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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's being dramatic?

381 replies

DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 19:37

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids' Hmm

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them Hmm etc...

OP posts:
Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 19:37

Light off**

OP posts:
switswooo · 14/11/2020 19:40

YANBU. You asked him not to wake you and he did not respect that. Does he often do that?

I’m sure you didn’t mean that you don’t care about the kids, it was a reaction to being woken after persistent lack of sleep. He sounds tiresome.

pinkyredrose · 14/11/2020 19:41

Is he always so dismissive of you? Ask him why he didn't listen to you.

Newfornow · 14/11/2020 19:43

Personally I think YANBU but stepkids in MN are to be treated properly you know. So you should have got up and baked them fresh biscuits.

FredtheFerret · 14/11/2020 19:43

Does he always ignore your wishes?

He sounds a dick, to be honest. I'm exhausted at the moment and I'd be well pissed off with someone who woke me when I'd finally got off - and when I'd instructed them not to.

Jammydodger1981 · 14/11/2020 19:44

Does he have much time with them alone? I wonder if he was annoyed his live in help was shirking her duties 🙄

MiniCooperLover · 14/11/2020 19:44

He didn't want to parent alone, lazy git. 😳

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 14/11/2020 19:46

I think your rude

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 14/11/2020 19:51

Does he see you as the nanny / entertainment for his children? Yanbu to be annoyed. He tried really hard to force you to do what he wanted you to do, he shouldn't get surprised he would eventually get snapped at.

He is sulking now because he wants you to know that you're never to refuse your nanny duties...

Jenstar123 · 14/11/2020 19:55

YANBU he is being childish.
They are HIS kids who are there to spend time with their Dad, not your responsibility. Would he have come and woken you up to tell you his mates had come round and moan that you don’t like them if you don’t get out of bed and come say hi....I’m wondering if he is use to you entertaining them/cooking for them etc and felt a bit lost or out of his depth on his own?

MzHz · 14/11/2020 19:56

It’s absolutely OK not to care about someone else’s kids.

I’m sure you’re usually perfectly kind and welcoming, but you’re ILL for want of a better way to explain it and he wakes you up? No. That’s not on.

Was it because he wanted you to do the childcare with him?

Serious words should be said. “They are your kids, they’re here to see you and I’m usually fully prepared to pitch in, but in this case I was not to be disturbed. Don’t ever do this to me again.”

june2007 · 14/11/2020 19:57

I think if the children were there then it would have been good if you made an effort to see them,.

Sadhoot · 14/11/2020 20:00

Are you always there as a buffer/maid/cook? Was he panicking about not knowing what to do with them?

What did he have to say for himself for waking you up when you told him you were tired? It's a shocking lack of empathy from him.

Ohalrightthen · 14/11/2020 20:03

So, you told your DH that you don't care about his kids, and now you're pissed off that he thinks you don't care about his kids? That's some first class cognitive dissonance.

He shouldn't have woken you up, but you're going to fuck your sleep even further by going to bed in the afternoon. I'd have held out til 8pm and taken a sleeping pill.

GenevaL · 14/11/2020 20:04

YANBU. There was no reason at all that you needed to be woke up and pretty much summoned when you had clearly said you were extremely tired and desperate for sleep. Your own needs count too!

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 14/11/2020 20:07

@Ohalrightthen

So, you told your DH that you don't care about his kids, and now you're pissed off that he thinks you don't care about his kids? That's some first class cognitive dissonance.

He shouldn't have woken you up, but you're going to fuck your sleep even further by going to bed in the afternoon. I'd have held out til 8pm and taken a sleeping pill.

Beat me to it, exactly what I was thinking.
blackcat86 · 14/11/2020 20:12

Ah I see, he forgot that they are his children. You are not feeling well so even if they are shared DC you would be well within your rights to go for a lie down but they aren't your DC so I don't see why you need stand on parade for a formal hello. Your delivery was a bit shitty but hey your poorly and asked not to be woken. He should have cared about your welfare as much as putting on a show for his DC because he wouldn't just explain that you're ill.

Elvesinquarantine · 14/11/2020 20:14

He should have told his dc you weren't feeling great. He is a rubbish df and dh then?
Bet they haven't had dinner when you go down..

BillMasen · 14/11/2020 20:20

Depends

If you’re usually happy to see them and involved then he was an arse

If it was the latest in a series of excuses and reasons for not spending time with them then he wasn’t

I presume the former but just checking...

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 20:25

@Ohalrightthen

So, you told your DH that you don't care about his kids, and now you're pissed off that he thinks you don't care about his kids? That's some first class cognitive dissonance.

He shouldn't have woken you up, but you're going to fuck your sleep even further by going to bed in the afternoon. I'd have held out til 8pm and taken a sleeping pill.

No, that's not what I said.

I responded to him saying the kids are here with 'i don't care'. I didn't say 'i don't care about your kids'. The two are not the same. In that moment, I didn't care that the kids had arrived.

And yes, usually I am very involved and friendly and we have a good relationship. If it makes any difference, this is the 4th night they've been with us this week so I absolutely have seen them and spent time with them multiple times this week, it is not an EOW arrangement.

OP posts:
Jenstar123 · 14/11/2020 20:25

OP never said she didn’t care about the kids, she didn’t care that they had arrived and did not need to be woken up for it. Two very different things.

WanderlustWitch · 14/11/2020 20:25

I think your reaction was rude tbh.

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 20:26

And I am aware that sleeping in the afternoon can mess up sleep but I've had that little this week I genuinely think I could have slept right through if left alone, and I'd have needed it.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 14/11/2020 20:27

He was a dick. He obviously thinks you aren’t allowed to have needs of your own. And that his requirement that you behave as he wishes at all times comes first. Entitled behaviour.

You need to have a chat about respect and boundaries.

Sexnotgender · 14/11/2020 20:28

He’s being incredibly unreasonable. You specifically asked not to be woken up. Yet he woke you up anyway, does he usually ignore your wishes?

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