DH feels belittled by the way I talk

[Whatisthishit]

..because I have a wider vocabulary than he has.

If we are having a debate or disagreement he feels belittled because he doesn't know the meaning of some of the words I use.

AIBU to think that's his problem and I shouldn't change the way I talk?

@Daphnise

I have the impression, and that is quite permitted, that you do think by spouting words- which you yourself may be using incorrectly, by the way-you are trying to steamroller him.

Basic communication does not need abstruse words, or your (self appointed) immense vocabulary.

Maybe when he gets more fed up with your condescension, he will get up and go.

Or as you might put it "review the validity of the status quo of the ongoing relationship and determine that its future potential is likely to be unrewarding, thus necessitating a discontinuation in the mutual interest of the participating parties".

You're being redic with your comment.

op gave clear examples if the word she is using they are basic words. Do for you to say she is purposefully belittling her dh just clearly isn't true. But you enjoy yourself, putting somone down to show off your vocab.

OP does he undermine you in other ways? What's the rest of the relationship like?

@Whatisthishit

I'm actually a cleaner.

You couldn't get a less glamorous job if you ask me.

I have no GCSE's or qualifications (he has both)

It just so happens that I love to read and love to educate myself to make up for the lack of formal education.

I'm a cleaner by the way, to give you a clear idea of who I am as a person and what I'm not.

He earns more than me.

Copy and paste fail there ^

See my English isn't as wonderful as he thinks

@pjmask

YANBU. He doesn't know the words correlation or ambiguous?!

Bloody hell do you people live in the real world?! This place is such a middle class bubble it's depressing!

So only middle and upper class people have a good vocabulary? I think your bias is showing. I was bought up on various council estates by my working class parents and somehow managed to learn the meaning of words above 2 syllables. Being an avid reader tends to do that to you. Working class people don't read? It's you who sounds like the snob.

@Plussizejumpsuit

OP does he undermine you in other ways? What's the rest of the relationship like?

He doesn't belittle me in other ways no. The relationship is ok barring some communication issues.

Communication issues being that he doesn't communicate.

My dh does this. Ironically, he's a Cambridge doube first graduate from privileged upbringing, i'm "random university lucky to have got there" stock .

A few times I've wondered if it's a tactic to throw me off my (always winning) argument stride....

He doesn't feel belittled, he feels intimidated. He's being childish and unfair.

@picosandsancerre

Not sure about this one as I know I am not as well educated as he is. He does like to ridicule me and mocks my use of language. This is usually during a debate and then he will detract from the debate by picking me up on a word I used. He knows exactly what I mean but will use this tactic to distract me from the discussion. So for me it isnt about dumbing down as I can hold my own with the DH however he tries to make me look stupid

Your partner sounds absolutely horrible, he's bullying you and you shouldn't be with someone who treats you that way. It's vile.

I find it telling that he was attracted to you for your "intelligence" and is now using it to batter you with.

I don't have any advice for you, OP. I get called "posh" by BIL and SIL so I've adapted by using simple language and not enunciating as much as I usually would. But this is a coping strategy for short periods of time, I couldn't keep it up.

I do tend to win arguments but that's by applying logic, not being condescending.

I think berating me for my choice of words and accusing me of belittling him is a last ditch attempt to get an upper hand.

Some people do use language as a form of cultural violence eg using words that they know the other person won't understand as a way of showing superiority - have to admit I've done that in a work setting with a supercilious boss or two. But there's a difference between that and just enjoying language and using it in a way that makes you happy.

You sound like a Shirley Valentine, OP - why not take some courses at the OU? I think you'd really enjoy them.

@rwalker

Your opening line makes it clear you think you a better than him so he might have a point

Rubbish. It's a statement of fact. Sounds like someone is projecting.

@Daphnise

I have the impression, and that is quite permitted, that you do think by spouting words- which you yourself may be using incorrectly, by the way-you are trying to steamroller him.

Basic communication does not need abstruse words, or your (self appointed) immense vocabulary.

Maybe when he gets more fed up with your condescension, he will get up and go.

Or as you might put it "review the validity of the status quo of the ongoing relationship and determine that its future potential is likely to be unrewarding, thus necessitating a discontinuation in the mutual interest of the participating parties".

This is the weirdest response ever. There's no indication of what you've suggested in OP's posts and you've clearly used it as an excuse to try and sound ever so clever yourself. It hasn't gone well!

Personally if I don't understand a word someone is using I ask them what it means and that way I learn something.

@iklboogeymum

He's using it as an excuse to shut you down. Unless you're being deliberately sesquipedalian.

Are you interested in language OP? I love hearing (and using) new words, when I've found their meaning. I think it's so interesting, and wish I'd studied linguistics.

I am NOT academic, and don't consider myself better than anyone else, but I would only use 'fancy' words in certain company. I'd hate to think someone would feel intimidated.

I think your DH sounds insecure

If you 'tend to win arguments', then what's the problem

@Whatisthishit

To give some examples of the things he's referring to..

Petulant
Correlation
Ambiguous

Just standard words. Nothing extreme.

I don't find those words particularly ambiguous....🤷🏼‍♀️😆

Pretty standard English terms

@Itsallpointless

Are you interested in language OP? I love hearing (and using) new words, when I've found their meaning. I think it's so interesting, and wish I'd studied linguistics.

I am NOT academic, and don't consider myself better than anyone else, but I would only use 'fancy' words in certain company. I'd hate to think someone would feel intimidated.

I think your DH sounds insecure

I'm very interested in language yes

@Daphnise

another poster agressively projecting their own insecurities.

@Macncheeseballs

If you 'tend to win arguments', then what's the problem

As I said I 'win' arguments because he resorts to berating the way I speak, I tend to think when you have to resort to insulting somebody you've lost the argument.

(excuse typo) aggressively, even.

@Whatisthishit By the way OP, I exactly what you mean when you say that others find you posh when you're really not. I live in Harrogate which many people think of as being pretentious and full of snobs. The accent is far more 'posh' than that of the rest of Yorkshire but I'm far, far from posh! I was raised in a working class household (probably could be considered slightly middle class now but definitely wasn't growing up!) but the accent I have, combined with my weird hatred of slang and obsession with using correct words, I come across as slightly posh. It's so annoying!!!

I think this is difficult as these are basic English words used commonly. As such, this means he struggles to understand basic English. It’s not you’re using little known words, you’re just talking normally.

The issue is He simply doesn’t understand basic English. I don’t know how you can get past that to be honest, as the issue is his.

How does he cope day to day? I imagine it must be incredibly difficult for him?

If you are genuinely speaking as you would with most people, to him, then I think it's his issue OP. I think you should embrace your love of language, and continue using your wider vocabulary.

We are certainly not in LTB territory here..how good is he with acronyms