To be sick of hearing....

[Wibblywobbly40]

Before anyone jumps on me this not aimed at everyone but a select few

AIBU to be sick of hearing i need a break or you are lucky from single parent friends (who's children's fathers are involved).

I understand everyone needs a break from their parenting life but I find my single parent friends seem to crave that break alot even though all of my single parent friends only have their kids some 50/50 and a couple 5 days a week. They also like to tell me and a couple of other friends we are lucky to have partners to split the load.

In reality or at least my reality I have my DC's 24/7 regardless whether their dad is home or not the majority of us family households don't get 2-3 night breaks each week, my DH works full time sometimes 13 hour days which is bringing him in late so most of the time DC's are in bed but when he is off and we are splitting the load neither of us get a break regardless until they go to bed.

I think we are very lucky and blessed to be able to enjoy the kids together, but him walking through the door doesn't automatically mean I get a break it's means then there are 2 of us making the load lighter.

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get?? And single parents shouldn't automatically assume that's its easier because there is 2 of us??

@Nostrings457

All the close minded comments on here.....people ought to look in the mirror. OP is clearly having a hard time, has pointed out examples of single friends having a (physical) break more so that her in a couple. Its nothing to do with the emotional side and how heartbreaking it is for single parents, really dont think the responses on here are justified.

What are we looking in the mirror at. Hun

@smallsteps88 on the days I am not working he will range between 8pm and 9pm Monday - Wednesday I work 11pm to 3am Thursday night Friday night so he will come in earlier on those days so I can have a bit of a nap then on Saturday night I work from 10pm to 6am and on the odd occasion that he is not working from home we will go shopping through the day on a Saturday

@PrawnofthePatriarchy

Try being a widow.

This. With bells on. 7 years for me now since he passed and I have had 24/7/365 responsibility... physically, financially and mentally. With all due respect, shame on you for starting this thread and, instead of projecting your insecurities, you should look closer to home to resolve your issues.

So Saturday day when he’s not working the odd occasion, and Sundays, you can give him a break and he can give you a break. Once a month. Alternate.

Some single parents do, some dont.
I know one single mother with three kids, no financial support from father, and very rare visitation that honestly adds more work for mother. Grandparents are in no fit state to care for children and require support themselves.
I know another that has one child, gets child maintenance and has 3 out of 7 night with kid at dads aswell as having grandparent support.
Everyone's experiences are different.

Go become a single parent if you think it's so easy. You have no idea what you're talking about. Your husband works to provide for you. If you were a single parent you'd have to provide financially for the family by yourself on top of caring for your kids - often with minimal or no help. You'd have to pay for childcare. You'd have to do absolutely everything by yourself.

That's exhausting.

I was a single parent for a few years. I had more stress in one day then in a typical year now. It's the emotional stress of being responsible for everything and the vulnerability if anything goes wrong financially.

Some women in relationships have a hard time because their DHs do not step up and some lone parents have a hard time because their ex's are useless.

Instead of turning on each other why can't women show some empathy for each others' position. It is not a competition and in most cases it appears that it is the male that is at fault. We should work on addressing that rather than playing who is the most hard done by.

Life is busy these days, it’s non stop and can be exhausting. It’s all relative, it’s not very helpful to say MY situation is worse because of X reason. People deal with things differently.
If you work from 11pm-3am with children I’m not surprised your tired.

When you say you go shopping, could one of you go instead and take the children with you? Could get it delivered instead? Could family to watch the children to give you a break?

I live my life with no parent walking through the door after a shift, taking on the mental, emotional and financial load.

I have to work and pay for childcare alone, while my dds dad gets contact around his shifts. My older dcs dad doesn't see them at all and has whittled CMS down to vitrually nothing.

4 days a month I get a 'break' this weekend my break will consist of decorating their bedroom, building beds, and catching up on all the stuff I struggle to do while working and have no adult help.

It is relentless, absolutely relentless, and, as nice as it is to get a break, the days afterwards of repercussions from my ex disney dadding all weekend, are fucking awful too.

If someone says they are struggling, or need a break, your go-to reaction shouldn't be jealousy and bitterness because you perceive their life as easy. If they are friends just listen, understand, and vent about your struggles if you need to.

Never has a thread pissed me off more.

I am a SP and my son is away from me 2 nights and 1 day a fortnight. I don't want that 'break' and I miss him. Sometimes it's not a choice.

I feel better off than friends in unhappy uneven relationships who moan about the 'it's my turn for a lie in'

Why compare. Who cares. Each of our situations are different just make the most of it an be happy.

The point is I wasn't asking how I could get a break I know if I desperately need one I could work around things to have one

My point was AIBU to be sick of hearing how much they need a break when technically they are getting one, regardless of how you want to look at it or how it might feel catching up on your housework without children there is getting a break, watching TV alone feeling lonely without your kids there is a getting a break because they are physically not there, I am not saying everyone enjoys not having their kids at home because quite clearly from. Some people's responses they don't, they would prefer their kids there. So if that's the cases and you prefer your kids there would you even moab about not having a break because if you are choosing to have your kids 24/7 and by choosing I don't mean being windowed or keeping your kids safe from someone abusive or an absent parent because in all fairness that's not choosing to have your kids 24/7 that's the fact you have to have them 24/7 through no choice of your own.

None of the people I know not one are court mandated it's an arrangement that suits both parents but don't moan about not having a break when if your children are not physically at your house whether you like this arrangement or not you are having a break. You might not be mentally but that also goes with couples

Right so you’re not talking about single parents then are you? You’re talking about some people you know. Learn the difference.

Nope, you are talking about separated parents with joint custody. Lone parents have no one else and no breaks. You are being incredibly unfair.

Tell them to shut up because you have it so much worse than they do then, that will stop them moaning at you

Op you last post makes you sound worse.

@Wibblywobbly40

Not 100% why everyone seems to jump on my DH being useless I never once said that he comes in and does what he has to do, I also never said he walks in at a reasonable time.

I also specifically said to the parents who have children with fathers involved and are actually Co parenting, jesus single parents with no co parenting I feel for the most because they don't even get a bit of resbite.

A couple of you have explained why and I appreciate that

I am also not going to argue with why I was sitting thinking about how much of a break they had over the weekend and 2 days later needing another one when I don't remember the last time me and my DH got a break from having our DC's

That is all everyone is entitled to their opinion

@Wibblywobbly40

What's stopping you and your DH giving each other a break though? Baffling you haven't achieved this

For the first 5 years of my children's life my DH never had a job I worked 2 jobs one full one part time and because I earned enough money in the government's eyes we couldn't claim anything not a penny so I paid all the bills including childcare when we needed it for him to travel to interviews take his elderly father to hospital appointments every day for treatment so don't tell me I don't know what it's like to have a hard life I lived it and I am very grateful for what we have now and probably wouldn't have it now if it wasn't for my DH being such a hard worker, again I am not saying I am better than anyone I am most definitely not but I am also not ignorant to the fact single parents DO need a break but when you are getting one every week why moan that you need another one

ODFOD.

Seriously. What a piece of work you are.

I work full time. I do all the housework, shopping, cooking, washing.. I work part time and seasonally. At weekends when I’m having a rest, I pick up additional work when available. I pay all our bills. I manage my son’s life threatening condition. I make sure my children’s homework is done. I do haircuts and shoe shopping, dentist and hospital appointments. Sure, children see ex every other weekend but fucking hell, why do you think I should feel sorry for you because you have your children 24/7 and I don’t? You know what, fucking try it. Try sending off your children to someone who hates you, with a woman who introduced herself to your children after 2 weeks of knowing your ex and demanded they call her ‘mummy’.

Jesus fucking wept.

Wibblywobbly, give your head a bit of a wobble.

I sort of get your point. 2 weekends and half the week off childcare duties if you have 50/50. Of course some parents are doing it all on their own and do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend to help with the load. It's unarguably more difficult for them.

I'm a single mum working full time. It's hard. It's not just about being the only person to do any of the household chores and childcare. As PPs have said, it's about the mental load. Every decision and all responsibilities are mine. I don't get much financially from my ex. Finances are difficult when you're on one income. My ex is abusive. Having to deal with that is draining. The two weekends a month I 'get to myself' aren't spent partying. They are spent doing all the household tasks I don't have time for at any other point.

You haven't thought about what being single really means when it comes to parenting.

I worked 2 jobs one full one part time

Been there. But as a single parent so paying all the bills, including full time childcare with no one there at home to pick up the slack. Stop whinging about how hard you’ve had it. Everyone has hard times. There are no medals. Get on with it and stop trying to kick others.

OP is clearly having a hard time, has pointed out examples of single friends having a (physical) break more so that her in a couple

Try being the only person responsible for everything. For literally keeping your children alive. Imagine doing it in the current climate, worrying about what will happen if you end up in hospital, having no other adult to talk to properly, (in my job we barely speak now we are so socially distanced, no smiles, no fun, just constant stress), of being able to pop out for a pint of milk,,,,There is no ‘break’. It is fucking relentless.

You know you get a break every time he walks in and you have an adult to discuss your day with, every time you don't have to look at just the money you bring in, knowing thats all you have for the month, every time you have a problem and text him, every time you have a hospital appointment and he can take an hour off, every time he does a dish, or makes a cuppa, every time you can pop out to the shop without bundling all the kids up.... I could go on and on, but you have many more 'breaks' than single parents.

So what are you moaning for?

If you think its such a fantastic life then divorce your husband and enjoy.

I think you should have this thread deleted OP. It’s not doing anyone any good. It’s insensitive and goady whether you meant it to be or not.