To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?

So to clarify you have literally no proof that she's committing fraud, you only think she is because she appears to spend above what she earns? Why on earth would you report her?

You don't have any actual proof that's what she is doing.

You don't even know for sure? Great friend you are

You are no friend to her. You shouldn't refer to her as one.

No you shouldn't report her, that's all I can be bothered to say as I don't want to be unpleasant.

I don't have actual proof no.
It doesn't take a lot of working out tho.
Her dad is her only family member so she's in charge of his finances.
She spends a lot of money and it's obvious it's coming from.
She always talks about how stressed out she is so I'm assuming spending is her way of coping.
I just feel bad for her dad if it's happening.

Are you sure she doesn’t have money of her own? Inheritance or life insurance payout from her mother? Grandparent? A workplace pension? Carers allowance? Lottery win?

Poor woman - she needs better friends than you.
What you do for the best is mind your own business.

You are not a friend by any definition. You jave no idea if she is spending his money, if she has permission to spend money but yet because you are jealous you want to report her. With friends like you she definitely doesn't need any enemies. Mind your business and stop minding hers

If she is such a good friend why don't you just ask her where she gets her money from. If you have serious concerns abiut her dads welfare then contact sicial services but dint accuse her of stealing her dads money without any proof.

I don't have actual proof no.
It doesn't take a lot of working out tho.

All witchhunts and miscarriages of justice start with roughly those words

You have literally NO IDEA where her money is coming from. Keep your beak out.

I'm not jealous and I don't have any concerns over her dads welfare.
He is well looked after and I know she loves him dearly.

You have no idea what, if any, conversations this woman has had with her Dad regarding money.

I would be more concerned about what happens to him when she's away for the weekend rather than who might be paying for it.

Friends like you eh?

She might earn a decent wage and have low outgoings, meaning she has a decent amount of spare money.

She might be in debt. She might have savings.

She might have inherited from her DM or another relative.

She might have power of atorney and/or her DF might have agreed that she could spend his money on herself. After all, if he is ill with dementia, he's probably not able to spend a lot of his money himself.

He might be paying her to care for him.

Of course she might be spending his money, but there's also lots of reasons why the situation may be perfectly legitimate.

You call her a friend but you are not really are you.

You have no proof and no idea where she's getting her money from. She may be in debt up to the eyeballs!
You are quick to condemn your friend of 15 years as a thief. Maybe you should just tell her to her face you think she is stealing.

I guess that's a mind my own business then.
He has carers going in and I know his brother helps her for a break,like I say his welfare wasn't the issue
It was the financial side I was concerned about

Shes your friend, you say she is stressed out so maybe you could offer her your help and support. Being a full time carer to her dad and having to work must be difficult for her.

Yes, go and report someone for something you have zero proof of! 🙄

Hope I never end up with a "friend" like that.

@ashbashclash

I don't have actual proof no. It doesn't take a lot of working out tho. Her dad is her only family member so she's in charge of his finances. She spends a lot of money and it's obvious it's coming from. She always talks about how stressed out she is so I'm assuming spending is her way of coping. I just feel bad for her dad if it's happening.

So you know for a fact that she only has the money from her paid 16 hours a week? You have no idea if she is in charge of her father's finances? You have no idea of she has an LPA? Guess what she probably does and as long as her father and his financial affairs are taken care of no one will care

“I don’t have actual proof no”

You don’t have any evidence. All that you have is rampant speculation. You should leave well alone.

If you are her friend just ask her?
But you won't will you?
No frisson of excitement waiting for the anonymous report to hit home and cause chaos.
spiteful arse

She's his only relative. It's not like she's taking money that's someone else's inheritance. No?.
Perhaps they've had the discussion when her df was able and it was his wish to spend this money to keep it from lining the government's pocket. Who knows?
Perhaps the money was left to her by her dm as a separate inheritance?

I'd not report. It sounds like your friend needs a pal. It must be tough seeing her df deteriorate.

@ashbashclash

I don't have actual proof no. It doesn't take a lot of working out tho. Her dad is her only family member so she's in charge of his finances. She spends a lot of money and it's obvious it's coming from. She always talks about how stressed out she is so I'm assuming spending is her way of coping. I just feel bad for her dad if it's happening.

How is her dad her only family member when she jas an uncle helping out with care? So which is it? No family members or she does have family in Uncle?

I guess that's a mind my own business then.

Of course you should mind your own business can you imagine how humiliated and hurt you would feel of your friend thought you were committing fraud with 0 evidence.

@Leaannb she has no brothers or sisters it's just her and her dad