To be sick of hearing....

[Wibblywobbly40]

Before anyone jumps on me this not aimed at everyone but a select few

AIBU to be sick of hearing i need a break or you are lucky from single parent friends (who's children's fathers are involved).

I understand everyone needs a break from their parenting life but I find my single parent friends seem to crave that break alot even though all of my single parent friends only have their kids some 50/50 and a couple 5 days a week. They also like to tell me and a couple of other friends we are lucky to have partners to split the load.

In reality or at least my reality I have my DC's 24/7 regardless whether their dad is home or not the majority of us family households don't get 2-3 night breaks each week, my DH works full time sometimes 13 hour days which is bringing him in late so most of the time DC's are in bed but when he is off and we are splitting the load neither of us get a break regardless until they go to bed.

I think we are very lucky and blessed to be able to enjoy the kids together, but him walking through the door doesn't automatically mean I get a break it's means then there are 2 of us making the load lighter.

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get?? And single parents shouldn't automatically assume that's its easier because there is 2 of us??

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get??

Yes. It is only you.

Starting a thread to bash single parents.

Wow.

Lol

Yup. Only you as you will find out should you ever find yourself in that position. I hope you don't, you wouldn't enjoy learning.

Yep only you.

It should be easier when you’re in a couple and have kids though. Unless you or your partner is a useless fucking idiot, in which case it’s a burden. I’ve been both a single parent and put up with a useless fucking idiot in the past and I would take being a single mum over putting up with such shite again.

YABU btw.

I agree with you Op! Two of my single friends get 2 whole weekends to themselves a month. They still moan. I think they have it better off than those that are married. Hahaha

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get?? And single parents shouldn't automatically assume that's its easier because there is 2 of us??

Some single parents maybe. If its not easier with 2 of you then you need to look at your DP.

@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag

It should be easier when you’re in a couple and have kids though. Unless you or your partner is a useless fucking idiot, in which case it’s a burden. I’ve been both a single parent and put up with a useless fucking idiot in the past and I would take being a single mum over putting up with such shite again.

YABU btw.

Not true! My husband & I parent equally splitting chores/time with children, time all together as family. We'd never get a whole weekend to ourselves. I never moan about it, like my single friends do.

I never get a weekend off but when I did - I used to sleep the whole thing.

I have mine 24/7

You're wrong. It's not about the effort of looking after them and a home, it's this PLUS the mental load and responsibility on one pair of shoulders.

This is why your friends moan. The mental load is much much more exhausting and when you're not co-parenting happily, it's a constant emotional drag.

So I shall say nicely - shut up

Well, if you think it's so easy being the only adult in your house and having your kids half the time, you know what to do.

So unreasonable. Hope that helps

@chuffedasbuttons

I never get a weekend off but when I did - I used to sleep the whole thing.

I have mine 24/7

You're wrong. It's not about the effort of looking after them and a home, it's this PLUS the mental load and responsibility on one pair of shoulders.

This is why your friends moan. The mental load is much much more exhausting and when you're not co-parenting happily, it's a constant emotional drag.

So I shall say nicely - shut up

^this with bells on^

Well my DCs other parent hasn’t remembered they exist for 3.5 years and before that was a chocolate teapot in terms of “help” so I’m on 24/7 for everything with no one walking in the door at 6pm to lighten the load. But tbh, I don’t complain. It’s pointless. It doesn’t change anything. It just makes me feel worse about it and that’s the last thing I need when things are tough.

But if the child's other parent is abusive or just a shit person that "break" might be spent worrying about what their kids are being exposed to or even if they will be brought back!
Also I imagine being a single parent in lockdown has been absolutely horrendous? Nobody to tag in for a while so you can have a bath or a poo im peace or just a nice walk alone.
Having to drag all the kids to the shops because there's nobody else to watch them at home?

No, I think I'm grateful for my husband and don't begrudge a single parent a break.

Break, don't make me laugh.

Lots of single parents don’t have a Co parent so they have the kids 24/7 on their own. They don’t have weekends to themself as the kids don’t see the other parent, or it’s limited to 2 Hours a week supervised visit.

I used to have three child free days a week when I was a single parent. It wasn’t easy though; XH was spectacularly useless when there was any kind of crisis, and paid a pittance in child maintenance.

@chuffedasbuttons

I never get a weekend off but when I did - I used to sleep the whole thing.

I have mine 24/7

You're wrong. It's not about the effort of looking after them and a home, it's this PLUS the mental load and responsibility on one pair of shoulders.

This is why your friends moan. The mental load is much much more exhausting and when you're not co-parenting happily, it's a constant emotional drag.

So I shall say nicely - shut up

This ^

Plus for a lot of single parents our exes are actively undermining us at every turn which adds to the mental load.

Try being a widow.

Single parents carry the household emotionally financially and practically. OP you are unreasonable!!!

Meh. I think everyone is entitled to a moan. I don't think it needs to be tit for tat. Would I bloody love a whole weekend to myself (and to catch up on my marking?) yes. Yes I would. Would I trade it for having my DH (bless his often useless socks..) around to share the mental load on a daily basis (not to mention at 3am when the baby spikes a fever that won't go down and you're panicking)? No I would not.

Being a mother is bloody tough. My gut feeling is that I'd really struggle without my dh, despite doing most of the drudge work when it comes to nights etc.

I get your point, but think it's poor taste at the moment. Lockdown must have been really fucking tough on single parent families.

It sounds more like your DP is useless in honesty. Those weekends might be a 'break', but do you think they want to be away from their children for periods often mandated by court? Miss some Christmases? Share birthdays? Have their children possibly stay with their exes new partner and have another parent figure in their life, one who you have no say over? It's not as simple as having a 'break'. If you're at home with the children and are having a really crap day, surely your other half would help when he was home, if not then he is the issue. Parenthood can be hard for anyone, it's not a competition, but what a horrible thread to start.

So glad mine are older now and can look after themselves.

Other parent? Nope, don’t have one of those here, its only ever been me.

Do you earn 100% of the family income, or do you have the luxury of your partner bringing in a second wage?