To not let my 16 year old have his phone in his room at night?

[Hyperbolistic]

Just discovered my DS has been hiding an old phone in his room to use after we've taken his phone at bedtime. We've taken it away now but he's not happy and claims his friends have theirs. I feel a bit torn as obviously he's 16 and not a baby, but I also want him to get enough sleep. AIBU to not let him have it?

The fact he has a secret phone surely tells you the trust he has to talk to you about stuff has gone. Let him have his phone and be open about it.

Let him have his phone. If he struggles to get up the next day it's his problem.
In the last lockdown I srarted letting my 14 year old keep her phone overnight on the understanding that if she didn't get up in the morning she'd loose the phone overnight.
She gets up in the morning always at school on time so I'm not worried.
It sounds like he's already self regulating so I'd let him keep it. On the other hand I wouldn't be happy about him sneakily using another phone.

@Skyr2

I personally think he is old enough to self regulate, If he doesn’t get enough sleep that’s his problem to sort at 16... I find confiscating phone at aged 16 very controlling. But it’s your choice, he will be at university in 2 years what you going to do then ?

I do not have my own phone upstairs, everyone else in family do, I wish they didn’t but they use it as an alarm etc. I would not ban them though as they are young adults.
They put it on DND overnight.

This

So the ones that say the 17yr olds do it out of habit. Would they actbe allowed if they did have it in room all night?

Love all the posts about him self-regulating. Hiding a secret phone is hardly that, is it?

Anyway, my view is that some 16 year olds were 15 yesterday and others are 17 tomorrow. A young 16, I’d have a rule. An old 16, I might not. It depends on the child.

'Love all the posts about him self-regulating. Hiding a secret phone is hardly that, is it?'

Yes that's the point. You confiscate things they get sneaky and lie, as demonstrated. Obviously we have to put a foot down with things like alcohol and drugs at that age but removing phones at bedtime is what you do with a young teen not a 16year old.

Love all the posts about him self-regulating. Hiding a secret phone is hardly that, is it?

No, but that's what happens when you treat teenagers as if they are incapable of making sound judgements - they behave in exactly the way that you expect them to.

Loads of teenagers hide stuff from their parents because of bonkers rules that are far too strict - my dd often tells me about stuff like this involving her friends. Personally, I'd far rather have a sensible dialogue about why it's important to make certain choices, and then let the dc try to make their own decisions.

Children generally live up to their parents' expectations. Expect stupid, irresponsible behaviour and you'll probably get it. However, there is a tremendous power in respecting your child's judgement and trusting them to make the right choices, because they generally want to demonstrate that they are worthy of that trust.

Yes that's the point. You confiscate things they get sneaky and lie, as demonstrated.

Or, they are unable to self-regulate, so they get sneaky and lie.

Once they've left school they need to learn control and responsibility so should be encouraged to make the decision for themselves.

I had my phone in bed at 16, I wouldn't have been very happy if my mum told me I couldn't. I think it's massively over the top, when do they learn to regulate? You can leave home at 16 or join the army granted few do leave home at 16, but lots go to uni at 18 and if you never loosen the reins adjusting to living on your own and regulating because you're suddenly in charge of your own life will be a bit odd.

16 is too old to be doing this. And 17/18!!!! They will be going to uni - what are they going to do leave it on the shared accommodation landing at night.

My 16 year old is in year 11. Phone stays downstairs at night unless it's the weekends/holidays. It will be this way until after he's done his GCSEs as he's not good at self regulating and will stay up till 1am!

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'Yes so teaching them that it's a good idea not to use their phone at night is parenting.'

Yes it's the 'not letting him have it in his room' that I was referring to. I'm all for teaching and guiding.

Sure, but why would he have it in his room if he's not going to use it? He might as well leave it where his parents leave theirs.

Mobile phones have become far too important and dominating in many people's lives. You really do not need to have it at arms reach at all times.

He's 16. Not 6. Let him have his phone.

If he isn't mature enough to know that he needs uninterrupted sleep and to regulate his own usage then he isn't old enough to have the phone in his room overnight.

If he needs to resort to the 'but everyone else' reason then he really isn't marure enough.

So many of you taking your kids phones away 16/17/18 year olds?! What in the nazi is all that about, I’m 25 and always payed for my own phone out of my Saturday job money, If my mother tried to take it there’d of been hell on!

My Ds is just shy of 16 and there is no phone allowed in his room.

Having said that he has SEN and would literally stay awake until the battery ran out.

Yes Conor you can join the army at 16 and I am not sure what their phone rules are but I am quite sure that they do have plenty of rules in the army that even 16 year olds do have to follow!

Did someone really say their 18 year old dc isn’t allowed a phone at night?!

They are an adult.

Hardly any grown adults are good at self regulation with phones, though, why would a 16 year old do better?

And more seriously, I'm influenced by my cousin, who was horribly bullied in secret on her phone, all night, every night - she attempted suicide and ended up with life-changing injuries in the process.

My kids aren't there yet, but would be really concerned about having the phones around at night.

Mobile phones have become far too important and dominating in many people's lives. You really do not need to have it at arms reach at all times.

I disagree, adults don’t, but teens need to feel included. Removing it from an older term just isolated them from their peers.

What in the nazi...

😂

My lovely niece failed her Alevels after a round of As and Bs on her GCSEs. At 16, after exams, she was allowed to have a computer and phone in her room and stayed up until 3 or 4am most nights. She could not self regulate. Half a dozen years on she's doing great, but it cost her a few years of playing catch-up.

So... depends on the child.

So.... depends on the child.

My ds was addicted to phones and games. Would spend all night on them. Managed to get A levels, degree and 2 MA’s. He’s still the same now.

So, yeah it depends on the child