To be concerned re this advice?

[Nicknamegoeshere]

My ex-husband told my ten year-old son over the phone tonight that if someone pushes him or hits him at playtime, he should push or hit back in "self-defence."

I'm personally quite horrified at this advice. Son says he knows it's wrong.

Advice please!

I agree with your ex also.

I've instilled into my DD if someone hits you, you hit them back.

I agree, always told DS that if someone hits him, he hits back twice as hard.
I don't know a single parent who doesn't give this advice.

What happened with speaking to a member of staff?!!

I agree with your ex.

Don’t start a fight, but by all means finish one.

@Hellohah

I agree, always told DS that if someone hits him, he hits back twice as hard. I don't know a single parent who doesn't give this advice.

Yep

Yea I've also taught my DS that too. What about when he's older there will be no teacher to run to and he would need to defend his self.

Yep. Our rule was/is - if someone hits or hurts you, tell them to stop. If they don’t, hit back.

Kids who hit other need to learn there are consequences. In the nicest way, they do.

If there isn’t a teacher or adult right next to you if someone hits you (on purpose, not an accidental push or anything) then you hit them back harder. That’s what I’ve told mine. They know if they ever act in self defence I’ll have their back 100% if they get in trouble too.

Sorry I’m with your ex too, and have given similar advice to my son. He has successfully employed this and never gets bothered at school.

Blimey. I don't agree! Surely you walk away, try and defuse, find an adult etc. - not get involved in a fight

Thats what I've always told my kids. Teachers do fuck all. Thats coming from experience.

I agree also. I complained to the school on numerous occasions and nothing was done. My son was getting hit on a regular basis. I told him if someone hits you you hit them back. He now stands up for himself and we've had no issues/incidents since.

I don't like violence and would stress to my child that initiating violence is always unacceptable. However, I would definitely teach a 10 year-old that, if he/she was to be shoved or hit at school, that they are allowed to retaliate. It is the best way to stop bullies in their tracks.

I don't mean that as in teachers don't try to stop it, just that kids that bulky aren't scared of teachers and they just learn to be sneaky about it.

@BlackRibboner I'm a primary teacher of 20 years and aways thought that too!!!

YABU. This is what we tell our dd's. Being a soft target doesn't always work. We tell them that if someone hits you tell them to stop. If they do it again, hit them back harder. We obviously don't advocate them hitting someone first.

Never throw the first shot, but feel free to throw the last- my Ddad when I was about 8 and some vile girls had been bullying me. Same lessons will be imparted to my DC

Your ex is right.

I'm a teacher and would tell my own child to hit back.

The children who hit and kick others never do it to the children who would give them a thump back.

Yanbu. I tell my kids that they are not responsible for the actions of other people but are responsible for their own actions and how they react. Hitting is not allowed. Hitting back is not self defense. If you hit back the situation could escalate and become dangerous. You get out if it as quickly as possible.
You could hit back and unintentionally seriously injure the other.

My dm was head of an excellent Ofsted school in a nice area. She told me to tell dd to hit back if someone hits her.
What would your advice be?

I agree with your ex too.

Getting a teacher involved generally makes things 100x worse.