To ask for help in how to help my single friend pregnant with twins aged 50?

[Flamingo1980]

My friend decided to have two double donor eggs implanted in her abroad and she is now 18 weeks pregnant with twins aged 50. She didn’t expect either to implant let alone both so this is a big shock and she’s pretty worried about how she will cope.
I’m trying my best to help out practically and be positive, however I’m also normally quite a realistic person and I would be lying if i said I think it’s not going to be without it’s problems.
I’ve got a seven year old myself so I only know how hard one child is in my 30’s... Can anyone offer any advice as to what needs to happen or what would be useful to say to her or do for her?
Many thanks in advance.

What the hell was she thinking?

Did you mean to post this in AIBU?

Utterly insane, not to mention irresponsible

No words. Amazed this is even allowed

Jesus this is very tricky, I hope she has a lot of support in place. Also that she thinks about their future with her being a much older mum...

Oh my goodness this will be so hard for her. All you can do is offer as much support as you can.

She didn’t expect either to implant let alone both

She went and got implanted with donor eggs and didn’t expect to get pregnant?! How does that actually work.

To be honest she’s made her bed.

I'm afraid I agree, your friend was mad to do this

She might need to get a nanny/childminder in place to help out. Maybe see if any friends can help her out nearer the time.

Two 14 year olds on your own at 64...Utterly irresponsible

As for advice, I hope she's financially secure as she may need outside help, I would be looking at a live in nanny. The thought of being 68 and having to put two kids through university brings me out in hives

@IceFrost

She didn’t expect either to implant let alone both

She went and got implanted with donor eggs and didn’t expect to get pregnant?! How does that actually work.

To be honest she’s made her bed.

These are my thoughts too I'm afraid OP.

Why would you go to the expense and probable emotional turmoil of all of this in the expectation that ot wouldnt work, that's ridiculous tbh.

If your that age and eggs implant does your body just remember our figure out how to sustain a pregnancy? Or do you take hormones to help?

No advice for you op, I'm sure she'll be just fine, at her age she should have it figured out and she wouldn't have done this without thinking it through carefully.....

Donor eggs have an incredibly high success rate - how was she so ill informed??

You can’t really help her - she’ll need to find a lot of (paid) help, assume she has a good job/savings?

Another thing to think about is their schooling, a 55 year old mum would stand out like a sore thumb where I live, not to mention when they get into their teens! I can't help but think what a complete mistake this is!

Just to clarify my above comment, I know it's not you personally. My comment was more wondering about the situation in general rather than directly aimed at "you".

My friend had DD twin girls at 50, so ignoring all the arseholes on this thread I’d say congratulations to yours.

My friend was financially lucky enough to be able to afford a night nanny and mother’s help in the early days which was, I think, very useful.

Please tell your friend to contact the Donor Conception Network, if she hasn’t already, as they run f2f (or used to pre-Covid) networking and support events. There are also really useful Facebook groups for single mothers by choice that arrange meet-ups and online support.

How can this be “a big shock?” She purposefully has the embryos implanted. It’s not like she got pregnant from a one night stand at 50.

Blimey, some of this is a bit harsh! Would you be saying this about a man who was going to become a dad at 50?

I imagine she'll have the same difficulties as any first time single mum of twins, and she'll need the same practical support from her friends and family.

She is financially secure yes. She is considering a live in nanny which I think is a good idea too.
Lovely reply thank you Glummymcglummeron x

But why is it a shock? She chose to go abroad and have two double donor eggs planted, not really surprising they have taken or she is having twins. Hope she has good income to take care of herself and the children.

My second cousin had twins from donor eggs aged 51 last year. She's beyond knackered BUT she's quite wealthy (v minor celeb but strong career) so has been able to pay for help. I think the main thing for your friend to work out is shat standards can she drop and what can she afford go pay for,helpwise. She will get plenty of judgement as she progresses with the pregnancy and parenthood beadily eyes this thread so if you can be genuinely there for her emotionally I'm sure it will make a huge difference

Could you help decorate and prepare a nursery and assemble the furniture for it when she is further along and lockdown is hopefully lifted?

I guess it depends on how much you want to help, regular babysitting would possibly be appreciated

*what standards not shat!!