To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

All those saying poor woman, what about the potential financial abuse of a vulnerable, elderly man?

What a horrible friend you are! Hope she drops you and quickly.

You have no idea what arrangements are in place. Her father could have signed everything over to her before he got worse so she got her inheritance before she lost him as well. If she has no siblings then I would have thought everything is going to her anyway.
As long as her father is cared for then the rest is none of your business. You sound extremely jealous, even if you say your not it’s speaking volumes through your thread how you talk about her spending and going on weekends away.

@Squiffany she’s an only child and Op has said he’s well cared for. What do you think the money should be spent on? If it was you and your DC where would you think the money should go?

she has no brothers or sisters it's just her and her dad

If she is spending his money, and you have ZERO proof she is, then it's HER inheritance anyway!!!!

Jeeezus, get back in your box you weapon!!

You really can't make that sort of an accusation without proof OP. For all you know this lady has savings, inheritance etc which she is using, or is just putting her costs on credit cards.

I'm all for protecting vulnerable elderly people from exploitation but you can't just assume because she's spending more than she appears to be earning that she's stealing her Dad's money.

So how is it in one post you say that “her dad is her only family member,” and in the next one you say “her brother helps out,” .

@Squiffany

All those saying poor woman, what about the potential financial abuse of a vulnerable, elderly man?

But there is no proof of financial abuse. If there was the replies would be different but this just reeks of jealousy and the fact the OP is jealous seems to be the only reason she would consider reporting. She has absolutely no concerns about this mans care or that he is being harmed.

None of her concerns are regarding this gentleman or his wellbeing, shes only bothered about her friend having more disposable income.

All those saying poor woman, what about the potential financial abuse of a vulnerable, elderly man?

Again. There is no PROOF apart from OP thinks her 'friend' is spending money. OP has no idea of the financial circumstances, background, agreements or released funds. The man is very well cared for and very much loved. The woman is his daughter, not a stranger coming in once a week and there is no other family other than the dad's brother.

[quote ashbashclash]@Leaannb she has no brothers or sisters it's just her and her dad [/quote]
Then if he can't spend it himself, it would all go to her when he dies anyway.

At the moment she is probably saving the taxpayer a vast amount of money by caring for him herself.

And all those people shouting about no proof. MOST safeguarding alerts raised have no proof. Its rare for someone to have categoric proof of financial abuse. What often happens is concens on their own seem like nothing but together build a picture of what is happenning. So if op raised an alert based on suspicion and someone else who had concerns did the same and then someome else may see something else and raise that too. If no one said anything without proof, there would be all types of abuse going on unchallenged.

Going back to the real life case study in my safeguarding training, 2 of the neighbours were worried but didnt report it as they didnt have any proof and the daughter was always so nice and friendly.

If the friend hasnt done anything she wont know and nothing will happen. But what if she is defrauding her dad. Its not always about an agreement made before. Are his basic needs being met too? Its not unheard of for people to spend someone's money while not buying sufficient clothing or putting the heating on for that person. It happens.

You know what would be a good friend thing to do? Maybe provide a bit of respite to your poor friend who spends her life caring for her father.

It’s not the OPs job to provide proof though. That is for the authorities to investigate.

Do you not have anything better to do than go snitching.
You're the epitome of 'Trust no one, not even your closest friends'.

Are his basic needs being met too? Its not unheard of for people to spend someone's money while not buying sufficient clothing or putting the heating on for that person. It happens.

The OP clearly states he is very well looked after and much loved.

If the friend hasnt done anything she wont know and nothing will happen. But what if she is defrauding her dad. Its not always about an agreement made before. Are his basic needs being met too? Its not unheard of for people to spend someone's money while not buying sufficient clothing or putting the heating on for that person. It happens.

The OP knows that he is being well cared for, she has zero concens other than hdr friend appearing to have extra money. I'm sure most of us know how safeguarding works and the idea of joining up all the jigsaw pieces but that doesn't make it ok to just go around accusing someone because you're jealous they have more disposable income.

For those of you who have decided that I am in the wrong for what I have suggested, I would point out that those committing financial abuse don't generally leave bank statements lying around for other people to collect as evidence.

As much as you may be correct that this is just jealousy, the point of my post was to show paths should the OP genuinely think that financial abuse is taking place.

The friend may well be looking after the dad perfectly well and he may be happy, but if in a year he needs to move into care and his savings have been spent by his daughter, then he will end up in a rubbish care home receiving mediocre care. Unfortunately, the Local Authorities don't generally fund beds in highly rated care homes.

Ok il just leave it alone.
I have no concerns about her dads welfare,she looks after him well.
This wasn't a witch hunt,she's done amazing caring for him.
Maybe I put two and two together and came up with 20.
She is my friend,maybe I'm wrong

Yep, it's a 'mind your own business', OP.

However, you do at least have in your favour that you're not proposing to report her for a breach of Covid rules. Makes a pleasant change.

@ashbashclash

Ok il just leave it alone. I have no concerns about her dads welfare,she looks after him well. This wasn't a witch hunt,she's done amazing caring for him. Maybe I put two and two together and came up with 20. She is my friend,maybe I'm wrong

You are wrong, and yes, leave her alone. She's probably got enough on her plate as it is

@ashbashclash

Ok il just leave it alone. I have no concerns about her dads welfare,she looks after him well. This wasn't a witch hunt,she's done amazing caring for him. Maybe I put two and two together and came up with 20. She is my friend,maybe I'm wrong

I honestly don't see how you can call yourself her friend if your first thought is to think she is committing fraud. In a normal friendship it wouldn't even crack the top 20 reasons for someone appearing to have more disposable income.

Your poor friend. You should probably tell her you’re thinking of reporting her for fraud, so she can decide whether she wants to be friends with you.

@Cheeseandlobster good points you have raised, and I recently did a safeguarding training it's always important to look out for signs of abuse. The only issue here is that the OP clearly says dad is well looked after which means financially she's not neglecting him. Unless there were some issues of neglect I would be concerned. This post to me is PURE jealousy and speculations from the so-called friend. I'd hate to have a friend like you OP.

DH is in charge of MILs finances. She has dementia and is in a home. He has to account for every single penny of her money that’s spent; full in regular forms, declarations, provide receipts, bank statements etc. to the OPG. It would be very difficult to defraud money in this situation.

A woman from there met with him and said he should have been spending some of her money on our DC as gifts from her, as she’d have been giving them presents herself if she were able!

@ashbashclash

I guess that's a mind my own business then. He has carers going in and I know his brother helps her for a break,like I say his welfare wasn't the issue It was the financial side I was concerned about

and that’s to do with you how? Really really odd thing to be giving thought to and drawing conclusions on, based on nothing.