To be sick of hearing....

[Wibblywobbly40]

Before anyone jumps on me this not aimed at everyone but a select few

AIBU to be sick of hearing i need a break or you are lucky from single parent friends (who's children's fathers are involved).

I understand everyone needs a break from their parenting life but I find my single parent friends seem to crave that break alot even though all of my single parent friends only have their kids some 50/50 and a couple 5 days a week. They also like to tell me and a couple of other friends we are lucky to have partners to split the load.

In reality or at least my reality I have my DC's 24/7 regardless whether their dad is home or not the majority of us family households don't get 2-3 night breaks each week, my DH works full time sometimes 13 hour days which is bringing him in late so most of the time DC's are in bed but when he is off and we are splitting the load neither of us get a break regardless until they go to bed.

I think we are very lucky and blessed to be able to enjoy the kids together, but him walking through the door doesn't automatically mean I get a break it's means then there are 2 of us making the load lighter.

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get?? And single parents shouldn't automatically assume that's its easier because there is 2 of us??

OP is whingeing about single parents getting a break from their DC, not getting a break with a partner.

OP you are being really insensitive. If you want a break, sort one out! It really shouldn’t be that hard of you have a DH there too.
I’m a single parent who has 2 nights “off” every week. I didn’t chose this , STBEH left to shack up with someone else. It’s heart- wrenching that the kids are gone 2 nights a week. I work late these nights as I have sole responsibility for my mortgage and bills.
I do 100% of the mental load, with a STBEH who makes life more difficult if he can.
I’ll lucky I don’t have friends like you judging me. They meet me on my nights ‘off’ after work to check in ok and keep me going. They understand that I’m exhausted and run down as it’s hard work juggling it all.

Wow. I’ll swap with you op if you like
You can have my full time ( stressful responsible ) job. A part time job. A child with adhd plus two more kids. a home to run and pay for plus all the other life admin stuff
Alone

You can deal with an irresponsible ex who refuses to have his children because parenting ‘isn’t his job’ What Does he pay ?- nothing
What do you think. Do you want to swap?

Single parenting isn’t all sitting around wondering what to do next.

You’ve annoyed me with this post

Because maybe they want a break together?

Then ask family or friends and reward them accordingly.
Or pay a babysitter.
Or take one morning off while they're in childcare.

There are options, some might be harder than others ,or impossible due to circumstance but that doesn't mean that single parents have it easy and don't need a break .

@Smallsteps88, have you ever heard of a thing called a babysitter?
Maybe not just now, but, you know, in usual times.....

Load of shite

I'm the one who walks through the door from work as well as everything else

One day a YEAR would be great.

But I love my DD. I'll jet the break when she's left home

Why can't you just accept everyone has their own struggles, annoyances, upsets etc. There's always someone worse off than you and someone better off than you - people can still complain and brag though.

[quote mineofuselessinformation]@Smallsteps88, have you ever heard of a thing called a babysitter?
Maybe not just now, but, you know, in usual times.....[/quote]
Eh?? What are you on about?

I was a single parent for 5 years to twins and now I have a partner. Having someone else around, even if they don't give you a break makes a world of difference. You don't feel the loneliness quite so much as when there's nobody there at all.
As it is, the boys have been away from me overnight 3 times and one of those times I was in hospital. I have never had a 24 hour break let alone a weekend break. But there are people who have it worse than I do and there are people who seem to have it good in comparison. But i don't begrudge people having a whinge if they need to.

It sounds like you have a DH problem if you're doing that much parenting.

I'm a LP with my dc's 24/7 and I don't feel very blessed tbh. Fed up with them this year.

My husband sometimes works nights and you really feel the difference when you are alone in the house with the kids over night. Even if the kids sleep well, that sense that if anyone could become ill you'd be alone or for example if there was a burglary. Also what if you fall ill as well- there is that concern that no one would be able to look after the kids and your always on standby. When my husband works overnight i sometimes think what if I were to have a fall in the house or become unconscious and there's no-one there apart from the kids. I imagine these are the challenging things about parenting alone. Also being able to discuss things about your child like their school report or just a funny thing they did. Or decision making. It's alot of responsibility as a single parent so I can understand why one might want more breaks than if they were in a couple. A Weekend to myself does sound great though!

I have my son 12 days out of 14 so I get every other weekend "off" and trust me by then I need it. I usually spend the whole time in bed alone.
I would.trade my free weekend in a heartbeat to have some adult company, someone to share the worry and stress. Even just someone to enjoy my DS with or come on days out with us. As well as the financial, emotional and mental burden (which trust me is enough on its own) you cannot begin to imagine the crippling loneliness you feel as a single parent with no support network. I might get a bit of free time but to have a partnership and to feel loved is worth so much more than that so yes I think YABU.

This thread saddens me because you’re ignoring how heart breaking and back breaking it is to be a single parent.

Yes yabu op. It's not just the physical help. It's the sharing of finances, not having to take responsibility for most or all of the bills singlehandedly, someone to talk issues through when there's a problem with the kids. Single parenting is hard work.

There was a thread on here a while back arguing that being a single parent in a good coparenting relationship was the best of all worlds. I'm sure there are many disadvantages but I have a friend in this situation and she does seem very happy. I have definate pangs of jealousy when she's skipping off on regular adventures with her new squeeze. My husband is a good father who does his share but regular long breaks from the children doesn't happen for either of us.

OP I work full time too and there is only one of me and no one to " split the load " with. I can't comment on whether I am " better off" than you but I am better off than i was with my abusive ex.

@DontTouchTheMoustache
I feel that too. Every other weekend off , but what do I do ? Indoors on my own during lockdown with no company. Its very lonely being a single parent and I'd love someone here just to share my pride in ds if nothing else

This would be an insensitive thread to start at the best of times... but at this particular time it is utterly tone deaf.

From reading an awful lot of threads on here, I actually think I was pretty lucky. Just DD (with my surname) and me from day one, her father opted for no contact and has never paid maintenance, no family around and I had six weeks maternity leave.

However, none of the wrangling about maintenance or step parenting or weekends, holidays, Christmas, who has the best clothes at their house etc. I worked long hours and my "breaks" were spent with DD. I read posts about useless fathers, either married or wish they were married, or are they having affairs and think ok, it wasn't ideal but I sidestepped all of that, thank you.

I get a ‘break’ from the DC every other weekend when they go to their dads.
I also have a ‘break’ on their birthdays / Christmas / Easter etc, every alternate year. The sadness of waking up on Christmas morning without your children never gets easier.
YABU

I don't even know where to start with responding to this... DD hasn't been to her dad's overnight since lockdown started in March (he didn't think it was the right thing to do
)

I've been home alone with DD for weeks on end... got made redundant... My cheeks are hurting from having to smile and keep a brave face on for DD.

The mental load is at peak right now. How long will it be before I get another job? Will it be before or after I lose the house and everything I've worked so so hard for?

But hey, her dad has her a couple of hours after school every now and then so I'm 'lucky' because I get a break.

OP you have no idea...

Excellent point op. Single parents just don't consider how much harder life as a sahp with a partner working ft must be. Inconsiderate bastards with their easy lives.

Maybe you could work full time like many of these lazy arsed single parents do, and use the money to pay for a nanny so you can 'have a break'.

I've been a lone parent to one, and I've been a parent to two with a partner that works away a lot. And when you've done the former, the latter is so easy I've never felt the need for a break. And I've always worked ft too. If I was comparing being a single parent to having a partner and not working, I'd imagine the latter would feel like a permanent break by comparison.

OK so I will put this another way these friends have decided lockdown isn't for them and when they do not have their children this time is not spent alone its spent with the other single mothers having drinks always 2 maybe 3 nights a week, this is not am exaggeration it's how it goes at least 2 of them by the day the children are coming back are asking their children's dads if they can have them one extra day because they are not up to looking after their children and they will laugh and joke about this on a group chat or at the school.

So maybe I have been silly enough to think this is what single parents do but I do find that enough of a break without 2 days in needing another one.

We are in lockdown so I can't get my children looked after, the only family member they know is my mother who is now not capable of looking after my children after having cancer and becoming disabled who I care for and work part time 4 hours at night.

So I will apologise for being so closed minded regarding single parents

I also want to add I have one friend who gets no help at all from her children's father but never ever complains about needing a break

So maybe I have been silly enough to think this is what single parents do but I do find that enough of a break without 2 days in needing another one.

I also want to add I have one friend who gets no help at all from her children's father but never ever complains about needing a break

So you knew very well it's not like that for all single parents.
You just wanted to moan because in your eyes their lives are better/easier than yours. Green is not a good colour on you OP.

So I will apologise for being so closed minded regarding single parents

Why have you said this right after three paragraphs about how great it is being a single parent? You clearly aren't apologising for or retracting anything.

Like we said, if you think it's so brilliant, do it.