To ask for help in how to help my single friend pregnant with twins aged 50?

[Flamingo1980]

My friend decided to have two double donor eggs implanted in her abroad and she is now 18 weeks pregnant with twins aged 50. She didn’t expect either to implant let alone both so this is a big shock and she’s pretty worried about how she will cope.
I’m trying my best to help out practically and be positive, however I’m also normally quite a realistic person and I would be lying if i said I think it’s not going to be without it’s problems.
I’ve got a seven year old myself so I only know how hard one child is in my 30’s... Can anyone offer any advice as to what needs to happen or what would be useful to say to her or do for her?
Many thanks in advance.

@VinylDetective

Yes totally F off all of you bleating that 50 is too old. Go and get your bloody coffins measured if you like, but don't drag others down who are being positive and not letting that so called milestone define them as being past it

You’re just not getting this, are you? You can be as positive as you like but it doesn’t stop your body ageing. It’s not about being defined by your age, it’s about the reality of what happens when your body turns traitor. Why do you think menopause exists? It’s to prevent women becoming mothers when their body’s no longer up to the job.

It’s becoming increasingly fashionable to deny the effects of age and pretend we’ve discovered the elixir of eternal youth and pretend we’re immortal but biology hasn’t got the memo.

I do agree with this.

I am not bashing older parents, but i so hope no one (man or woman) takes the decision to commit to twenty years of parenting with this unrealistic attitude.

People absolutely should be mature and intelligent enough to understand even if they feel great in their fifties (which is not at all old), they are looking at a time span that will take them into their seventies.

They need to be realistic, and plan accordingly. Making a decision this huge based on the attitude of this particular poster would be bonkers.

But again, I am sure the new mum in question has weighted this all up with care and foresight, and I wish her Well.

Op I can't believe that this thread is still up. I really hope you have changed a significant amount of detail as this could be so outing. Very very unfair on your friend to be discussing her private business on here. How upset will she be if she finds it.

I do hope everything goes well for OP’s friend. But I also feel quite strongly about assisted reproductive technology being used to help post menopausal women have babies. I’m speaking from the viewpoint of having had fertility issues but by the time I got to 50 I had accepted it wasn’t going to happen.

I had my twins age 35. I did not have support due to my husband’s job and we were living away from any family. Your friend will need help looking after the babies and herself (you have to put yourself first in this situation). Once the kids are 4 things become easier and all being well they will have an amazing friendship for life. Tamba will have guidance too. She absolutely can do this but should do all her prep ahead of time so that she has everything ready to go. Thinking and planning, sourcing but not necessarily big spending.

Many people will tell you they did it themselves - and all power to them.

I wish mum to be well.

I’m not trying to pretend I have the same stamina as I had at 35. What I will say was I personally (and I am most definitely NOT superwoman) could look after newborn twins now at 50, though my experience was doing it at 35 with other toddlers
Why focus at the newborn stage? She won't be a mum for just 1 year. If anything, if she has a full time nanny, that stage will probably be the easiest.

It's when they go through their teens that is more concerning. My grandma was 45 when she had my mum, naturally and even though she was very young minded, she found it hard, didn't enjoy motherhood as she was convinced she would and dealt very badly with mum mum rebelling at 15. 5 years makes quite a difference at that age and going alone is twice as hard.

She might cope very well but in all likelihood, she will struggle and probably quite a bit. Those saying that a baby being born is always good news have clearly failed to read the sadly long thread about regretting having children that was posted some weeks ago.

@caringcarer

Which country implants 2 embryos into a 50 year old? It is madness. If she had to do it she should have stuck to 1 embryo. She will be constantly exhausted. She could die before they are at university. What ever will happen to them then?

USA

Read my previous post

It’s actually more common then you know

I’m a maternity nurse and often my clients are older parents

Over 45 many use de to help achieve their dream

They may have spent years trying to get preg - like me

Or maybe didn’t meet the man of their dreams

Hence going solo

These babies are wanted and loved

Pandering to their replacement wives? So all younger women married to older men are a 'replacement' for the original wife? Not projecting there are you?

No, castle of doom, not at all. Quite the opposite. It's so lazy of you to make a glib comment and presumption like that - just because I pointed out, in a discussion about women having children at 50, that men do the same - doesn't mean to say I have first hand experience?! Of either!

*It’s actually more common then you know

I’m a maternity nurse and often my clients are older parents

Over 45 many use de to help achieve their dream

They may have spent years trying to get preg - like me

Or maybe didn’t meet the man of their dreams

Hence going solo

These babies are wanted and loved*

🙏👌