied with. Not so much now she’s 18! But she likes her sleep so she knows when to stop. Ds1(16) never uses his phone anyway, and ds2 is 14 and I remove all devices at night, he’d be on them all night if he could!

He's 16! I think he needs to be regulating his own behaviour now really.

Meh - I never enforced removing phones from their rooms. Yes there was a period when they were on their phones late a night - but having to get up early for school and college and feeling knackered and sleep deprived soon ended that - they policed their own behaviour. We talked it out and they determined to enforce their own phones off curfew. Consent works better with mine than diktat - but all dc are different I suppose

Ds (16) got stellar GCSEs and dd (18) did well at both GCSE and A levels

@Blossomhill4

I think it’s too controlling. At 16 if your child wants to stay up late on the phone so be it! They will soon learn!

The problem is that some don't learn, or they might learn but the addictive nature of it means that they can't stop when they should. As a responsible parent it'a my job to make them stop i.e. insist that the phone is put away at night.

There is too much at stake for me to just say "they'll learn from their mistakes".