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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's being dramatic?

381 replies

DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 19:37

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids' Hmm

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them Hmm etc...

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 14/11/2020 20:31

YANBU for needing to not be disturbed.
YABU for saying you don't care. Something like "say hi for me and sorry I can't come down I'm so tired I feel very ill. You could have said to him he can enjoy some time just with his kids, they need that. Before they even came would have been good.

YABVU to be cross that he thinks you don't care because you told him you don't care.

Nottherealslimshady · 14/11/2020 20:31

You specifically asked him not to wake you. He deliberately woke you. You had every right to be rude.
They're his kids, why do you need to be with them every second.

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 20:35

The reason I think he's being dramatic is because I absolutely did not say I don't care about his kids. He knows full well I do. I said I didn't care that they had arrived as in so what? It's not a reason to wake me up when I asked not to be woken up.

I was literally saying to him last night how exhausted I am, I was nearly in tears. Talking about how I'm falling asleep whilst trying to work, having to nap in my lunch hour etc...

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 14/11/2020 20:38

How long are they staying?

It was inevitable that you'd react badly when being woken up from a much needed sleep. As in- not a carefully phrased 'sorry darling say hello to them for me and I'll make cookies with them tomorrow' 
If this kind of situation happens again, say before you take to yoyr bed -dont wake me up unless there's a fire. I know the kids are coming later, but this time i need to sleep!

MzHz · 14/11/2020 20:40

That’s exactly what I thought you meant

And that’s what he knows you meant but is twisting it to be the victim

I would go ballistic about this, fuck with my sleep and I get very cross!

My oh snores, some nights I get really cross when I can’t sleep because of it, but don’t take it out on him, per se, but there are a few FFS! I need to fucking sleep! Stop bastard snoring/roll over!”

redwinefine · 14/11/2020 20:40

Completely rude and understand why your DH is upset

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 20:41

How long are they staying?

Until tomorrow evening. They were also with us Tues - Thurs.

OP posts:
TwylaSands · 14/11/2020 20:43

Sounds like you need to have a check up at your gp, op.

Your dh was unreasonable.

Do you normally do a lot of the parenting?

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 14/11/2020 20:44

He is being very dramatic

VettiyaIruken · 14/11/2020 20:45

Oh ffs. Tomorrow evening? And he begrudged you a few hours deeply needed sleep?
There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture!

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 20:47

And even more infuriating was the fact I know full well the kids wouldn't have cared at all. If he'd have said I was not feeling great and asleep they'd have likely gone 'k' and carried on with whatever they were doing.

OP posts:
MustardMitt · 14/11/2020 20:50

@Ohalrightthen

So, you told your DH that you don't care about his kids, and now you're pissed off that he thinks you don't care about his kids? That's some first class cognitive dissonance.

He shouldn't have woken you up, but you're going to fuck your sleep even further by going to bed in the afternoon. I'd have held out til 8pm and taken a sleeping pill.

Don’t be disingenuous. It was clear OP meant she didn’t care at that precise moment in time because she felt too ill. Not that she didn’t care about the children at all. You’re doing exactly what her husband is doing!

YANBU OP. I would say the same about my own kids if DH came to wake me to welcome them home from somewhere.

3rdNamechange · 14/11/2020 20:53

@RosieLemonadeAndSugar

I think your rude
*you're rude
S00LA · 14/11/2020 20:54

@Jammydodger1981

Does he have much time with them alone? I wonder if he was annoyed his live in help was shirking her duties 🙄
This. I think you’ve been doing too much for his kids. I’d be going out more /napping / catching up on work emails when they are around. So their dad can have quality time with them alone.
nancybotwinbloom · 14/11/2020 21:04

He's a dick.

I love my step son and my granddaughter but he would not wake me up at that time. Without prior agreement.

We Are both adults.

Anything after 9am is reasonable in our house.

If they stay over well it is what it is but he wouldn't let her up at that time to see me.

Fouroclockonamarblemorning · 14/11/2020 21:09

You were very rude. It’s pointless going to bed at that time. No wonder you’re not sleeping if you’re having a nana nap at 4pm.

You should apologise for being so snappy.

Jenstar123 · 14/11/2020 21:22

Oh yes how very rude of OP to want to go to sleep in her own home and not be rudely woken up just to be told two kids (that are not hers) are downstairs. Some people on here are ridiculous Hmm

Flutter12 · 14/11/2020 21:33

I think you were really rude and acted like a child.

How long have you been together and how often do his kids come around?

He was obviously excited that his kids were there and thought you would be excited too. Could you not have said a quick hello and then gone back to bed or just said I'm really tired I will come and see them later instead of saying you don't care.

Fouroclockonamarblemorning · 14/11/2020 21:35

OP do you mean they came round at 5.30am, after you’d gone to bed at 4pm the previous evening??

I’ve just read @nancybotwinbloom ‘s post and think I may have misunderstood which end of the day you’re talking about.

StrippedFridge · 14/11/2020 21:41

Why did he think it was reasonable to wake you up? Like you say, the kids wouldn't have cared.

By the sounds of it, your actions over a prolonged period show that you do care about his children. Why's he being a lunatic about this one evening?

Are you his babysitter? How often does he take care of them alone?

Whodofthunk · 14/11/2020 21:47

YABU

The only people who don't sound like stroppy kids here are the actual children

nancybotwinbloom · 14/11/2020 21:48

@Fouroclockonamarblemorning no maybe I have. I will have to read read it all again.

nancybotwinbloom · 14/11/2020 21:49

@Nottherealslimshady

No I read it wrong! Sorry

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/11/2020 21:53

What a dick. If he cared that you needed to rest and respected that you’d asked not to be disturbed, the conversation would have been avoided.

Flutter12 · 14/11/2020 22:00

OP do you mean they came round at 5.30am, after you’d gone to bed at 4pm the previous evening??

I read it that OP went to bed at 4pm and they came around at 5:30pm

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