To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

The only thing I would ever report is if he was in danger . Chances are it would be coming to here anyway. Realistically the only thing he would need money for is a care home so let her spend it.
Because if you are like my parents never claimed anything worked multiple jobs at a time to contribute and support yourself when you need care you are taken to the point of bankruptcy before the state fund . Or if like there friends worked cash in hand most there lives claimed every benefit going remortgaged house to go on cruise and spend on rand shite the state pay for your care.

You want to report your 'friend fo 15 years' whose mum died and dad has incurable illness? Wow, she doesn't need enemies with a friend like you

Horrible thread. I despair.

Also when you say always shopping, how do you know this exactly and how do you know it is not a mix of shopping for him with his money and shopping for her with her money.

How long before this thread gets taken down as the OP has 'concerns about it being outing'

Maybe he gave her her inheritance before dementia set in?

You have no idea where she's getting her money from and it's none of your business.

The only clear thing from this post is that you are not her friend.

It's a good thing to take an interest in his welfare, and be sure all is well. It often isn't.

However, if she lives with him in a house he owns then she may have very low expenses.

What don't you ask her how she manages financially?

Does she speak unkindly about him, or suggest she's only looking after him for her personal gain, does she seem a generally honest and ethical person? Unless you have other reasons to think she's behaving inappropriately with his money, then you need to assume she's not.

I work very part time, at least to the outside world. I also have a decent on-line income that not very many people know about. (No, it's not webcam work - think on-line training) Maybe your poor friend has a similar enterprise that she makes an additional income from.

Why is it any of your business? You have no proof she is spending her dads money? You have no idea if he signed his finances over to her before he became really unwell. Also if she’s the only family member and she is spending his money she is spending what will be hers anyway?

Sounds like you are jealous because she works part time and is able to treat herself to nice things?

I say...”keep your nose out”.

I wouldn’t report my friends for murder, let alone this. Tbh I can’t even see the problem if she is spending his money, not maybe I am morally bankrupt. Certainly carers need much better financial remuneration and my own parents would much rather I have it than it go on care home fees.

I'll go against the grain here. Yes it's worrying if you think she is spending her Dads money without his knowledge. Phone Age UK and speak to them for advice. They will probably say none of your business and you've no proof.

[quote MyGodImSoYoung]@ashbashclash I feel you have been unfairly jumped on.

As a lawyer dealing with the elderly and vulnerable, I think it is a good thing that you have noticed things are awry.

If you have real concerns, I would suggest contacting the Office of the Public Guardian. If your friend has an LPA for her father, then they can conduct an investigation.

If you know that she does not have an LPA, then you can contact Adult Social Care and raise a concern with them.[/quote]
OP jas not noticed anything awry. Except her friend is spending money that OP doesn't know where she is getting it from. She has absolitely no concern for the father. Even admits he is well taken care of. She just doesn't like her " friend" spending money. What exactly is awry here? Her friend has more money than she does?

If t's only her and her dad, there is no financial side to take care off. Either she is using the money now or she will have it all in a few years time.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) it's not going to make a difference to him if he cant recognise people etc...
On the other side, caring for someone with dementia can be thankless task....

My Ddad had an illness that had similarities to dementia. He signed a power of Attorny when he was still mentally capable to make his own decisions. My PIL have given DH and his sister POA, although they are both currently of sound mind. However there might have been a conversation between your " friend" and her dad in years previous along the lines of that he wished her to treat his money as if it were her own.

This is a goady post and I very much doubt it's for real.

OP - get a life - may I suggest painting by numbers as a pleasant way to pass the time?

MYOB. I assume she claims carers benefit too.

But she's working 16 hours to leave the rest of time to care for dad ?

The money would be coming to her anyway 🤷‍♀️

She's literally looking after him instead of spending £400 a week on carers

Beak out.

Gross, the jealousy is just dripping from your posts. You don't like that she is living comfortably. Just own it.
What consequence would you like to happen for her "fraud"? Money taken off her? Her in prison and her dad alone with strangers to care for him?
You are no friend.

I'd also like to point out that people don't spend money in the same things.
I have a good friend who 'always spending money' as in she is buying stuff I wouldnt buy or van't afford to buy. She is also a carer etc etc....
The rlityis that she is extremely frugal on most things, budget very carefully so she can buy those things.
Me, on the other side, don't buy the stuff she buys but we go away at weekends etc... Basically we have similar amount of money but we spend it on different things....

So yay, id be careful about is 'spending lots of money she doesnt have' assumption.

What the actual fuck. How do you know she can't afford these things? Do you see her bank statements?

Disgraceful. Mind your own business.

I think this would be an odd thing to do to a friend. She certainly won't be one of you do. I also find it curious that your moral compass is so weak you need to ask total strangers what to do.

If your good friend of 15 years, who has lost her mother and is caring for her much loved father, giving him birthday parties etc, actually is found to be guilty of spending his money - he is put in a care home and she is jailed (?) how would you feel? Jubilant at your suspicion being proved right? Or ashamed at breaking up a family?

About 6 years ago my elderly neighbours neice moved in to look after him. There was a flurry of building work, new furniture etc, I admit at first I was a little suspicious, but there was other family around and he was clearly very well looked after.
I became friendly with the neice, after he died, I asked if she was going to be able to stay in the house. As it happens, as he had no children, he had signed over the house to her and she had been the legal owner for over 20 years.
The point of which you just don’t know what arrangements families have made.
You don’t have concerns about his well being, more that you think she has a better lifestyle than you think she should

What do you do for the best. You focus on your own life and stop making unfounded allegations about someone else. Mind your own business. You sound jealous.