To be concerned re this advice?

[Nicknamegoeshere]

My ex-husband told my ten year-old son over the phone tonight that if someone pushes him or hits him at playtime, he should push or hit back in "self-defence."

I'm personally quite horrified at this advice. Son says he knows it's wrong.

Advice please!

After being terrified of bullies all through school, my advice to my children was: Hit back. Hit hard. Don't get caught.

Agree with your ex. Children constantly running to the teacher with complaints are only accused of telling tales. Hit back.

@Nicknamegoeshere

What happened with speaking to a member of staff?!!

If the staff are anything like our local schools then I agree with your ex. My child doesn't go to school to get hit. If they hit you then hit them back. Little shit shouldn't give it out if they can't take it back.

Don’t start a fight, but by all means finish one.

This is all on the cosy assumption that the victim will be stronger than the bully and that the bully won't want to hit back even harder.

I'm quite shocked by the responses here. I wouldn't be particularly cross at my child "hitting back" because I think that is natural, but I wouldn't be encouraging that as the solution if walking away, or telling an adult was possible. I also think you can tell them to grab the other childs hand, push them away etc, physically stop them hitting. That's different to saying "hit them harder" or "just make sure you get the last hit in" which is condoning escalating violence to solve problems. Also, if they could get in as much trouble then.

What about when he's older there will be no teacher to run to and he would need to defend his self.

I've managed 42 years on this Earth without needing to defend myself in an actual fight. I've been attacked once with a bottle and I had to neutralise the bloke but I didn't hit back. Every other aggressive knob I've just managed to ignore.

I don't understand how everyone manages to get in so many fights.

I’ll ask him but I’m not sure he’d be allowed to say something like that in school.

He'd never teach again.

I agree with the ex.
They hit you then you hit them twice as hard back. Little shit.

I'm quite shocked by the responses here.

Me too. It's like toxic masculinity personified.

I know the sensible thing to do if you're an ADULT is to walk away, diffuse the situation but people forget that when kids do that, they make themselves into victims. The bullies will be back.

Your ex is right .Children should be made to learn about self defense and also about hitting

I follow a pretty well known child psychologist who agrees with your ex’s advice too.

Speaking to a member of staff? Don’t make me laugh. Schools were pathetic at tackling bullying when I was a kid and having three kids in the school system as well as working in one now, I can tell you that nothing has changed.

I tell my kids that if anyone raises their hands, feet or otherwise inflicts any physical torment on them, they put that kid on their arse pronto.

It’s not the school rules kids live by it’s the law of the jungle. Don’t kid yourself it’s not. Tell a teacher? Aye ok then.

Your son will be a Teen soon and in due course would start secondary education .I am sure there will be lots of times where he might be bullied as well , as they say its quite common in secondary schools .I agree with your ex .I have never taught my son to hit and was always like if someone hits u , should not hit back .Now grown up , he gets hitted and does nothing .

I teach my son hit back only if you're hit and you make sure it's harder. Schools are useless and never sort anything. I went to the school twice before about my son being bullied and they did nothing. I will never feel telling him to hit them harder is the wrong move.

@EatTheHamTina

I agree with the ex. They hit you then you hit them twice as hard back. Little shit.

I find this completely disgusting.

Fuck me, this thread. No wonder the world is in the state it is.

Teacher here.. to students and parents I obviously advise they talk to an adult..

My own child I'd say speak to an adult once.. if it isn't resolved then you hit them back!

I am all the more grateful that my DC have been to schools where hitting has not been tolerated, and where other, more constructive, ways to solve problems have been actively encouraged.

I agree with you ex. Don't hit someone first but if someone hits you hit them back hard and they won't bully you again xxxx

Great way to get suspended from school.

I used to get bullied by a group of older boys when I started high school.
They would shout abuse at me, barge me, push me and laugh at my humiliation, the cunts. One day while minding my own business,the ringleader howked up a globule of phlegm amd spat it right into my hair.
Long story short, I battered that lad. A passing teacher ended up pulling me off him by the scruff of my neck. I got suspended but none of those cunts came anywhere near me ever again. Totally worth it.
No regrets.

I have advised my kids someone hits you,hit em back and don’t get caught
Do it out of sight, away from teachers and even if they’re bigger and you get a pasting stand up for yourself
Class bully was picking on my dd, and eventually dd hit back. Bully told teacher...wasn’t believed and no one saw owt

YANBU, OP. I’m amazed that so many think the right thing to do is retaliate. The advice boils down to “stoop to the bully’s level”. Would the same advice be given if we were talking about adults, I wonder?

I wouldn’t condone my child hitting first.

But if they’re hit they’re perfectly entitled to hit back in self defence.

And if they have to hit back they need to hit back hard.

I agree with your ex.