DH feels belittled by the way I talk

[Whatisthishit]

..because I have a wider vocabulary than he has.

If we are having a debate or disagreement he feels belittled because he doesn't know the meaning of some of the words I use.

AIBU to think that's his problem and I shouldn't change the way I talk?

He's using it as an excuse to shut you down. Unless you're being deliberately sesquipedalian.

That depends on whether you're deliberately using words you know he won't understand to 'win' the argument. If thst's the case, YABU.

If you're just speaking and use a word he doesn't understand and he gets defensive, YANBU.

Have you tried speaking as if you were a thesaurus?
So you say oh Nigel you are so boisterous, exuberant, spirited, I find it awkward, tricky, difficult, to not laugh, chortle, guffaw when you fidget, wriggle, squirm waiting for the bookies office to open.

??

It depends. Some of the best communicators use very plain language elegantly. If you are deliberately throwing in obscure words that could be annoying for him.

However if he just doesn’t know many interesting words and expressions then it could be tedious trying to dumb down for him. Presumably this is a long standing issue?

You could agree to be plain when engaging in an argument.

It's never a deliberate tactic used to win the argument or make myself appear more intelligent than he is, it's just the way I talk.

I've had friends crack jokes in the past, saying I sound 'posh' which couldn't be further from the truth.

@FlibbertyGiblets

Have you tried speaking as if you were a thesaurus? So you say oh Nigel you are so boisterous, exuberant, spirited, I find it awkward, tricky, difficult, to not laugh, chortle, guffaw when you fidget, wriggle, squirm waiting for the bookies office to open.

??

Most definitely not

I would love to hear some of the words or phrases you're using that he doesn't know the meaning of and can't infer from context.

Tell us the words you use that he doesn't understand, that might give us a better idea.

Your opening line makes it clear you think you a better than him so he might have a point

Can you give a few examples of words he objects to? (Or rather, words to which he objects )

My husband uses acronyms and abbreviations in conversation it annoys me so much, I'm hardly likely to understand the language relating to his job/specific interest never mind the shortened form.

I wish he would just say things in simple terms sometimes.

Please give us some examples of the words you are using

@SlippersForFlippers

My husband uses acronyms and abbreviations in conversation it annoys me so much, I'm hardly likely to understand the language relating to his job/specific interest never mind the shortened form.

I wish he would just say things in simple terms sometimes.

He uses acronyms and abbreviations in regular conversation? Have you accidentally married a character from line of duty?

Can you furnish him with a dictionary. But it sounds like there are some differences which may not be worth overcoming. Have you thought about maybe he isn't the one for you? You shouldn't have to dumb down to sooth his ego.

To give some examples of the things he's referring to..

Petulant
Correlation
Ambiguous

Just standard words. Nothing extreme.

The care home I used to work in complained because I wrote in the handover book that one of our clients had defacated in another clients bin that morning. Apparently it was too fancy a word for shitting in a bin and I should have used opened his bowels in the bin ?!? So I would like to know what words your using that are too smart. As the person who said my words were too smart didn't know Paris was in France.

How long have you been together?

I must admit that this is something that I found very important with my husband - I don't have to modify my language around him. I have to do it consciously in most conversations and I couldn't stand to do it at a domestic level.

@rwalker

Your opening line makes it clear you think you a better than him so he might have a point

Not at all, that couldn't be further from the truth.

Its actually quite offensive when you're accused of belittling somebody in a debate for using basic words.

@Whatisthishit

To give some examples of the things he's referring to..

Petulant
Correlation
Ambiguous

Just standard words. Nothing extreme.

These are fairly bog standard words.

How long have you been together? Did you not notice the differences in vocabulary before?

How have you got together, OP? In most relationships (I say most, not all). both partners are of the same intellect.

Is that the same for you?

Perhaps he should try to expand his vocabulary?

I genuinely don't understand why some adults apparently choose not to do this. And frankly if he can't follow a discussion because of his limited vocabulary then he's the one with the problem.

Agree with the PP who said you shouldn't dumb down to soothe his ego.

The words you’ve suggested are very basic and well used, so no YANBU. I was expecting something different.

I don’t understand people who won’t use it as a point of learning. If someone says a word I don’t know, I ask them what it means or to rephrase.

@rwalker

Your opening line makes it clear you think you a better than him so he might have a point

Yeah I thought the same. OP surely you must have come across this before you married him.

Get hima word a day calender for Christmas

We've been together for 3.5 years and this has been a theme throughout.

If we have a disagreement he often fires back with "we can't all be as intelligent as you" or we're not all "intellectuals"

I was a high school drop out and I'm in no way academic. I have a very dull and ordinary job, so not a high flyer either.