To not let my 16 year old have his phone in his room at night?

[Hyperbolistic]

Just discovered my DS has been hiding an old phone in his room to use after we've taken his phone at bedtime. We've taken it away now but he's not happy and claims his friends have theirs. I feel a bit torn as obviously he's 16 and not a baby, but I also want him to get enough sleep. AIBU to not let him have it?

My DS is 16, we let go of firm no phone rule during lockdown, he's got phone and ps in his room, when he's sleepy, he sleeps, no matter who is on. But his school is closed due to lockdown now, so things are a bit different again.

I believe quality sleep is very important for children, especially as they are growing.

Ours are kept downstairs and there isn't any issue as it has always been the rule.

Teachers would usually notice children being particularly tired.

5 years ago a friend of mine met her son's teacher at age 12, and she mentioned he seemed very tired at school.

Her suspicions were confirmed when she found an extra phone tucked into his mattress.
He was texting at 1am, no wonder he was wrecked.

I remember being slightly impressed with his deviousness!

Why are people comparing bed times for a young teenager to taking phones away from 17 year olds? That’s quite bizarre in an attempt to win an argument.

I feel quite content with my parenting and and how my dc have turned out (I have a few). I don’t feel the need to knock other people’s parenting because I am quite secure about that. Other than to answer the op with her original question.

Yes, take it off him and unplug the internet as you go to bed.

YANBU if he'll comply and accepts he needs adult support with setting limits.

My DS physically stopped me from taking his phone when he was 14.I took it a couple of times and he followed me out of the room in a rage and pinned me against the wall and grabbed my arms roughly, and as a single parent without back-up, and as he was already strong and over 6 foot tall back then, there wasn't much I could do apart from accept the situation.

Yeah, expectations is the word.

Be kind
Work hard
Be polite.

Covers everything really.

@Hyperbolistic at 16 I would let him if he is able to keep up grades and get up easily in morning
If he has a girfriend/boyfriend teenagers like to facetime each other at night

I assume he’s doing GCSE’s , so yes.

My 15 yr old is not allowed phone at night. It is extremely easy to lie in bed watching late films and responding to texts. They need to get their rest and constant screen time really prevents this.

Also going to bed without phone encourages reading time. I can guarantee that if my son took his phone to bed he would watch a film and not read.

'For those of you who seem to find it draconian to have a no phones in the bedroom rule for teenagers or who don't intervene until there is a problem- do you have any rules at all?'

Well yes but I'd no sooner sit a 16yr old on the naughty step than I would confiscate items.

Rules and parenting evolve as they get older. You must change too or do you still have sticker charts and potty prizes for teenagers?!

If you've parented successfully you come to rely on trust not removing their things.

It depends.
My ds is just 16 but has ASD and is on Melatonin.
Despite this, he fights me, really hard to have his phone overnight. The answer is NO as he cannot sleep or get up the next day (hence the meds). It also allowed social bullying to follow him into his bedroom and led to an overdose attempt earlier this summer.

But he has a friend, same age. No 'issues' and no bullying.
Parents won't let him have a phone after 6pm. No internet after 8pm.
Lives rurally, if he wants to visit my ds, his best friend, he has to cycle 8 miles. He gets to go to the sweet shop once a week on a Saturday. They are very religious. THAT is too much I think.

I know another girl whose parents took her phone off her aged 16 as her behaviour / attitude around the house was so poor. SS got involved and they insisted that her parents restored the phone as they said it was cruel to isolate her from friends.

It's so hard to judge without knowing the child or the circs.
But in general I think phones / SM place huge pressure on kids.

@Vargas

MeringueCloud - I have noticed on MN there is rather a large subsection of parents who have no rules for children from quite a young age. I have never actually met any of these people in RL .

Oh I have. Once this child didn't want to leave a party and get into the car to go home .So they sat on the grass next to the car for about three hours until the child decided to get into the car.

Mine are 18,16 and 14. I can't tell an 18 year old what to do , she's an adult. My 16 dd is a total Princess and goes to bed with an eye mask on listening to whale song or a ticking clock on her earphones. My 14 year old son has an original Nokia 6310i , which he thinks is totally cool. I guess he can text somebody !.

YABU...

Jeez. Do some of you not trust your nearly adult DC to take responsibility for themselves and know when they’re tired and need to go to sleep?!!

At 16 I prefer to allow them to learn to self regulate
I wouldn't try to control a 16/17 yr old like this

'Do some of you not trust your nearly adult DC to take responsibility for themselves and know when they’re tired and need to go to sleep?!!'

These are the mils of the future. Wiping noses and confiscating phones at 16 today, letting themselves into their ds family's homes in years to come to hoover and iron. Uninvited .

Boundaries mummies please!

I’m wondering how many of the “YABU” voters have/had a 16 year old..

16, 17 and 18 year olds not allowed phones in their rooms at night. We have seventeen year old apprentices at work who drive cars, to think of them being treated like this would be totally bizarre

Your children are going to grow up whether you like it or not. Stop treating them like toddlers. This is embarrassing

Just out of interest, do all the parents of the 16 plus children who can't have their phone in their room at night have an app on your phone to track your child's every move?

I cannot believe that parents police 16 year olds in this way. How are you going to cope in two years when they are legally adults and can do as they please? More to the point how are your kids ever going to grow up with their parents behaving like this?

So he can legally get married with parental consent but you regulate his phone use.

Odd to me

So if your 16 year old wont/cant self regulate and will be online until 5am, be too tired to learn, be too tired to just deal with anything well, what do you do?

@Tinythumbelina

Same here DCs14 & 18

18!!

Can you give him a chance to prove himself?