To not let my 16 year old have his phone in his room at night?

[Hyperbolistic]

Just discovered my DS has been hiding an old phone in his room to use after we've taken his phone at bedtime. We've taken it away now but he's not happy and claims his friends have theirs. I feel a bit torn as obviously he's 16 and not a baby, but I also want him to get enough sleep. AIBU to not let him have it?

My dd has just turned 17, she has two older brothers i have never taken phones away at night but have trusted them to regulate it themselves which i am pretty confident they have done and they have always got up on time in morning.

I am not surprised he has been sneaky with the old phone.

Maybe i am more easy going but my mother was terribly controlling with us as teens.

You take your 16 year old phone away from him at night! YABU!

Can't believe some of you take your 17 and 18 year olds phone off them! That is controlling!!!

@Hyperbolistic

Thanks for the reality check! We are mainly pretty laid back and we do have a very good relationship with DS which is hate to jeopardise.

You sound open to other people’s opinions without getting defensive so I am sure it can be worked out. Sometimes we get carried away with the need to protect our dc at all cost- whatever the age.

When mine got phones, not having them in the bed room was just what we did ie no drama about not being allowed them etc.

As DS1 got older I didn't take it away but he would mostly put it on his desk when he went to bed.

DS2 is too young still (11) for it to be an issue.

I thought you weren't meant to leave devices in to charge overnight (fire risk).

@Hyperbolistic

I agree about the self regulating and in fairness he only seems tired on the odd day ( I think he's had the phone for a while now). He's exercising most days and did well in his last lot of tests at school....

I think you should allow him to have it then, it is hard to make the transition though sometimes from child to adult and the in between bit can be difficult, but he sounds like he can manage it so I think you should give him his freedom with this one

Yabu. Mines 14 and i used to make him charge it in the kitchen overnight, partly over my fears of fire, but since lockdown I’ve let him keep it in his room as he was quite good at getting to bed when he was tired and charges it on safe surface. I turn the WiFi off when i go to bed which in the week is by 11/12 so he wouldn’t be able to stay up all night on it anyway. But at 16/17 yes i think its their responsibility and if they stay up all night they’ll soon Learn not to when they are hanging the next day.

Given that I don't seem to be able to self regulate and get enough sleep I'm sceptical about a teen doing it

He’s 16! YABU. He could literally go and get married but isn’t allowed a phone in his room?

Also shocked at those who say they do this at 18. Not very respectful to an adult IMO.

@makingmiracles

Yabu. Mines 14 and i used to make him charge it in the kitchen overnight, partly over my fears of fire, but since lockdown I’ve let him keep it in his room as he was quite good at getting to bed when he was tired and charges it on safe surface. I turn the WiFi off when i go to bed which in the week is by 11/12 so he wouldn’t be able to stay up all night on it anyway. But at 16/17 yes i think its their responsibility and if they stay up all night they’ll soon Learn not to when they are hanging the next day.

Whats a 'safe surface?

If the charger or phone overheats surely they'll still catch give?

Agree that at 16, he’s too old for this rule.

YANBU you are being bloody sensible.

If I have my way my DD won't have a phone until she's 43 and not in her bedroom until she's married with kids.

Bloody hell @ pp not letting their 18 year old having a phone in the bedroom. They're an adult.

At 16 he's more than capable of monitoring his use himself.

I can't believe someone takes their ADULT child's phone off them! That's absolutely appalling imo.

18 let the adult take some responsibility here they should be able to choose if have phone or not.

I had mine on restricted settings so limited their total amount of screen time until aged 15, including overnight downtime from 10.30pm until 7am. From aged 15 on I increased the daily quota of screen time which meant they still had to ration how much time they spent on favourite apps. They chuck their phones out on the landing now automatically when they switch lights out-can be as late as 1am at weekends but it’s just a habit they’ve got in to.

At 16 they need to start taking responsibility for there actions he stays up all night he goes school tired tuff he won't do it again can't hold there hands and treat them like little kids forever better you teach them responsibility. My 12 year has phone in room he also knows it gets put on shelf till morning at 10pm never had a problem he's learning how to be responsible.

Depends on the child, my DD12 has hers and is great at settling down for sleep at a reasonable time so is my nephew 14 so never been a reason to take them away but my niece 17 she’s always been a nightmare with hers since around 13/14, up till 3/4 talking really loud walking round the house, phone call after phone call talking to loads of others about nonsense, keeps everyone else up in the house school nights/ work days for parents and no matter how much the adults asked her to be quite and thoughtful of others or get off the phone as she has school or talking to her about responsibilities she just kept doing it it would always leads to an adult taking it from her around 3/4 in the morning and then she would kick off for an hour because she had phone removed and be in an awful mood in the morning if she was mine she wouldn’t of been allowed to have it full stop past a certain hour in my home until she could respect everyone else in the house don’t know how my sister coped with her behaviour as-long as she did, but can see why some parents have the no phones after a certain hour rule no matter the age

I take my phone to bed at night as it is my alarm and only phone (no house phone so like to have it close in case of emergencies) but I do have it on do not disturb from 10.30 pm. I was always anti my dc having theirs in their rooms but they like to charge them on their own chargers overnight so at 14 and 12 I let them but they know if I find out they have been on them after I have said goodnight, they will be removed for good.

So it's an element of trust and I think it's good for them. I'm also a no t.v. in bedrooms too as I think sleep is really important.

At 16 you are being very unreasonable.
16 to me is a young adult, not a child and they really won't thank you for it.
They need to find their own feet.
In 2 years they will be off to uni. Will you be taking their phone away then?
They need to learn to survive without you.

I mean to add, the dc also both have do not disturb on when they go to bed so that they don't get disturbed by notifications as clearly other children's parents are not so bothered about what their kids are doing late at night!

Dd is almost 16. She should be old enough and sensible enough to self regulate. I trust her to do that and if she doesn’t then she’s the one who will be too tired at school. She conscientious and gets her home work and revision done, so I’ve got no reason to treat her like a little kid.

YABVU, ge's 16, he needs to make his own decisions about whether he can have his phone in his room.

My DD (12) and DS (nearly 16) give me their phones and aren’t allowed them in their room overnight. My DS does have autism though and I genuinely believe he would be on it in the night if we didn’t take it away. It probably depends on the child but with GCSEs coming up I’m concerned he wouldn’t get enough sleep. Also the phones are in my room and before I switch them off there are loads of messages coming through from their friends well after midnight including the 12 year olds. I think a lot of DCs find it hard to self regulate. My DS hadn’t got the maturity get to be able to do it.

I think your rules need to grow and adjust with them.

I am a secondary teacher. Trust me, the amount of problems that are caused by teenagers having their phones in their rooms at 11pm at night is unreal. I spend my life suggesting to parents they have a curfew on digital devices. So many parents dont want to face the fight, but those that do take the phone and stick to it see a big difference, as do we in school. Take the phone. You are doing the right thing.