To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

[quote ashbashclash]@LittleMissLockdown I've told you all why.
The amount of money she spends and I know it won't be credit cards either.
That's why I'm sure.[/quote]
How do you know it wonrbe credit cards though? How are you so sure shes not got an inheritance or that she won the lottery or that she's running a business on the side....

He has carers going in and I know his brother helps her for a break,like I say his welfare wasn't the issue

I'd say the father's brother knows a lot more about the financial aspect of things than you do. If he's not concerned, why should you be?

These threads always amaze me. How do people know so much about their friends' finances? I don't know how much any of my friends earn.

You're being accused of jealousy because you're not offering explanations. It's not that you're not offering explanations because you're being accused of jealousy!

Answer this, then: Do you know her income?

You were reported and investigated, and she isn't being. It's not about being jealous of her money, you're just annoyed that she isn't having to go through what you went through.

Do you think that she's the person who reported you for benefit fraud? Is this just some kind of revenge you want to have?

So, now you are "sure".

Your posts are all over the place.

"I won't do it" but then give several examples of what you think will happen to her and what you want to have happen to her.

You have already bloody reported her, haven't you...but you haven't heard anything so you have come here to ask what is likely to be happening and to get justification for your shitty behaviour.

I think you're having a laugh now, OP. No one is this thick. You said yourself she doesn't even shop for luxuries, just does shopping. Who would ever begrudge someone in such a heartbreaking situation a bit of shopping, or the odd concert (you've been harbouring this chip on your shoulder for a very long time as we're in the second lockdown of the year)? And who doesn't understand how credit works? Or that they can't know the ins and outs of everyone's finances? Whose mind even works like this?

@ChocolateCherrybomb
Sadly I think you may be right , she's already done it. I sincerely hope this comes back and bites her on the bum, such a sad and bitter individual.

This is such an awful thread. You are no friend to this woman, and you'll probably report her regardless out of pure spite and jealousy. You should tell her so she knows who she's dealing with.

OP, 2 questions for you if you did report your 'friend':

1. Will you let her know that you reported her?
2. If her life turned upside down being investigated, would you feel bad / sorry for her?

(About 2, I feel very sad when my friends are suffering or under stress. I'll try to help and take the pain away. I'm just wondering how you would be with her)

The more this thread goes on the more vile you are becoming. You just desperately want to report her dont you? Despite absolutely no evidence. You are itching to do it! Has lockdown made you that bored this is your entertainment? Your poor 'friend'.

[quote ashbashclash]@LittleMissLockdown I've told you all why.
The amount of money she spends and I know it won't be credit cards either.
That's why I'm sure.[/quote]
Oh, give it a fucking rest.

@LittleMissLockdown I've told you all why.
The amount of money she spends and I know it won't be credit cards either.
That's why I'm sure.
........
Why is it your business anyway?

This thread actually makes me angry. You're willing to shop in someone you've known for 15 years on the basis of assumptions about her stealing from her father. No proof whatsoever. You're unhealthily preoccupied with her shopping habits and seem to know a lot about her credit card limits (how though?) Leave the woman alone and mind your own damn business.

Op a ‘carer’ regularly robbed someone in my family and thenpolice said they couldn’t do anything as the victim didn’t want to pursue it.

Bit different here as the victim has dementia but I guess his next of kin / power of attorney is probably her?

What I’m getting at is that even if you report it I’d be surprised if the police do anything.

Surprised by how many people telling you to mind your own business tho. As you say it seems pretty obvious what she’s doing and watching an old person being robbed my impulse is also to help. Just not sure how you can ☹️

so, just for the sake of argument, say she is using his money, and gets into trouble, how will that benefit him.
how much pension do you think he has sloshing around, when all bills are paid, food, utilities, poss carers. or he is below the threshold for paying for care, so even less money available.
so all this upset and accusation you want to start OP, how will it benefit her father.
are you jealous of their relationship, that you want to disrupt it.
why do you want to destroy his peace of mind.
dementia is no fun. let him have what comfort he can. including the love and attention of his daughter.
if you really honestly think she has something to answer for, at least please wait until the father is no longer on the scene, so as not to adversely affect him.
i still think you are wrong. utterly. morally. and in every sense.

i find all this particularly galling, is that the word. as i do know of a situation where a disabled person is being ill-treated by relatives, but i can do nothing about it.

because blood is thicker than water, and she chooses to believe they really care for and about her. doesn't look like that to outsiders. she has no mental impairment, but is immobile. they control her funds, and tell her she is eating too much, having too many carer hours, she is very disabled, often needs feeding, doubly incontinent, bed-bound etc. relatives query why she wants something, tell her she doesn't need it, argue, berate, shout, demand, say she does nothing all day. yet she loves them above everything. and would literally hate anyone to say a word against them. families have their own dynamic.

alexdgr8, that is indeed a very sad scenario. It beggars belief that people can be so unkind.

However the op's friend isn't unkind by all accounts, quite the contrary. In her situation it really is best to mind one's own business.

Some friend you are OP! Mind your own business and concentrate on your own life!

OP, my DF has only one child - me obviously - and he always talks about his money as being "our money", because he says it will all be going to me eventually. You have no way of knowing that your "friend's" (she may be your friend, but from your posts you definitely don't deserve to call yourself her friend) DF hasn't said something similar pre dementia. If indeed she even is using some of his money, which you have not one shred of proof about. There is only one word I can think of to use to describe you, and it begins with B.

@eaglejulesk

Is it 'BWrong'?

@jessstan1

alexdgr8, that is indeed a very sad scenario. It beggars belief that people can be so unkind.

However the op's friend isn't unkind by all accounts, quite the contrary. In her situation it really is best to mind one's own business.

agree on both points.

Is it 'BWrong'?