To think he's being dramatic?

[DramaInPyjama]

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids'

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them etc...

And surely it would have been better to just have an early night's sleep instead of having a nap in the late afternoon else you are not going to sleep well during the night and it will be a vicious cycle.

Whether the sleep experts on here think OP should have gone for a nap at 4 is completely irrelevant. She’s an adult. She decides her own nap and bedtimes. And it’s done now. Hardly worth berating her.

Why did he feel he needed you there, OP?

Or is this simply based on the misunderstanding of what you meant when you said 'I don't care'?

He was the rude one waking you up.

He shouldn't have woken you up when you specifically asked not to be woken...,however,* when he did, I would have simply said (in a pissed off tone) "I told you not to wake me up and I'm not coming downstairs as I don't feel well."

Saying you don't care was always going to be twisted by him....as he's being unreasonable. If he was reasonable, he wouldn't have woken you up in the first place.

Whether the sleep experts on here think OP should have gone for a nap at 4 is completely irrelevant. She’s an adult. She decides her own nap and bedtimes. And it’s done now. Hardly worth berating her.

The OP said that she cannot sleep at night and she doesn't know why.

Why can so many people not read? OP responded to him saying the kids were there by saying she didn't care (that they were there, because she wanted to sleep). Not that she didn't care about them! If you ask someone if they want a cup of tea and they say no, do you take that to mean that they don't like tea and never want to drink it again?

OP I would book yourself into a hotel for a night - Sunday nights are often cheap, and I know it's lockdown but you could say you were staying for work and avoid contact with others. It's awful to be unable to sleep when you've been struggling with it.

Hi all, sorry had a rubbish few days.

I wasn't asking for people's opinions on whether I should be taking a nap at 4pm. I do not nap in the afternoon often at all and it is not the reason I've been unable to sleep. It was because I've been unable to sleep for the week that I felt I needed to lie down early Saturday evening. Thanks to PP who suggested GP, I've left a message with them.

I can only assume all these posters calling OP "rude" and telling her she should have come up with a polite, eloquent and quick response immediately upon waking from much-needed sleep have never suffered insomnia.

OP, your husband is being a dick. You begged him for a little time to recover and he not only trampled all over it but is punishing you for being pissed off.

YANBU

His kids, his responsibility. Surely they can understand if he explained that you weren’t feeling well and were lying down.

Does he always expect you to be there when his kids arrive so you can roll out the red carpet and bunting?

Saying "I don't care" was an irritable slip of the tongue, open to misinterpretation by him but in reality it should have been very easy to explain to him were he not predisposed to be defensive, he should not still be sulking.

He on the other hand was already being very unreasonable to disregard your need for sleep (especially as you had been near tears with him about it, so he knew how important it was to you) and also to generally have the attitude that you must always be there when his kids are or you don't "want to spend time with them". As you aren't their parent, it shouldn't be a shock to him that you aren't desperate to spend every spare second with them and there should be no guilt tripping as a result. That attitude is incredibly stifling and I would have no time for it.

How was the rest of their time at yours and how’s he been with you since?

Are you the OP that keeps writing because her husband cannot allow her time by herself, expects her to always be there when her stepchildren are there, even if it means sitting in the same room and watching them play video games?

Personally, if you'd had a 2 hr nap by the time they arrived, I do think it was a bit rude not to then get up and see them. But I also think your DH is being belligerent by thinking you saying you don't care that they've arrived, meant you didn't care about them per se.

My friend's (very controlling and pretty abusive) partner is obsessed with her and her children jumping to attention when his kids arrive. She's not allowed out much on the weekend's they are there and her partner dictates what her children are allowed to do when his kids are there too. Its another form of control, using his kids as an excuse to make her jump to his tune.
I'm not saying that's what your partner is doing OP but I thought I'd mention it.

The least you can do is get up when you have visitors in the house, it's pretty unfriendly

Nope he was being a dick and I would have reacted the same as you tbh.

@Macncheeseballs

The least you can do is get up when you have visitors in the house, it's pretty unfriendly

I don't see them as visitors in our house. They live with us half of the week (often more), this was the 4th day they'd been with us last week. They are just the kids, I see them often. I don't see them as visitors where everything has to stop and revolve around them when they come.

It's not the same as say my husband's parents coming to visit who we haven't seen in months.

@Tiktaktoe no, God I'd never sit and watch video games 😂 I'd pull my eyes out with a rusty fork sooner. They do like to game, but it's in their room!

The least you can do is get up when you have visitors in the house, it's pretty unfriendly

Aren't you one of the posters that would normally be furious at the suggestion that SC are guests?

I think I remember your other post, OP.

He's a prick. Too lazy to parent his children and wants you to. Tell him to Piss off.

When you feel crap nobody has the right to police your sleep.
His dc have hardly been scarred for life because you didn't have a red carpet laid out for them.

This thread should be made as a sticky on Step Parenting as a shining example of how a SM can’t win. Ever.

Her H knew she wasn’t up for being the life and soul of the party, she’d spent days not sleeping and had been in tears with exhaustion

HE should have taken the initiative and taken them out for a couple of hours or made them some tea quietly and explained what was what

The other points here are:

They are his kids and are there to see him.

They won’t even have worried that she was asleep

WHY he was so keen to piss her off/wake her/make her the bad guy in all this can only be surmised as he didn’t want to be with his kids, or thought his unpaid nanny needed to be shown up and made to work regardless

Outrageous

At least that!
I think this is less about the step children and more about how he sees you. It would appear from this snapshot that he sees you as another minion. He doesn't care that you were exhausted he was more concerned that he would have to parent by himself.
How is he on a regular basis? Does he often have the kids without you there?

This thread should be made as a sticky on Step Parenting as a shining example of how a SM can’t win. Ever.

Why? Most posters agree with the OP, including myself.

I think I've had it fairly easy going on this thread tbf.

It does make me chuckle though, the whole 'don't you want to see your visitors?! But at the same time don't you dare treat them like visitors'...