To think he's being dramatic?

[DramaInPyjama]

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids'

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them etc...

@DramaInPyjama If you had called them visitors you'd have been tarred and feathered!

I'm glad you made an appointment with your GP. Aside from your DH being a total dick, your sleep doesn't sound great so definitely worth getting checked!

I'd have got up and welcomed them for an hour or so then explained,excused myself and retired to bed.

Oh my God, the nonsense some posters are spouting in here is astounding! OP has every right to put herself first for once. She was ill with lack of sleep and wanted an early night. She said she felt she could have slept right through til morning had she been allowed to, so it wasn't a nap and isn't the reason she can't sleep. It was an early night because she was exhausted. All the suggested responses are just embarrassing. OP is not Cinderella who needs to keep sweet at all costs. She's a person who has the right to decide that when she feels unwell she goes to bed. Her husband is an absolute arsehole for waking her up. The children live there half the week, they are not seldom-seen guests in her home to be welcomed and waited on for the duration of their stay. I cannot believe people think OP was being unreasonable and her poor husband and his children have been treated badly. OP is not there to do as her husband wishes nor to entertain her step-children when their father is there. Shame on all of you who think she is.

@Flutter12

And surely it would have been better to just have an early night's sleep instead of having a nap in the late afternoon else you are not going to sleep well during the night and it will be a vicious cycle.

Exactly! Who goes for a snooze at tea time.

OP the things I’ve said to my partner when I’ve been that sleep-deprived are close to a million miles worse. Some people need to experience it to know it’s quite a bit more than just needing a nap and not being able to wait until night.

You didn’t say it in an argument, you didn’t even say it sleepy, you said it after someone came and woke you up! Not your not most composed time.

He has the right to feel hurt all of about 3 seconds before he realises what a ridiculous thing he did. I wouldn’t GAF if the second coming of Jesus was happening if it required my own sleep interruption after a week of insomnia.

Who goes for a snooze at tea time

Me, who's been suffering from insomnia all week and was a walking zombie (and wanted to sleep all the way through if possible hence asking not to be woken. So not a nap, just a very early night due to the lack of sleep during the week).

Exactly! Who goes for a snooze at tea time.

People who have suffered from exhaustion without tiredness for a week I’d imagine.

I wouldn’t GAF if the second coming of Jesus was happening

This is what I should have said

He didnt want to parent / make dinner on his own so decided to wake you up, even though you had asked him not to, and then blame you for being upset about his CF behaviour. I doubt this is isolated behaviour. Are you usually expected to do everything for his children while they are in your house?

and thought you would be excited too

I missed this gem. Why would I need to be excited that the children were here? I don't mean that horribly but why would I be? As I've said several times, they spent the majority of the week with us so no I don't feel the need to leap for joy when they walk in the door 😂 how terrible.

In terms of how much I do for them, I'd say we are pretty even. He does do a lot but then I'd say I do too, we are fairly 50:50 with it.

My DP once woke me when I had a migraine (only dark and sleep shift it enough for me to resume normal life, and even then I'm still in a lot of pain) when I'd asked him not to, because his son (my step son) had said he was hungry and wanted his tea.

I do cook every night, however I figured that maybe - just maybe - DP would be capable of throwing together a meal, even if it was only scrambled egg on toast for goodness sake, just for a one off while I was feeling so rubbish.

We had a good conversation about it afterwards and he understood why I said I didn't care if DSS was hungry (so I pretty much said the same thing as you) - because there was another adult in the house who could deal with that, just like your husband was capable of dealing with his kids. I literally couldn't have handled food at that point, I'd have vomited.

I hope by now you've managed to talk to him about it, and explained what you meant.. and that he's stopped being dramatic about it.

You told me to let you sleep, don’t care they have arrived: YANBU

You murder him: 50/50, would have to think that over

Exactly! Who goes for a snooze at tea time.

Plenty of people probably? I did a few times this week, heavily pregnant and trouble sleeping at night. A daytime snooze makes me a mch happier person. Why the judging when people sleep? Surely if they don't need it they just don't go to bed.

Exactly! Who goes for a snooze at tea time.

OP.

Is that really outside the realms of possibility for you?

@Soundbyte

This thread should be made as a sticky on Step Parenting as a shining example of how a SM can’t win. Ever.

Why? Most posters agree with the OP, including myself.

Many have been supportive . Good

But telling op that it was wrong time for a nap, berating her for saying she didn’t care and deliberately being as obtuse as her DH about the kids

Visitor bullshit
Aren’t you excited?

It’s a fucking joke that in this godforsaken year of 2020 that we somehow manage to find it the fault of an insomniac step parent that her h woke her up despite her saying to him that she wasn’t to be disturbed

OP - I feel your pain. I'm also sleeping badly & sometimes go to bed at that time to catch up. If my OH had woken me for no good reason like that, I'd have been fuming.

Oh my god. Some of the shite on here. I'm afraid I'm about to blow some people's minds...
When I'm not well and don't sleep at night, I could have an afternoon nap AND then go on to have a sleep at night. And I could even do it when I'm fine and dandy 😂. The op is obviously knackered and needs it. . just because certain individuals seem to have a problem. Doesn't mean everyone does. Weird.
Yes, op, your DH is completely out of order.

I missed this gem. Why would I need to be excited that the children were here?

I don’t know who would say this.
I have my DC full time as I’m a single parent. I’m excited to see them everyday after school/work and if my DD went away to camp for a couple of nights I’d be even more excited when she came back.

And even as a teacher some of my students drive me mad but I would still pretend to be excited to see them the following lesson.

I'm not a stepmum and I would be pissed off by this. Children aren't magical beings who need to be gazed upon and adored all at every holy opportunity. Sleeping through a visit one time because you're feeling unwell in the context of a normally good relationship is completely acceptable. I also suspect he is not used to parenting alone.

My DP once woke me when I had a migraine (only dark and sleep shift it enough for me to resume normal life, and even then I'm still in a lot of pain) when I'd asked him not to, because his son (my step son) had said he was hungry and wanted his tea.

Oh my god this is absolutely rage inducing!

Couldn't you have just stayed up a bit longer, hung out for a bit and then an early bed time

@Macncheeseballs she said she had been suffering with insomnia for period of days and was exhausted. If she felt as though she could snatch some sleep at that moment, she was absolutely right to do it. If she'd have stayed up, she might have made things worse.

If she could just sleep when she wanted, she wouldn't be suffering insomnia.

I was suggesting staying up an extra hour or so was all

Yes, but my point stands. If you've never experienced insomnia then you won't get it. It's not like normal where simply being tired means you'll sleep. If she was feeling herself going, she was right to listen to her body, not stay up to see children who live with her half the week any way.

she said she had been suffering with insomnia for period of days and was exhausted.

My mum used to have insomnia. Not once in my entire childhood did I come home from school and not see her until the next day because she was asleep.

I’m really surprised how many people would think nothing of going to sleep just before the kids get home knowing they wont see them until the next day.