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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's being dramatic?

381 replies

DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 19:37

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids' Hmm

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them Hmm etc...

OP posts:
Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 18:54

My children don't see both of us every day. I leave for work at 5.45am and sometimes I don't get in til after 8.00pm.

There’s a difference between being out of the house and being in your bedroom all day.

MsJudgemental · 16/11/2020 18:55

YANBU

Lollypop701 · 16/11/2020 18:56

I have a patio that needs extending op! If anyone woke me when I was effectively I’ll and sleeping I would quite happily kill them! Btw The kids are used to seeing or not seeing the various parent people in their lives as they move between houses. One night is not going to break a relationship .... what has dh offered up in his defence?

nosswith · 16/11/2020 18:58

YANBU as you asked and it was a weekend too.

SuperbGorgonzola · 16/11/2020 19:00

She was unwell. She needed to sleep. It's not something she routinely does. He is their father. She is not their mother. He is (or should be) perfectly capable of meeting the needs of his own children and spending quality time with them.

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 19:00

Good for you. I really don't think it's that shocking though that not everyone is bubbling with excitement every time their kids come through the door. Nevermind step parents.

No wonder I have so many students desperate for some attention.

You might not be excited to see them but you could at least pretend to be - they are going to find it hard to show happiness/excitement if they are teens so you shouldn’t base your reactions on their reactions.
As step parents I’d say it is even more important to show how much you care.

OhCaptain · 16/11/2020 19:09

@Flutter12 I'm genuinely concerned that you have students since you seem too thick to understand that the dc did see their parent when they walked through the door, and that OP is not their parent.

Maybe consider a career change.

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 19:11

@OhCaptain

OP has said she is the step parent. Maybe read the OPs post first before commenting.

RegularHumanBartender · 16/11/2020 19:13

No wonder I have so many students desperate for some attention

Oh now you've over-egged it 🤣

Shouldn't you be sat gazing lovingly at the fruit of your loins, rather than quite poorly winding people up on the internet?

OhCaptain · 16/11/2020 19:14

[quote Flutter12]@OhCaptain

OP has said she is the step parent. Maybe read the OPs post first before commenting.[/quote]
Er...yes. Step parent. The children have two parents, neither of whom are @DramaInPyjama.

You banged on and on about how you saw your mother when you came in the door. Well, these children saw their father when they came through the door.

What's the difference? Apart from he has a penis and your mother, I'm assuming, doesn't.

Ohtherewearethen · 16/11/2020 19:15

Oh give over @Flutter12, you're really overdoing it now and just embarrassing yourself.

Anniegetyourgun · 16/11/2020 19:17

OP has already explained she has interacted positively with the stepchildren on several occasions already in the last few days. They're not small; they're quite old enough to understand that sometimes people are ill and need to be left alone for an evening. You're talking as though these were wee toddlers who couldn't understand why Mummy wouldn't cuddle them (now that WOULD be sad, but even then, not the end of the world). If the argument is that EVERY adult should have to pretend to be interested in EVERY child, ALL THE TIME, we'd be bringing up a generation of self-centred horrors. The world doesn't revolve around them and it seems counter-intuitive to pretend that it does.

For context, I have 4 DC and 3 DGC and love them all dearly. Last time I held a poll (er, joking) it seemed they were quite fond of me too. Or were decent enough to fake it, at least. I'll settle for that.

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 19:18

Apart from he has a penis and your mother, I'm assuming, doesn't.

The amount of posters who are anti-men on Mumsnet is ridiculous.

It doesn’t matter what the OP does as long as she’s a female she’ll be right and her DP will be wrong. I see it on the majority of threads.

aSofaNearYou · 16/11/2020 19:18

*I feel so sad that there are kids who come home from school and not see their parents until the next day.

I agree that children need to know that adults need to go to bed early, but as adults we should be able to spare 10 minutes to say hello and explain why we’re going to bed. Not making children feel uncomfortable or worrying.

I wonder how supportive the replies would be if it was the OP’s DP saying he wanted to go to bed at 4pm and not see the SC until the next day.*

If this is your threshold then you must feel sad about an awful lot of things 🤣

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 19:20

Shouldn't you be sat gazing lovingly at the fruit of your loins, rather than quite poorly winding people up on the internet?

I came home from work and spoke to my DC about their day and made their tea. They’re now playing PlayStation while I’m relaxing before I get on with work this evening.

I suppose your DC are at home with you but you've not bothered to acknowledge them yet.

aSofaNearYou · 16/11/2020 19:20

@Flutter12 sparing 10 minutes to say hello makes total sense if you are already up and about to go to bed, but to expect someone to wake up to do it is ridiculous. If OP arrived home late and the SC were already in bed should she wake them to say hello?

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 19:22

If the argument is that EVERY adult should have to pretend to be interested in EVERY child, ALL THE TIME, we'd be bringing up a generation of self-centred horrors.

It’s not all the time though, just 5 or 10mins when they first come in and then go and do what you want.

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 19:25

If OP arrived home late and the SC were already in bed should she wake them to say hello?

No because they would have already been in bed because it was bedtime. The OP went to bed during the afternoon knowing they were coming over soon and knowing that she was planning to spend the entire time in bed.
If it was just a nap then it would be different but she could have stayed awake long enough for a quick hi and bye.

TeaStory · 16/11/2020 19:25

Flutter clearly has no idea what insomnia or broken sleep are like.

Hey Flutter, how about your kids wake you up at 2am tonight? You can be all happy and excited to see them for ten minutes or so, yes?

TeaStory · 16/11/2020 19:27

If it was just a nap then it would be different but she could have stayed awake long enough for a quick hi and bye.

She’s so tired she was CRYING! She was absolutely exhausted and you want her to stay up even longer just for kids who are old enough to understand she’s not well?!

monkeymonkey2010 · 16/11/2020 19:27

They live with us half of the week (often more)

So basically he didn't even want to do a few hours of parenting his own children on his own.
He's got you doing 50/50 like it's your duty......which paves the way for him to use manipulated emotional guilt and blackmail tactics the very second you 'don't do YOUR share'

The childcare is actually none of your responsibility - YOU do HIM favour by sacrificing your own time and energy to his kids.
Even if you were their biological mum you have every right to catch up on sleep whilst he manages the kids on his own.

I'd pull back from doing 50/50 and make him step up more re his own kids......and spend more of your own time on prioritizing your health and wellbeing.

Afterall - if you weren't together he'd have to do ALL the parenting on his own.....

GoJoe2020 · 16/11/2020 19:30

So, you told your DH that you don't care about his kids, and now you're pissed off that he thinks you don't care about his kids? That's some first class cognitive dissonance

Some nice words there, shame you used them wrong. I don't care that your kids are here right now is not the same thing as I don't care about your kids.
Anyone with a reading age of 7 or more could get that.

GlowingOrb · 16/11/2020 19:30

Over the course of my own child’s life there have been several times I have told DH that I just have to go to bed and he takes over 100%. I have done the same for him. This is our own child and neither one of us is remotely wrong for needing to listen to our own bodies and rest.

RegularHumanBartender · 16/11/2020 19:34

I suppose your DC are at home with you but you've not bothered to acknowledge them yet

🤣🤣 stop, you're embarrassing yourself! I have no young kiddiewinkles to a) gaze lovingly at or b) acknowledge, so dont worry about me, I've got all night!

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 19:38

stop, you're embarrassing yourself! I have no young kiddiewinkles to a) gaze lovingly at or b) acknowledge, so dont worry about me, I've got all night!

I can tell.
Being a parent = lack of sleep and time. Even if you’re poorly or tired you’re still expected to be a parent unfortunately.