To be sick of hearing....

[Wibblywobbly40]

Before anyone jumps on me this not aimed at everyone but a select few

AIBU to be sick of hearing i need a break or you are lucky from single parent friends (who's children's fathers are involved).

I understand everyone needs a break from their parenting life but I find my single parent friends seem to crave that break alot even though all of my single parent friends only have their kids some 50/50 and a couple 5 days a week. They also like to tell me and a couple of other friends we are lucky to have partners to split the load.

In reality or at least my reality I have my DC's 24/7 regardless whether their dad is home or not the majority of us family households don't get 2-3 night breaks each week, my DH works full time sometimes 13 hour days which is bringing him in late so most of the time DC's are in bed but when he is off and we are splitting the load neither of us get a break regardless until they go to bed.

I think we are very lucky and blessed to be able to enjoy the kids together, but him walking through the door doesn't automatically mean I get a break it's means then there are 2 of us making the load lighter.

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get?? And single parents shouldn't automatically assume that's its easier because there is 2 of us??

Also I imagine being a single parent in lockdown has been absolutely horrendous? Nobody to tag in for a while so you can have a bath or a poo im peace or just a nice walk alone.
Having to drag all the kids to the shops because there's nobody else to watch them at home?

One thing I have been so so grateful for is that this lockdown didn’t happen when my Dc were small. They’re secondary age now and I know how much easier that has been for me than it is for other LPs with small DCs. Small mercies.

Well. I agree with you!!! I was a single parent and enjoyed every other weekend to myself! Now married with 2 DC and it’s hectic! Never a minutes peace and yes DH helps, but also he creates ... more washing ... more food .... more washing up etc 😂 so I can see your point although everyone struggles differently! And although I found it easier it was so lonely

Why does it have to be a competition as to who’s the most tired and fed up parent?

Fucking hell imagine being so sad you discredit your children and partners(or non partners) to get sympathy from other parents

I guess in a perfect world where your ex continues to co-parent in a helpful way then maybe they would get more of a break. However that is rarely the reality.
My mum had to raise us both. She would occasionally get a weekend when my dad would look after us but she couldn't go far or do much or even have a drink because it was likely that either he would drop us off early or we would have had enough of him and left, she'd then have to pick us up from the town he lived in.
In addition she was the only person responsible for keeping our house running and organising 2 children and all their various needs and activities. I definitely have it better than that as one of a couple raising a child. If I want or need "me time" DH looks after DS and vice versa.

I'm not a single parent but I do think you sound very insensitive.

I've contemplated what it would be like as a single parent and there are so many things I would find so difficult - having to split holidays between different houses, even just being the only adult in the house.. having to organise almost everything yourself.. and even just not being able to bounce happy moments off the other parent.

I agree that if you think single parents have it easier then you have a problem with your partner

Im a single parent, a widow and surrounded but caring family and friends and I get ZERO time off and you can shove your judgment

OP, I am one of those nefarious single parents who moans about needing a break. Or, am I one of the few you deem worthy of moaning because the father is not involved, so everything DOES fall to me?!

Not 100% why everyone seems to jump on my DH being useless I never once said that he comes in and does what he has to do, I also never said he walks in at a reasonable time.

I also specifically said to the parents who have children with fathers involved and are actually Co parenting, jesus single parents with no co parenting I feel for the most because they don't even get a bit of resbite.

A couple of you have explained why and I appreciate that

I am also not going to argue with why I was sitting thinking about how much of a break they had over the weekend and 2 days later needing another one when I don't remember the last time me and my DH got a break from having our DC's

That is all everyone is entitled to their opinion

I get what you are saying and it is hard to have proper break when your kids are always there but the flip side is at least you do have backup and don't have to do long stretches of solo parenting. You need to work it so you DO get a break e.g. have a lie in each, take it in turn to take the kids out to the park.

Absolute bollocks. And shows what little you actually know about the reality of being a single parent.

These 'breaks' we get are usually taken up with completing all household tasks at lightning speed because we don't get enough time to do them when the children are with us, because you know... we're parenting.

The mental load is intense. The responsibility of having to remember every single little thing in terms of both parenting and running a household and having no one there to pick up the slack which you will inevitably drop and then feel like a shit parent.

And by the way, these lovely breaks we get.... I don't see it like that. I see it that my child is taken away from me for 104 days every single year. That's over 400 days of my child's development that I've missed so far. That I'll never get back. I don't get a choice in that matter. I dont get a say when and how long for. Do you have any idea how horrible that is? I have to share birthdays and Christmases with my child, the child that I carried for 9 months, birthed and nursed. No choice. Suck it up. I didn't want my relationship to end. He walked out.

Your post has really upset me.

Having the weekends off might seem like a lovely idea but what those evenings when you realise you've run out milk and can't pop to shop as no DH to stay with sleeping kids or any sort of late night emergency where you have to drag all the kids along.

Split with your husband then and have your children 50/50 if that appeals to you more.

I'm a single parent. A work full time and adopted by myself so very, very rarely get a break. I'm happy with that though! Lots of people assume that because I'm a single parent there must be a dad on hand to do weekends. There isn't and that's fine here! I don't think it's about being single or not/having a partner or not. Everyone's situation is different and we don't know everything about people's lives.

I have my lo 247 as a lone parent and never ever moan about this, yet some of my friends in relationships with the fathers do constantly... So what does that show Wibblywobbly40?

Is this for real?

You couldn’t genuinely be this much of a dick?!!!

Some single parents have to deal with the other parent not being involved at all.

It sounds like you have a shit partner by the way. Maybe if he helped you more you wouldn’t feel the need to talk absolute nonsense on the internet.

I’m a single parent with an older child and I’ve found this whole thing unbelievably tough, I’ve no idea how those with younger kids cope. Having nobody to share the load - whether that’s mentally, physically, emotionally or practically - is harder than you can possibly imagine when you’ve got a partner to help out or just give you a hug. Have a bit of empathy and imagination maybe?

I am one f those lucky ones you describe
Ooh down to me 24/7 no no don't tripe that I get 1 night a week to re charge and sit here strings at the ceiling wondering how my life went so wrong 😂😂

Bloody Ada

It's no frcking pic nic love
I work bring kids up and no I don't have to sit with a moaning mini all evening, dealing with his rage and entitlement
But I do sit her dealing with all the shite of parenting on my own ! And pay the bills
So you are being a bit of a dick 😬

So so so unreasonable.

But it's your setup that doesn't allow breaks.

I do get breaks,especially if i want/need them.

Ignoring Covid.
I can go and stay with a friend overnight.
I can go out and drink and OH will have DD on the night and the next day if I'm tired or hungover.
OH will take DD out for hours so I can have the house to myself.
He'll play with her so I can read a book or have a bath.

Not a break but what makes things that little bit easier. If we're out of something and I'm already home he can get it. If I'm ill/upset/having a bad day I know he's there to pick up the slack. I have emergency childcare backup. He'll cook if I can't be arsed.
Basically, I can allow myself to fall because I always know there's someone else there who has my back.

I don't even "use" him that often ,but just the reassurance and peace of mind he's there if I need it counts for a lot.

Soooo many typos
God I was furious

Get this bull shit from other very married mums all the time
VENTING TYPOS 😂

@Avocano

Absolute bollocks. And shows what little you actually know about the reality of being a single parent.

These 'breaks' we get are usually taken up with completing all household tasks at lightning speed because we don't get enough time to do them when the children are with us, because you know... we're parenting.

The mental load is intense. The responsibility of having to remember every single little thing in terms of both parenting and running a household and having no one there to pick up the slack which you will inevitably drop and then feel like a shit parent.

And by the way, these lovely breaks we get.... I don't see it like that. I see it that my child is taken away from me for 104 days every single year. That's over 400 days of my child's development that I've missed so far. That I'll never get back. I don't get a choice in that matter. I dont get a say when and how long for. Do you have any idea how horrible that is? I have to share birthdays and Christmases with my child, the child that I carried for 9 months, birthed and nursed. No choice. Suck it up. I didn't want my relationship to end. He walked out.

Your post has really upset me.

Yes this!! Some of us are dealing with shit beyond op imagination

I have to deal with Disney dad who does his bit but is a load of crap 💩 in all other areas

I don't remember the last time me and my DH got a break from having our DC's

Why haven’t you given each other a break?

@PrawnofthePatriarchy

Try being a widow.

I'm so sorry.

@Smallsteps88

I don't remember the last time me and my DH got a break from having our DC's

Why haven’t you given each other a break?

Because maybe they want a break together?

Because maybe they want a break together?

So that means they can never have a break separately? Because they can’t have one together?