To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

Wow are you serious???

If she works 16 hours a week she could get benefits and she might also get carers allowance and how do you know that her Dad didn’t make provisions for her to use his money? As long as he is being cared for what’s the problem and where is the fraud. You can’t report her is y9u don’t know for sure

If there is a chance he is being financially abused then yes. There is a vulnerable adults act set up to help prevent this. Maybe speak to Age Concern in the first instance.

How do you know she isn't getting herself into a shit ton of debt? Maybe do what a good friend would do and ask her how she's coping.

Financial abuse of elders is a real thing and very serious. So for those who have suggested that she will inherit the money anyway so it doesn't matter - it is his money and she may not inherit it. Perhaps it is left to the Dogs Home.

That said, the OP has absolutely no proof whatsoever, and I would be horrified if a "friend" of mine decided to report me for something that they had no proof of at all. In fact, the OP doesn't appear to be a friend.

But if someone is demonstrably abused in such a way, then the correct thing to do is to report it to the local Adult Social Care department as this is a safeguarding issue. But preferably one should have some proof before making such allegations.

Like I said I've got no concerns for his welfare.
He is looked after,she buys him new clothes etc all the time.
It was just her spending that was concerning.

Maybe she's a cam girl. Maybe she's dealing coke. Maybe she bought shares in google and amazon in the early noughties. Maybe her dad wants her to spend the money on herself.

As youre such a good friend have you asked her how you can help her feel less stressed?

She could be receiving careers allowance if her income is low, not that it’s your business to assume with zero proof!

Then if he can't spend it himself, it would all go to her when he dies anyway.

You wrote his will for him, did you? Why do people assume that if a parent dies any money and assets go to the children, however many of them there are. My children have excellent jobs, security and assets. My husband and I gave them every opportunity to do well in life and they have. My money (my husband is dead) will be going to charity. The kids do not need it and others are in greater need.

There is no reason why children should inherit from their parents, and many reasons why they may not. The assumption that it might be ok to steal his money (not that there is proof of that) since it will one day be hers is condoning theft and fraud. I am shocked how many people think otherwise.

@ashbashclash

Like I said I've got no concerns for his welfare. He is looked after,she buys him new clothes etc all the time. It was just her spending that was concerning.

Why is it concerning though - are you a wee bit jealous?

Her extra money could be coming from anywhere as far as you know - an inheritance from her mum, a small lottery win etc. Maybe her Dad arranged an allowance for her before his dementia got bad, says a lot about how you feel about her that your first thought would be fraud.

@ashbashclash

I'm not jealous and I don't have any concerns over her dads welfare. He is well looked after and I know she loves him dearly.

In that case keep your nose out of it!

If she's the only relative this is likely to come to her anyway - and have you any idea how difficult it is caring for a relative with dementia? Or even a very elderly, housebound relative who is cognitively ok? IT'S HARD WORK!

For all you know her dad gave her power of attorney, of put the money into a joint account before he became so unaware, and told her - "This is yours as much as mine - spend it how you like."

There is no reason, as long as he is being well cared for, that you need stick your beak in.

@Moondust001 if your child was full time caring for you, you’d really begrudge them an allowance? Nice.

@MrsTwitcher

If she is such a good friend why don't you just ask her where she gets her money from. If you have serious concerns abiut her dads welfare then contact sicial services but dint accuse her of stealing her dads money without any proof.

I agree with this. Just ask

What an absolute bitch of a 'friend' you E. You have no idea what the situation is and instead of just asking her you want to report her? Causing untold stress and goodness knows what complications!

I'm pretty damn poor but often have nice ' new' things as I shop on eBay and charity shops and resell things I don't want.

Can't remember last time I spent more than a fiver on clothes for me but if you see me swanning in and out of my house I bet you'd be thinking 'ooh look at her in another new outfit'

What would happen if I did report her?

If one of my children was caring for me I would be happy for them to spend the lot. It might be the only bit of escapism she has. It doesn't sound like she is prioritising her spending at the expense of his.

Is her dad well looked after? If yes. Mind your own business. You have no proof. You’re a terrible friend.

Some friend you are......

You say it's obvious where the money is coming from. What makes it obvious? Has she actually said anything or have you made an assumption?

It could be from her dad but it could just as easily be from somewhere else. She may not tell you everything about her life.

Also, you may not know all the ins and outs of the relationship between her and her dad. There may have been some agreement in place before he got dementia that he wanted her to have some spending money, or he may still have some capacity and be saying now that he wants her to have some of his money. You've assumed she's dealing with his money but it sounds like you don't know anything for sure.

If she's a close friend you could always just ask her about it. If she's not a close friend then really you probably shouldn't be getting involved at all.

You are no friend of hers.

Shame on you.

This is a Safeguarding issue. Financial Abuse is the concern. Don’t listen to those saying you’ve got no proof- you do not need proof where Safeguarding is concerned. Ring you local Council and ask for the Safeguarding team. They will investigate. If she’s not ripping him off, she has no cause to worry.

Yeh, I'm sure dealing with a malicious allegation of fraud by an ex-friend and having her life turned inside out will be super helpful and worry-free.

@Joeblack066

This is a Safeguarding issue. Financial Abuse is the concern. Don’t listen to those saying you’ve got no proof- you do not need proof where Safeguarding is concerned. Ring you local Council and ask for the Safeguarding team. They will investigate. If she’s not ripping him off, she has no cause to worry.

Yeah, why not. Just cause your friend upheaval and distress despite the fact you have no idea what her finances are, her dad is well cared for, and you are just a bit bored and jealous. Go for it !!

@LittleMissLockdown

*I think she is spending her dads money. Do I report this?*

So to clarify you have literally no proof that she's committing fraud, you only think she is because she appears to spend above what she earns? Why on earth would you report her?

This.

You aren't a friend either. Friends wouldn't do this.

If you are concerned is there any way of craftily checking?

I actually would report this. My PILs were caring for an elderly relative 45 miles away. Their cousins were unpleasant, quick to point the finger but never bothered to turn up, despite living only a few minutes away. My PILs got fed up of the continual accusations & the lack of any response from their elderly relative who was mentally fine & knew the situation, but she kept quiet, for a quiet life. Eventually the cousins got the police involved, my PILs were quickly vindicated (because they'd done nothing wrong) but didn't want to continue. Cousins were asked to do it, & got POA. A year or so later they were prosecuted for fraud/theft as they'd nearly drained the elderly relative's account. It couldn't be recovered as they'd spent it.
Elderly relative now lives in a care home, paid for by the state. PILs were visiting regularly until the pandemic started, & the thieving cousins & their kids are back to ignoring her.